Trojan, Durex, Skyn — just a few names you men are going to want to start getting familiar with. Amendment 4’s failure not only means women’s access to abortion is basically nonexistent but that your chances of hitting it raw are too.
Regardless of how you voted, we’re all dealing with the consequences of the six-week law. Many of you (ahem men) think this probably doesn’t affect you, but V is here to remind you that behind all of your one-night stands is a girl anxiously awaiting her period to confirm she doesn’t have to be the mother of your frat sperm offspring.
So how are the girls and all those with a uterus feeling now you ask? Probably scream singing the Girls in the Hood lyric, “I’M SICK OF MOTHERFUCKERS TRYING TO TELL ME HOW TO LIVE.”
The situation has gotten so serious that some of you icons may even be considering joining the 4B Movement that encourages no sex, no dating, no marriage, no kids.
But for all of my hopeless romantics, lovers of dick and borderline sex addicts, V is here for you.
We need to change our tune from all or nothing, to having safe sex given the circumstances — at least until the Yes on 4 baddies get our rights back. (In case you were wondering, V stands for Voted Yes on 4).
Now, what does extra safe sex look like? It means using two forms of birth control, whether that’s a condom and an IUD or a patch and a diaphragm. It also may include abstaining from penetrative sex during the ovulation window (if you don’t know what this means, Google is free). In language my male readers will understand, this means a whole lot more eating pussy and a whole lot less fucking.
So if you want to be able to get raunchy without a rubber, get educated. Figure out why this is so important and then figure out how to help. Whether that be supporting your friends during these tough times, or finding out how you can help on a political level — support the women in your life.
Just to make it clear, V gets it. Not everyone will support abortion, but what we can’t stand for is not supporting women and their ability to make these decisions for themselves.
And to be extra clear, to anyone who shames someone else for making safe sex decisions that work for them (and maybe voted no on 4), I hope you are denied the joys of a blissful midafternoon orgasm.
V’s Take is The Miami Hurricane’s most controversial and longest-running column. V’s take is satirical work published biweekly by students and for students using our generation’s “colorful” language. V addresses all things love, sex and gossip on campus. V is not for the politically correct or easily offended.