Coronavirus f**ked up my sex life

While classes can survive online, my sex life cannot. The administration’s decision to shut down campus has drastically affected my hopes for any kind of action for the remainder of the semester. I am currently in the midst of packing up life as I know it in the Mahoney-Pearson Residential College and moving back to my sexless suburb, where it seems only the most annoying and unattractive people reside.

Recently, things were looking up. Thanks to COVID-19, I had my first ever Tinder date with a Miami local who was sent home from her FSU study abroad program in Europe. Over some coffee and pastries at Madruga Bakery, I found myself connecting with someone cute, kind and normal. Again, thanks to COVID-19, our first date has become our last due to government-sanctioned social isolation. It’s pretty f**king bad when the government is your cockblock.

Preparing for a total lockdown by stocking up on groceries and cleaning products may seem reasonable, but that was not my priority. I was determined to have sex one more time before this pandemic finds a way to make things worse. Messy and desperate, my phone has been buzzing with texts and Snapchats from girls I swore I would never contact. However the mantra of, “Well, it’s the end of the world,” made my self-worth and sex drive a lot more flexible.

After yet another rejection from a fellow Cane who I have been crushing on since last year, I came to an even more crushing realization: Life is just on pause for right now. I can’t be forcing any kind of experiences, romantic or sexual. Learning to love myself through thoughtful reflection, exercise and self care will ultimately be the most fulfilling path to take in this situation. Quarantine will allow me to actually focus on the most important part of my life— me.

With or without sex, no one can make me cum like I can make myself cum. Just make sure when you are preparing for the end of the world, you have enough batteries for your vibrator.

Be safe,