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Fun in the Sun Summer Plans for Miami and Florida

So summer is finally here, you’re staying in Miami, and you have no clue what to do with your time. Fear not! Even if you’re taking summer courses, you’ll still have plenty of free time to enjoy everything Miami has to offer.

Play the tourist
Now is the time to bring out the camera, slap on the sunscreen, and see the sights. Without the pressure of friends thinking you’re a dork for doing it (since they’ve all gone home for the summer), you can finally see the tourists’ points of interest in Miami.

Vizcaya Museum and Gardens (3251 S. Miami Ave.)
Built in the 1800s by the exceedingly rich James Deering, Vizcaya is an exact replica of a Venetian villa. The massive house still has most of the original furniture and is now a museum. Most of the extensive gardens have been sold, but the small lot that remains, along with the house, are in pristine condition.

Museum of Science and Space Transit Planetarium (3280 S. Miami Ave.)

This is the place to let the inner five-year-old in you run about. A hands-on museum, the exhibits change several times a year- from dinosaurs you move yourself to “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly,” an exhibit about bacteria. The planetarium has, besides the more traditional stars and planets, laser shows to the sounds of Pink Floyd and other musicians during weekends.

Bayside Marketplace (Bayfront Park, Port of Miami)
From here, not only can you shop at very exclusive and expensive stores, you can eat at exclusive and expensive restaurants. Otherwise, this is a great place to go people-watching. All kinds of people come here- from the fru-fru European-types to the guys who sleep out in Bicentennial Park and everyone in between. There is also the Hard Rock Caf

UM football sets records

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The University of Miami football team set new records for NFL draft picks in a single season and in consecutive years. The ‘Canes had 11 players drafted, the most ever by a school since the NFL draft went to a seven round format in 1994.
Five Hurricanes – offensive tackle Bryant McKinnie (7, Minnesota Vikings), tight end Jeremy Shockey (14, New York Giants), cornerback Phillip Buchanon (17, Oakland Raiders), safety Edward Reed (24, Baltimore Ravens) and cornerback Mike Rumph (26, San Francisco) were all selected in the first round Saturday to give UM an all-time record for most players drafted in the first round over two seasons.
With five players selected in the opening round, Miami has had a total of nine players taken in the first round over the 2001 and 2002 drafts, surpassing the record held by USC (1968-69) and Notre Dame (1993-94). The Hurricane’s five first round picks also tied USC’s (1969) record for most players from a single school taken in the first round.
Miami’s previous best two-year total was five, achieved three times (1987-88, 1988-89 and 2000-01).
Another Hurricane, tailback Clinton Portis (Denver Broncos), was drafted on the first day of the draft as well with the No. 51 pick in the second round
Miami’s previous best first round was last season, as four Hurricanes – defensive tackle Damione Lewis (11, St. Louis Rams), linebacker Dan Morgan (12, Carolina Panthers), receiver Santana Moss (16, New York Jets), and receiver Reggie Wayne (30, Indianapolis Colts) were taken in the first round.

Williams eager to improve

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Freshman Lauryn Williams has done more than just make her mark on the Miami Hurricanes this season. However, that has not stopped Williams from drawing out improved plans for the future.

With her first year winding down, Williams is set to compete in the Penn Relays this weekend, in Philadelphia. The 100-meter specialist will continue to try to impress scouts from all over the country, some which did not recruit Williams coming out of high school. Nevertheless, Williams could not have been happier with the way things turned out this season.

“The season has been fantastic, and I couldn’t have asked for more,” Williams said. “I wasn’t expecting anything as spectacular as some of the things I’ve done, and I just take that in stride.”

Born and raised in Rochester, Pennsylvania, the 5-3 Williams anchored the Rochester High track and field squad for several years. Her accomplishments included setting state records in both the 100 and 200-meter events, while also winning the state championship in the 4 x 100 relay. A four-year class president, Williams was named to the 100 and 200-meter relay All-American team, her junior and senior year.

Those accomplishments helped her acceptance to the Miami program, but Williams’ attitude is what impressed Hurricanes coach Amy Deem.

“She was such a pleasant kid to recruit, very upbeat and easy to talk to,” Deem said. “That’s the same personality she has brought to school this year.”

Deem’s enthusiastic attitude towards Williams heavily contributed to the Pennsylvanian’s decision to attend the University of Miami. Although Williams enjoyed the South Florida heat, she found that the transition to the college level was not easy.

