There are many things I wish I could tell my freshman self. But most of all, behind the glamorization of Miami — outside of the sunshine and palm trees — there is an unspoken truth.
In a world where free time is spent lounging on yachts, tanning between classes, partying by pools, and unwinding in cabanas on South Beach, many students quietly grapple with the challenges of adjusting to UM’s unique culture.
The glamorization of UM makes it feel almost forbidden to discuss struggles or feelings of not belonging. Freshmen often feel pressured to meet the idealized college experience portrayed on social media. When they fall short, they’re left feeling like they’re the only ones struggling. This cone of silence leaves students feeling even more alone and questioning if they made the right choice coming to Miami. It’s time to talk about the hard stuff.
Several of my friends opened up about their struggles during freshman and sophomore year, emphasizing how much it would have helped to know they weren’t alone. So consider this my official letter to all the freshmen: a series of takeaways from my own personal experiences and those of friends that we wish we could have told our freshman selves.
Social media isn’t reality
As I’m sure you’ve been told a million times, what you see on social media is not real life. Influencers who post the highlights of their UM college experience are only showing one side of the story, creating an idealized version of campus life that is often unrealistic, unattainable and one-sided.
“I was only posting on social media on my best moments when I was on a boat or when I was at this party or that party or that club in my prettiest outfit with my best makeup done,” said Amelia Smeltz, a junior majoring in biomedical engineering. “I wasn’t posting the fact that I was crying in my bed every day. I wasn’t advertising that for everyone to see.”
Living lavishly isn’t a requirement
It’s well known that UM is a party school, or at least portrayed that way. People anticipate going out every night to clubs, frats, tailgates, yacht parties, and all the other opportunities Miami has to offer. But they forget the forefront of the phrase “work hard, play hard.” For some, balancing the two can be a challenge.
UM is an academically challenging school. Often, college school work demands more commitment, time and effort compared to high school. Adjusting to these new academic burdens with the added pressure of having a thriving social life can be overbearing.
Yet, many students feel forced to make a constant effort to go out even among all these new stresses in fear of missing out or feeling ostracized from their peers. Students may find that the ‘going out scene’ isn’t for them but assume they are the only ones who feel that way.
For others, the desire to live the ‘lavish’ lifestyle is difficult to attain because they struggle to make genuine friendships. How do you go out, when you have no one to go out with? As a freshman, it can take time to put yourself out there and meet who will become your closest friends.
“I think that there were a lot of people who were really interested in social climbing first and foremost when we got here. They valued being the people who went to the most expensive clubs, took a boat out every Saturday, or knew the most people and went on the most boats and went to the most brunches,” said Smeltz. “I just wanted to meet people I felt comfortable with, and because of that, I felt like I had kind of gotten left behind in a way.”
Not everyone is the social butterfly they appear to be
Many freshmen are focused on quantity over quality when it comes to making friends. Social media amplifies this issue when people post themselves surrounded by large groups of people, many of whom may not be their actual friends.
“People would post in large groups, like, random people that they met and made it seem like these were big groups of friends already figured out, and that all these connections had been made, but in reality, no one knows each other,” said a sophomore business major.
Many of my friends emphasized that experience does not equal belonging. Even if you are going out all the time, if you aren’t surrounding yourself with the right people, life begins to feel inauthentic. Focusing on building genuine relationships, rather than accumulating the most friends, pays off in the long run.
Outsiders don’t understand UM like you do
As a freshman, I struggled to express how hard it was to find a sense of belonging at UM. I constantly compared myself to other first-years, battling a constant fear of missing out. But I kept it all to myself, partly out of disappointment that my experience didn’t match what was promoted on social media but also because my friends and family back home had the same expectations for me. After all, how can you not be happy when your campus looks like a resort?
It can be extremely difficult to admit to others, and even yourself, that you are struggling to adjust or thrive in college when society paints it as a picture-perfect experience. It can feel embarrassing and shameful to admit that that’s not your reality.
“It was frustrating when my mom would give me a call and she’d be like ‘Oh, I talked to our neighbor and she saw your Instagram post and she said it looks like you’re having the best time.’ But on the inside, I was the most unhappy I’d ever been. I felt like I was being so inauthentic. But I didn’t want people to know that I wasn’t having a good time because I felt embarrassed about that and it was hard to grasp that everyone else was doing the same thing,” said Smeltz.
This is the unspoken truth of UM. In many ways, Miami — often seen as the ideal college destination — creates an incredibly challenging adjustment for students. There’s almost too much to do, making it easy for students to become overwhelmed and consumed by ‘FOMO.’ Not to mention, many of these experiences come with high costs, making them unattainable for those except the very wealthy.
Remember, we are students, not celebrities
The lifestyles promoted to UM students often mirror those of celebrities and affluent influencers who can indulge in the luxury that Miami offers. For freshmen, going out often means spending money on Ubers, high-end restaurants, bottle service, club tickets, or even yacht fares — expenses that are not meant for the average college student.
That’s not to say that some students don’t love it here. The experiences students post online, although one-sided, highlight the pros of living near a big city with opportunities unavailable at other colleges.
However, being so close to the city puts pressure on students to live luxuriously. This pressure coupled with the struggle to adjust to a school culture focused on aesthetics can cause many to feel out of place.
I know many students who considered transferring their freshman and sophomore years of college because of this reason, including my freshman year roommate. Although I never applied to other schools, I often questioned whether I should have remained in Boston or picked a university that offered a more traditional college experience. I doubted whether I fit into the materialistic lifestyle of UM where designer bags are used as backpacks.
Speak up
The most troubling aspect of all of this is that nobody talks about their struggles. This creates a harmful culture of silence, where everyone maintains a facade, making it harder to support each other through the challenges of freshman year, and even after. It’s time to break that cycle and speak that unspoken truth: UM is not perfect, in fact, there are many aspects of the university itself that make it more difficult to adjust to.
There is no cure all to make your college experience better. From my own experience, and the input of many others, it just takes time.
“I’ve learned that there are certain things I’m going to get more joy out of than others. If I’m going to get more joy from lighting a candle and reading a book in bed than going to a club, that doesn’t make me a loser, and that doesn’t mean I don’t fit in. At the end of the day, we’re all living our own lives, and I have no obligation to make anyone happy but myself,” said Smeltz.
When you find yourself in a city with endless opportunities, it’s okay not to do it all. It takes time to form genuine connections and find a sense of belonging. There’s no rush to meet your best friends and experience everything all at once. We are all on our own timescale. Just because we are at UM doesn’t mean we live in a U-topia. Don’t be afraid to talk about it.
