Valentine’s Day just passed and some of us singles are horny and frustrated after being forced to scroll through Instagram stories of your troll boyfriends. Spring is right around the corner, so why not get in the holiday spirit and get it on like bunnies.
A nice hookup can be a great break from the stressors of college life. But for the students that live in the dorms on campus, there’s some logistical planning that has to be done before getting freaky.
For starters, in an ideal world, your roommate is out of town and you have the place to yourself.
The next, and trickiest part of the deed, is finding the space to do it. A dorm room twin might not be the best to have sex in, but rest assured, there are some workarounds. You just have to be a little bit … creative.
The Eaton eater
Eaton is definitely a sore sight compared to the other dorms here. You can feel its age with every creak and crack of its outdated dorm furniture. But don’t let that stop you from trying to make that bed rock.
To avoid the noise complaint, do something with less force, but double the fun. Time to show them what that mouth do.
The Gemini
For those of you with a twin bed, it might be okay for sleeping by yourself, but not the best for sleeping with someone else. If you and your partner are looking to get a little more mobile and don’t want to risk banging your head while banging, push some beds together! You’ll have to ask your roommate for permission, or maybe just thoroughly wash their sheets after and beg for forgiveness.
After all, what’s more important? Your roommate’s perception of you or being able to switch who’s on top without rolling off the bed? Uninhibited movement is priceless.
The Albenga “Bang-Ya” or the Pavia “Put it In”
Sometimes you can’t bring your link over, but you still want to fool around. If neither of you can host, but you’re still horny as hell, try a little carplay (not the Apple one). Sure, the campus garages may have cameras, but they’re only there to squeeze every last cent out of you for parking violations. Just park in a garage (that you have a pass for of course), find the highest corner and crank up the tunes.
Just don’t get caught, V is not liable for any legal repercussions if UMPD comes knocking on your window!
The shower sex 100
The new Centennial Village dorms have a lot to show for, including completely private, unisex, communal bathrooms that feel like an invitation. While dorm shower sex isn’t new, these new bathrooms make it cushier than ever. Doors that lock, with a shower inside? And a toilet? You can hook up and pee after, all within the comforts of a private bathroom stall.
UM really thought of everything!
The Lakeside view
The final boss of dorm room sex. With windows that bare it all, it’s all too easy to become the on-campus Red (LED) Light District. While some of you may be exhibitionists at heart, most of us walking to the metrorail at 12 a.m. after finishing a paper aren’t looking to be your voyeurs.
So if you find yourself fooling around in a Lakeside dorm, please, check all your angles. Be a dear and pull down the blinds before you pull down your pants, unless you want your gooch and cooch out for all the world to see.