“It’s been tough, but I have made it with very little problems,”Williams said. “The biggest thing was that I didn’t practice much in high school, and now I’m in full training, two or three hours a day.”

Eventually, Williams adapted to the grueling training schedule, and was able to set Miami records in both the 55 and 60-meter events during indoor season. However, her best showing came during the Hurricanes final home meet of the season, the Gatorade Classic Apr. 13. There, Williams set a Cobb Stadium record in the 100-meter with a time of 11.44. Williams also had a strong showing in the 200-meter event, finishing second to teammate Wylleshia Myrick, and posting a time of 23.91.

“All the girls want to show off for your family and friends,” Williams said. “Whenever you get a chance to host one, you have to show off for everyone and I wanted to show that University of Miami track and field deserves some recognition.”

Following the Penn Relays, the Hurricanes travel to Storrs, Connecticut for the Big East Championships, which begin May 3. Williams has high hopes for the rest of the season, and much of that has to due with her coach.

“I trust her (Deem) whole heartedly,” Williams said. “I’d sign my life over to her, if I had to. I know she has a plan for greatness, and that’s why I’m doing so well.”

Deem has been happy with Williams’s progress throughout the season, and has high expectations for the freshman before she graduates, particularly off the field.

“Eventually, Lauren is going to bring a lot of leadership,” Deem said. “She is a good student, and interested in everything that goes on in the athletic department, and is a great person to represent the athletic department, as well as track and field.”

Men’s tennis defeated in final

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The men’s tennis team’s Cinderella run through the Big East Championship came to a screeching halt Sunday against the No. 1 seed Fighting Irish of Notre Dame.

The men started off the championship quest the right way by dominating West Virginia in a 4-0 decision in the first round on Friday. Then, they advanced to the championship game after upsetting No. 2 Virginia Tech Saturday 4-3. On that day, the men were down 3-2 before Thomas Smid and Jose Lieberman both rallied to win their singles matches in three sets.

“It was a great college tennis match against Virginia Tech, but the downside is that we really did have some tough matches and it is really hot out here. When you win 7-6 in the third in two matches, the guys are going to be a little tired,” said head coach Jay Berger

However, on Sunday, the men were just outmatched by the Fighting Irish men, who took the match 4-1. However, this loss does not take away from the nice run that the ‘Canes made in the Big East championship, which earned them runner-up honors.

“Notre Dame didn’t give us any matches. They are probably just a little bit better than us and we needed a lot of good things to happen for us to win. None of their guys didn’t play well today,” Berger.

The team’s lone victory came when Todd Widom defeated Notre Dame ace Javier Taborga. Widom, who had lost in the Virginia Tech match, came out with something to prove.

“I played my worst match of the year the day before and I wanted to come out here and prove I was still playing good,” said Widom.

The victory over Taborga did give Widom the MVP award for the tournament. Todd had a great record all season, and his win against the very tough Taborga solidified his MVP award.

“It was a great win that he beat Taborga today. Todd is a very important part of our team, he plays the top competition and in most cases, takes out the top player,” said Berger.

The bright point was that this team gained some confidence with their Virginia Tech victory, and they now believe that they can compete against good teams.

“We gained a lot of confidence from winning the Virginia Tech match. We believe more and more in each other and we think we can come out and beat good teams now,” said Widom.

The ‘Canes loss was not due to a lack of effort. Miami played hard throughout this tournament and they never gave up, even when they were down against Tech and Notre Dame.

“We fought extremely hard in all the matches, especially today and yesterday and our players definitely showed some heart out there,” said Berger.

The good news is that the impressive showing of the ‘Canes should get them into the NCAA Regional Tournament and the confidence that they gained by beating V.T. could help them go far.

Women’s tennis captures Big East tourney title

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Bittersweet revenge and individual awards highlighted the Miami women’s tennis Big East title on Sunday.

The Hurricanes won the Big East championship in a 4-1 upset over Notre Dame, who beat UM 4-3 in South Bend two weeks ago.

The ‘Canes dropped the doubles point, which is not unusual for this team, as they have struggled in doubles all season. However, Miami rallied back to take four straight singles points, which won them the Big East Championship.

“It is always good to win,” said Mari Toro. “It feels great, we have worked so hard for this, and we are happy that we were able to do it.”

“I was a little upset after the doubles loss,” said head coach Paige Yaroshuk. “I thought our girls played amazing doubles and we just came up a little short.

“It’s not easy coming out being down 1-0 in the Big East, but it is something we have done all year. We weren’t shocked. There could not be a more-deserving team than these women, who worked very hard throughout the season, and battled through a lot of close 4-3 losses.

