Valentine’s Day is over. The roses are wilting. The chocolates are half-eaten. Now it’s time to ask yourself: Did you actually have fun?
Because the shrug and “oh, it was fine” combo is not a review anyone should be giving their own sex life.
From here on out, I’m declaring 2026 the year of main character sex.
And that starts with one simple rule: You finish too.
Maybe you’re soft and sweet. Maybe you prefer to be bent over and rocked into a pillow. Maybe in college — while you’re exploring with that guy from the frat you swore you hated — you dabble in a bit of everything.
That’s okay. What’s not okay?
Bad sex. It’s the opposite of okay, actually.
Mediocre sex is so unsexy it hurts — like the handprints on your thighs you wake up to, hungover on a Saturday morning, except there’s no fun story to accompany it. Sis, if the only thing that climaxed was his ego, we need to have a chat.
Because here’s the secret no one wants to admit: Women fake it. And we are disturbingly good at it.
So good, in fact, that every Chad and Brad on this campus walks around thinking he’s a generational talent. But, he’s not a sex god. You’re just a good actress.
But in this never-ending cycle of fake moans, women are contributors too. You cannot complain about mediocre sex while applauding mediocre performance.
Tell him what you like. Tell him what you don’t.
Move his hand. Adjust the angle. Say “slower,” “harder,” “right there.”
If he’s worth your time, he’ll listen. If he doesn’t? That’s your cue to bail.
Main character sex is about being intentional — with yourself and your partner. It’s about understanding that your pleasure is no longer negotiable. You deserve to enjoy yourself.
And if you’re thinking, “Oh, but V, this advice doesn’t seem to apply to lesbian relationships,” you’d be right. They already understand what I’m talking about. This one’s for my ladies stuck in heteronormative entanglements, planning their next d**k appointment, hoping it actually makes them want to cancel brunch.
Maybe the real issue is that you don’t know what you like yet. That’s okay. Figure it out. On your own. With curiosity instead of shame. Light a candle. Take a walk down that CVS aisle that once felt forbidden and select your new sidekick.
This is the year we retire fake moans and raise the bar. The stars will make their way into your eyesight naturally.
So as you link up with your man, remember that your body really is a temple. Start worshipping it.
And any guy that visits?
Make sure he does too.
With love,
V