Dear V,
So I don’t even know where to start. I was in a relationship that ended in a full dumpster fire, allegedly “mutual.” About three months later, I was casually informed by, let’s put it lightly, a drama queen that my ex was talking to someone new. His friends were my friends, or at least I thought they were, and when I asked them if it was true, they denied it profusely…
From, Dumped in a dumpster fire
Response:
There’s no better advice than telling you to appreciate the fact that your intuition was spot on and your ex was talking to someone new. Sometimes there’s no better feeling than clarity.
Obviously this raises questions about your ex’s friends — who you thought were also yours — and the actual timeline of things.
After getting the news from the “drama queen,” you were right to pick up the phone and call his best friend. But from here on out, you need to completely distance yourself. He showed who his loyalty really belongs to — and it wasn’t you.
More often than not, I’ve seen friend groups fall apart over one relationship not working out. Unfortunately, things won’t be the same as they were before this drama-filled breakup.
On the bright side, if your ex is as shady as he sounds, his friends probably are too, and it’s for the better that they’re out of your life.
Coming across that photo, even months later, would’ve made my heart instantly sink. No matter how moved on you truly were at the time, that had to hit hard.
What would bother me the most, if I were you, is if you naively maintained a friendship with his friends after they blatantly lied to your face.
Now, I’m a very confrontational person, but I have to tell you not to confront them for lying. No matter how badly you might want to. His friends are in too deep and confronting them just opens the gate for more lies. And it makes you look like you care.
As for the downgrade, all you can do is sit back and laugh. Liars tend to go for people with similar traits, and clearly he hasn’t grown up at all. Be glad you got out when you could.
In the end, you should feel really good about your situation. Your ex took a major downgrade, you know who to trust and you sound like you’ve moved on from the situation.
You should give a big thanks to the “drama queen” in your life too, she was a real one.
Love, V