“We worked really hard. We practiced so much, and we just wanted it more than they did. We just outplayed them today. We were pumped up,” said Toro.

The women started out on the right track in the tournament on Saturday by beating Virginia Tech 4-0 in the second round. The ‘Canes dominated the Hokies, and set the tone for the rest of the weekend. The win gave them the momentum to come out on Sunday and take it to Notre Dame.

“I have been telling people all year I have the best girls in the country, and it is nice to see them come out today and just shine,” said Yaroshuk after her first Big-East Championship.

The ‘Canes won the championship the way they wanted to win it. They beat Notre Dame, the best team in the conference.

“Big East champs, it’s nice, especially when you have a team like Notre Dame in your conference. It’s a great feeling, we have definitely accomplished something,” said Yaroshuk.

There were also some individual awards that the ‘Canes took home. Mari Toro won the MVP of the tournament and Yaroshuk won the award for the Big East Coach of the Year.

“Coach of the Year is nice, but to be honest, I didn’t know I was going to get it. It’s nicer to win Coach of the Year over a guy like Jay Louderback (ND) because he is a class act and he has been around a while and he is a great coach,” said Yaroshuk.

As far as Toro being named MVP, Toro herself wasn’t sure that she deserved it over teammate Marcy Hora.

“Mari Toro deserves it. This girl works harder than anyone I have ever seen. She was out here at 6:45 AM hitting balls because her backhand didn’t feel right. If anyone deserves player of the year, Toro does,” said Yaroshuk.

The ‘Canes season is not yet finished. They will go on to play in the NCAA Regional Tournament that starts in a few weeks. With the win in the Big East championship, the ‘Canes have secured an automatic bid to the NCAA Tournament as the Big East champion.

“Our goal this year was to get to the Final 16 and that is still what we are shooting for,” said Yaroshuk.

UM finally triumphs

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Despite a 10-1 loss on Sunday afternoon at the hands of the Long Beach State 49ers, the Miami Baseball team has to be happy with wins on Friday and Saturday night at Mark Light Stadium.

The two victories gave the Hurricanes their first weekend series win since they swept UCLA March 23-25.

“We would have liked to take all three games,” said Hurricane head coach Jim Morris. “Two out of three and a series victory is definitely a positive thing for us though.”

One Hurricane that continues to contribute on a regular basis to the to climb back into the regional picture is senior left fielder Brad Safchik.

The ‘Canes leadoff hitter was about the only hitter who showed up in the Sunday afternoon loss, going two for four and registering one third of the Miami hit total on the afternoon.

“We would have liked to win this last game,” Safchik said. “We fell behind early and didn’t start hitting until it was too late in the game.”

Safchik noted that regardless of the Hurricanes’ struggles this season and the blowout loss on Sunday, the team morale is still high.

“The morale is good,” said Safchik. “Any time you take two out of three from a team that is nationally ranked as high as No. 13, you are getting the job done. We needed this series win to build up our confidence going into Chapel Hill next weekend.”

“Brad has been doing well for us,” said Morris. “Not only is he getting on base all the time as a leadoff hitter, but when given the chance, he is driving in a lot of runs for us as well.”

Morris also noted what a good series it was for the team to build on for the rest of the season.

“As long as we keep doing what we are doing and winning two out of three games for the rest of the season, we will be in the regionals,” said Morris. “We did that this weekend and we are going to keep fighting the rest of the way. As long as we keep battling we will be there. If we give up and stop working hard, that is when we are going to run into trouble.”

Despite all the positives, Morris noted starting pitching being a large source of the Miami struggle this season.

“I really don’t know who is going to throw this weekend,” said Morris. “We will probably decide that much later in the week.”

In addition to starting pitching being a problem, the ‘Canes did not receive any production from the bottom of their lineup during the loss.

“The bottom of our lineup has been doing well with players such as Paco Figueroa getting on base a lot,” said Morris. “When giving these guys a chance to play, you can’t really base anything off of one game’s performance.

“We have been mixing things up a lot all season, but I don’t think we are going to change all that much in the lineup next weekend based on this games performance.”

On Saturday night, UM pitchers Kiki Bengochea and TJ Prunty were both slated to pitch a certain number of innings. The duo pitched well combining for 7.1 strong innings, giving up five earned runs and nine hits, while striking out four and walking four on the evening. With the effort, Bengochea received the win and improved his record to three wins and five losses on the season.

“It was definitely a positive thing for both of us to really get some good work in,” said Bengochea.

