Is it just my FYP or is everyone breaking up right now? There’s ‘spring cleaning,’ but for college students, there’s also the ‘semester split.’ After a breakup, everyone spirals in their own way to deal with the feels.
So, what do we do with all these emotions? Do we drown our sorrows in ice cream and rom-coms, or do we just pretend everything’s fine? Each person has their own coping mechanisms—but what’s the real way to get over an ex?
The “No Contact Rule” is a popular piece of advice for the heartbroken. But how many bodies are acceptable to gain after a breakup?
So let’s dive into all these questions and chat about what works (and what doesn’t) when it comes to moving on. Whatever it is you decide, you may relate to one of these descriptions.
The rebounders
Do we fill the void with a parade of randos who, for a fleeting moment, make us feel like our ex did? Sometimes in those moments, we lose control — especially after a few green tea shots at Regatta — and make decisions we regret. Like that time you had sex a little too loud while all your friends were in the next room.
And the craziest regret of all, realizing they heard everything.
To my rebounders, I agree the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new, but if you can’t separate the heart and the horny it’s best to indulge in some well deserved wallowing.
The “We can still be friends” crowd
Then there’s the group of us who keep in touch with our exes. We cling to that emotional connection, hoping that something will magically change despite the fact that he called you fat, never gave you flowers, forgot your birthday and had you crying yourself to sleep next to him more times than you can count.
He says he’ll change. He never will.
From someone with experience, learn to let it go. If it’s not working still, it’s not going to. Move on.
Though it may be hard, no contact is probably best for you.
Friends with benefits? Let’s not
Then we have the ‘I’m over it after a month’ crowd, who thinks they can keep being friends with benefits. Repeat after me, “being fuck buddies with an ex does not work.” It’s like eating at Taco Bell – really good in the moment followed by immediate regret.
Honestly, there’s way better out there. Better guy, better dick, better sex, better orgasms (Unless you’re fucking Ross Lynch). Sometimes, it’s better to have an empty vagina for a while then having an expired dick in there.
So she thinks she’s in love…
Finally, my favorite — the person who thinks they’ve found the love of their life right after breaking up with their high school sweetheart. News flash — he’s probably just a rebound! Just because you can Photoshop him in the pictures on your parents’ mantle and no one will know the difference does not mean it’s the same intimate connection. The math is not mathing babes.
So pick your poison — skank it, wallow in denial or move the fuck on with your life and choose happiness!
V’s Take is The Miami Hurricane’s most controversial and longest-running column. V’s take is satirical work published biweekly by students and for students using our generation’s “colorful” language. V addresses all things love, sex and gossip on campus. V is not for the politically correct or easily offended.