After two great years of writing this column my time at this university has come to a close. In a “Pretty Little Liars” finale-kind-of-way, I decided to reveal myself.
Yes, I, Sal Puma, am the mastermind behind the recent V’s Takes. I never thought I would find myself writing a column like this during my college career, but I definitely think it was a net positive. Not just for me, but for everyone. I’m a loud man who can talk anyone’s ears off, so at some point I would’ve wanted to find a platform for my inside thoughts (but the world doesn’t need another man giving advice on a podcast, or another gay putting every single thought of their’s onto Twitter)
I know V is often portrayed as a woman, but I took on this role as some sort of drag persona. It wasn’t me writing the advice, but the spirit of V possessing me at 2:00 a.m. one edible deep. While the print team hated me for that, I think it worked out amazingly. That method brought us the wonderful takes of the past four semesters. Centennial Village slander, an analysis of the mythical Frat Flu and the Beginners Guide to Gaydar (which in hindsight we REALLY should’ve prefaced was written by a gay man).
Hopefully there are avid readers of this column who have picked up an issue or two to see what the V’s Take was that week. If not, I’m not surprised. I run the campus magazine too, and we practically have to throw the issues at people for them to take them.
To my avid readers … if you do exist. Thank you for reading. I know this wasn’t exactly the most profound column, hell, the V before me wrote about people who were caught having sex on the IM fields. But it’s good to have a little distraction from all of your college worries, and I hope I could provide you with that.
I’m sure whatever person they find to fill my shoes will do a great job. Maybe they’ll even submit their takes a few days before deadline and not the morning of!
I wanted to do a small blurb about each of my favorite V’s Takes, but I decided not to. Instead, go read them all yourself online. But what you can’t read is the ones that never made the cut. So, here are a few of my personal favorite ideas that never made it to print.
- “Herbert heartthrobs: A guide to a gym crush
- “Bensone Boone isn’t hot, you all just have trauma from men with a mullet and a pornstache”
- “Insta stalking 101”
- “13 Reasons Why (I’d go anywhere but Space)”
- “Cold & sore: An anthology of the bleak hookup orobus that is the Frost School Of Music”
- “Masc(ot) 4 Masc(ot) (A Challengers style love story between you, Sebastian, and the Maniac)
- “Why Drag Race is the theatre kid’s NFL”
Forever signing off,
Sal (V) Puma
V’s Take is The Miami Hurricane’s most controversial and longest running column. V’s Take is a satirical work published biweekly by students and for students using our generation’s “colorful” language. V addresses all things love, sex and gossip on campus. V is not for the politically correct or easily offended.