On Friday night, it was Hurricane third baseman Kevin Howard who played hero. With two men on base in the bottom of the ninth inning, and the scored tied at six, Howard blasted a pitch from Long Beach State pitcher, Daniel Eisentrager over the right -center field fence to give the Hurricanes a walk-off 9-6 victory. The laser off of Howard’s bat was his second game winning home run of the year and his seventh overall.

With the series victory, the Hurricanes improved their record to 20 wins and 19 losses.

The Hurricanes play next Wednesday night at 7p.m. against a very solid Florida Atlantic University squad who are currently ranked as high as No. 17 in the national polls. Following the mid week affair at Mark Light Stadium, the ‘Canes will travel to Chapel Hill, North Carolina for a very important three game set against the Tarheels.

Sports Briefs

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MEN’S TRACK & FIELD

Junior Andre Johnson won the 100-meters, and senior Gerald Wise took first in the javelin to lead the University of Miami at the South Florida Collegiate in Tampa, FL. Johnson, a wide receiver on the Hurricanes’ National Champion football team and co-MVP of this season’s Rose Bowl, finished first with a time of 10.68 marking his first win of the season. Wise easily outdistanced the field in recording his first win of the season. Wise registered a mark of 51.54 meters (169-01.00), which was nearly 19 feet farther than FIU’s Peter Marrero who finished second with a throw of 42.74 meters (140-03.00). The Hurricanes had several second-place finishers including sophomore Aaron Bass in the pole vault (4.57 meters/15-00.00), sophomore Russell Landy in the long jump (5.72 meters/18-09.25), junior Kenny Frank (Pomona, NY) in the 110-meter hurdles (14.67) and the 4×100-meter relay (40.72) of sophomore Willis McGahee, Johnson, freshman Roscoe Parrish (Miami Senior) and freshman Tanard Davis.

MEN’S FOOTBALL

The Broward Sheriff’s Office Deerfield Beach District is having a fun-filled family event and charity softball game for National DARE Day, Saturday, April 27, 2002. For the 10th year in a row, The University of Miami Football Team will take on the Community Business All-Stars and UM Coaches in a benefit softball game to raise money for youth programs in Deerfield Beach. The event will take place at the Deerfield Beach Middle School athletic complex, located at 701 SE 6th Avenue. Pre-game activities begin at 5:00 p.m. and the first pitch will be thrown at 7:00 p.m. Pre-game activities include a bounce house, hayrides, and games. For more information contact the Community Relations Office at 305-284-4609.

MEN’S
BASKETBALL

The University of Miami men’s basketball team held its annual awards banquet Thursday at the Mayfair House Hotel in Coconut Grove, FL. Miami, which recorded its eighth consecutive winning season, finished with an 24-8 overall record, 10-6 in the Big East, and reached the NCAA Tournament for the fourth time in the last five seasons. The Hurricanes established several school-records last season including victories (24), three-point field goals (236), three-point field goal attempts (684) and blocked shots (190). Among the award winners were James Jones as the Outstanding Student-Athlete, Darius Rice as the leading scorer, and Marcus Barnes, who was a member of the All Big-East Tournament Team.

Welcome to the Osbournes’

The Osbournes are way more than just another partaker of the reality TV show trend. The unscripted, highly-censored show happens to be hilarious, and has gained an increase in buzz and hype every week. This certainly hasn’t taken anyone by surprise, except the family itself.

Each Tuesday, the usual young MTV crowd, and a wider and older audience gather, around the television to watch the same situation over and over again: Ozzy mumbling unintelligible sentences, half composed of swear words, his wife Sharon telling him what to do or not do, Kelly whining and complaining about her brother Jack, who always goes on angry rampages at everyone. The Osbournes is a comedic reflection of the typical dysfunctional family. What else could America ask for in entertainment, but to see its own reflection?

The Osbournes has also served as the adequate CPR to revive Ozzy’s career. The self-proclaimed “Prince of Darkness” wasn’t able to strike a chord or made any impact on the charts with his last year’s album Down to Earth. However, lucky for Osbourne, his show features concert footages from his tour and his new songs are played throughout the episodes. Unsurprisingly, this has boosted his album sales and promotion, which needed push.

The key element that makes the show intriguing and fun is that the viewer gets to discover the unknown and unexpected aspects of the Osbourne household: mellow Ozzy is last in totem pole of decision making; Sharon waits up for Kelly, 17, and Jack, 16, to get home at night; Ozzy is anti-tattoos and drugs; Jack is quite a ladies’ man, and both children go to high school.

