Talk dirty to me

Dear V,

Recently, my boyfriend asked me to be a bit more vocal in the bedroom and to say certain things in the heat of the moment. I have never tried talking dirty since I’m very uncomfortable with the idea of saying the wrong thing. How do I even know what to say?


Simply Speechless

Dear Simply Speechless,

I’m going to have you talking as dirty as the freshman communal bathrooms and sounding like you should be charging $3.99 a minute. All you need to do is follow my advice and pair it with the right amount of confidence.

When you think about it, talking during the act can actually bring you closer. Communication will not only make your sex better, but also reinforce the importance of consent.

Without further ado, I present V’s Beginner Guide to Dirty Talk:

If you are on the bottom, start off with small instructions and praises. Tell him what you want, and then when he does that you can tell him it feels good or he does that so well.

If you are on top, ask little questions. Ask if he likes what you are doing, or you can go as far as to make him beg you to do more.

Don’t hold back your moans, groans, grunts or anything in between since it actually can improve the enthusiasm. Most couples don’t actually pay too much attention to what’s being said when they’re already in the heat of the moment. Plus, your boyfriend is probably already so turned on by you that I doubt it’s even possible for you to say the wrong thing.

Porn is not an accurate representation of sex talk. Also, I am a firm advocate that college boys do not have the right to be called “daddy” since all they do is play fortnite and lie. You don’t need to call each other offensive names, or demand that he says your name. Besides, if you’re doing it right, he’ll scream your name anyway.