Kelly and Jack’s ever -changing wacky hairdos and the multiple cats and dogs are also a pivotal part of The Osbournes’ charm.

MTV producers are currently negotiating with the family the possibility of a second season, since this one has been so successful.

The Osbourne family has become the 21st century version of the Bradys, the Jeffersons, and the Cosbys. The difference: no scripts, no acting, and no pretending to be the royal family or rock and roll.

Column defending eco-left proves exactly the opposite

One recent response by a Hurricane reader does wonders to support my thesis in an earlier column on eco-fundamentalism. Even UM’S ‘green’ environmental activists doggedly adhere to debate techniques contrary to achieving rational discourse in presenting a clear and concise viewpoint for a specific issue.

The respondent, Ms. Pitts, seems to be consumed by ideals to which many succumb in not having been exposed to knowledge and information that directly challenges paradigms prevalent in popular culture, the press or in the modern academy. This is usually the result of a steady diet of presumed moral superiority endemic in fundamentalist environmentalism, which she alludes to as the ‘nobility of our cause.’ This is no small foible committed by persons who seek to establish a superior moral position in social and environmental issues. And it hinders rational economic choices and freedom in grappling with such problems. Perhaps use of the word ‘zealot’ is what ignited her. But her agitated off-topic response is exactly the reason to use such words when describing the ideological eco-left.

Ms. Pitts uses words and phrases directly from my column so I will assume she is referring to me when she levels ad hominum attacks in an attempt to reduce the legitimacy of my position. Her attempt to connect an ‘ethnocentricism of benighted individuals’ to my statements is a veiled and slanderous charge of racism, meant to question the moral standing of any idea that challenges the ideological eco-left dogma and, in effect, denigrates free intellectual inquiry. Nowhere, in my column do I try to establish a purported superfluous connection between environmental issues and racial constructs. This accusation is far removed from legitimate debate that uses relevant examples leavened with descriptive words to specifically support a position.

Ms. Pitts further establishes her progressive credentials by cavalierly ignoring the argument I used to support my position found in Bjorn Lomborg’s Skeptical Environmentalist’s specifically faulty models of data analysis. This ministration is typical of the self-styled anointed and falls along the same lines as the skewed analysis techniques Lomborg cites, which she ignores and fails to address. For her to state that ‘criticism has stalled short of raising sensible compelling arguments,’ displays an unwillingness to devote minimal effort to hear and study the position on the issue I specifically present. In the column I also clearly state the importance of pressing environmental problems and the necessity of creating rational workable solutions to solve them.

Perhaps those like Ms. Pitts who are ‘transcending boundaries and empowering ordinary people to live extraordinary lives’ should first ask we ordinary people if we really want their ‘noble’ and purported ‘towering feats of altruism’ to represent our interests. This is hyperbole and obfuscation and is the real modus operandi of the eco-left, which seeks to dictate which public policies are best for humankind.

Ms. Pitts seems stridently conscientious and environmentally engaged. She may claim to be one who doesn’t want to ‘sink markets’, but by embracing the deceptively coded language of racial conflict, victimization, class warfare and irrational dogma of the totalitarian eco-left, she is allying herself with those who do. She is also profoundly incorrect when she dutifully restates the old canard that posits environmental issues have nothing to do with green ‘dead presidents’. Perhaps she would prefer an eco-friendly but incentive-destroying-and heavily taxed-income in ‘non-green’ sucres or rupees.

Steven Stanley is a graduate student in the School of International Studies.

The key to the best sex

Every male student at the University of Miami student should, when waking up each morning, take one or two minutes to be grateful to God for what we have been given. Our campus, thanks in part to President Foote and the ones that came before him, is filled with dozens of beautiful women, with whom I can only dream of going out on dates and see what might happen afterward.

Ephemeral fantasies aside, my ultimate fantasy is a long-lasting fantasy. Not a quickie – a “one-time wham-bam-thank-you ma’am” – but one in which I work on my relationship with that special someone. Someone I can wine and dine, take to the movies, and give a kiss to every morning.

Call me old-fashioned, but I do believe there’s a big difference between a man and a woman making love and a man and a woman making whoopee for one night. In ordeer to achieve the second alternative, we have ten fingers that individually or simultaneously can do the trick. A good video or magazine can also help tremendously.

The foreplay, the smooching and the caresses are much better when the other side is more than a piece of meat with a B-size cup or half a dozen inches or more. Making love involves much more than just physical contact. It is an active expression of what we feel inside-the best of it, if the mood and the scent of the candle are right.

Besides the emotional concerns, we have health concerns-particularly HIV. Those 20 seconds of fun (or 40, if you’re a “good performer”) may end costing us much more than we ever bargained for.

I don’t believe that abstinence is the best protection. It would be too naive and too unnatural to ask college students at the peak of their heat to just hold on to their instincts until they meet their better half. But being careful and being selective would really help.

It’s funny but, in my Brazilian mind, the road to a sexual encounter is a long and tortuous journey. It takes charm; the right words at the right time, at the right place-with the right touch in all the right places. You might take a week or a couple hours to get there, but it’s still a lot of effort. Why waste all that energy on a one-night stand?

A good one night is followed by many others. It’s followed by two people getting to know each other, finding out how to make that one night into another better one, and an even better following that. And you can’t accomplish that on a one-time deal.

Daniel Paskin is a graduate student in the School of International Studies.

Getting lost is the only way to really find yourself

There is a game I like to play. These are the rules. Get in the car. Drive. Don’t read street signs. Ignore landmarks. Avoid main roads.

The object of the game is to get lost, and then to find the way home again. I take turns on side streets and hope the canals interrupt them or the highway brings them to an end.

It’s a game I’ve played in new cities, in old cities, and on two-lane highways and dirt roads. It’s the only way to know a place, to make it my own.

Since I don’t have a car these days, I have to hitchhike: Find some willing person to drive me around in circles with their eyes closed. I’m lucky; I know someone who knows the game and loves it as much as I do, and the other day we played it together for the first time. I had always known creating my own labyrinth was the way to find myself again, but when we lost ourselves together, I discovered its also a way to get to know someone else.

It takes away all the distraction and leaves just the inside-out navigation, the smell of oregano from a spice warehouse, and the surreptitious pleasure of a beautiful home with the lights on inside.

I know people who’ve lived in Miami as long as I have and have still never driven down Calle Ocho. This baffles me: For fear of getting lost, they’ll never know where they are.

Late at night the streets are quiet, and in a city, the sky is bright like dawn and midnight at the same time. The lights of the buildings reflect off the whites of the clouds, and the traffic lights blink on and blink off, as if they’re saying be careful-but like an anxious mother, they’re almost afraid to look. My friend says the way the sky looks at night makes him believe he could begin anything and it would be fruitful.

I ask myself what there is to begin now, and the red blinking lights tell me to look both ways and go; nothing otherwise will change. I wonder if I do this just for the surprise of coming out of a foreign street into something familiar, or if it’s for the satisfaction of knowing I will inevitably find home.

The thing is, it is impossible to get truly lost, in this game or in life itself. One way or another I will roll down the windows, sigh, and find the way back to something I know. In the end my way is the only thing I will have lost at all.

Angie Henderson is a graduate student in the School of International Studies

Soccer moms fund terrorists, not potheads

Has anyone else noticed those new anti-drug commercials lately? You know, the ones in which the government tries to scare you into believing that every time someone buys marijuana they are funding terrorism?

Indeed, the commercials are very dramatic, especially in light of the events of Sep. 11th. After all, who wants to fund terrorism? But I urge all you pot-heads to calm down and read closely.

Don’t you find it curious how the connection between drugs and terrorism is made to seem so obvious? At the same time, don’t you find it curious how the commercials mention nothing about how every time you buy gas you are conceivably helping to fund terrorists? Or how everyone with a sports utility vehicle is eating gas at an unprecedented rate and consequentially contributing tons of money annually to the countries that house these terrorists?

And why do they not mention anything about how our dubious dealings with the countries that give us all of this precious gasoline and oil are quite possibly half the reason these terrorists hate us so much? I mean, not only are we occupying their countries and exploiting their economies, but we are also destroying their plots of earth as fast as we possibly can.

Oh but wait, I forgot. No one likes to admit to the bad stuff. So I understand why we would want to pretend it doesn’t happen. And I can see how some marketing genius was able to turn it into a brilliant attempt to lend credence to our impotent war on drugs.

This all might sound very radical, but I’d bet you it’s not too far from the truth. I believe that blaming junkies for the problem of terrorism is too easy an excuse. It works too perfectly and seems like a ploy to appease the average soccer mom who drives an SUV and wants her kids to stay away from drugs. And my theory is that it is exactly that soccer mom, spending hundreds of dollars a month on gas, who is the real terrorist.

Travis Atria is a sophomore majoring in English literature.