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Green fundamentalists

Two weeks ago the University Center Breezeway was filled with the sounds of true believers, gesticulating wildly and chanting a mantra that has become the lingua franca of the latest version of the movement. “Who are these fundamentalists?” you may ask. Radical Islamo-fascists? Jews for Jesus? Air Force ROTC? No. They are none other than the Greenpeace faithful, who had returned to entice inexperienced young students into the ranks of the anointed or simply shake down guilt-laden sympathizers to fill the coffers of their secular internationalist religion.

In this world religion, dissention is not tolerated and dissidents are cast away from the fold, so I watched and listened carefully as each recruiter earnestly displayed his or her revolutionary commitment in demonstrative rhetoric. I had my own epiphany years ago as to the true intentions of this cause so I braced myself to endure another assault on reason and human ingenuity.

I’d walked by several times and spoken with the faithful during my last two semesters observing their regular migrations back to UM and, like Canadian or Eurasian migratory loons, they had returned to the fat and ample breeding grounds of South Florida. I notice these annual migrations and the subtle means they use to recruit on university campuses throughout the United States. You may have noticed also and no doubt, a few of you were recruited as foot soldiers in their war by these recruiters to the faith.

The ones I had talked with were not UM students. That’s not to say that UM doesn’t have Greenpeace bishops or imams attending classes, but these adherents were clearly outside churchgoers. So I geared up and reveled in the debate until the point early in the discussion where things invariably turned to nonsense. An attempt at reasoned discussion with a true believer is never an easy task but I thought I’d have a try with a weathered copy of the Skeptical Environmentalist by ecologist and statistician Bjorn Lomborg and another gem called Damned Lies and Statistics by Joel Best.

It seems that Lomborg and Best, now exiled and reviled environmental heretics, reveal much suppressed empirical evidence and data that exists, which challenge the manipulative and deceptive techniques, as well as some of the preconceived notions flouted by these zealots. Much of his primary source data comes not just from other environmental scientists who have been banished to the bowels of their biology and chemistry buildings in order to keep their jobs, but from economists and statisticians as well.

Now, environmentalists have always cast a jaundiced eye at economists because they have a nasty habit of challenging false assumptions using measurable or historical facts. Environmentalists don’t like economists because they inhabit the worlds of the GDP, trade balances and price indices. It is not the more emotionally urgent and easily grasped world of tapped out aquifers or dying ecosystems, favorites here in South Florida. During one part of our discussion, I tried to explain to a few of these ‘green’ ground troops that they were relying on a “fixed coefficients model” that assumes a constant relationship between input and outputs. They measure these over only a very short period of time and assign the cost of environmental harm as infinity in terms of that same measurement. This highly inexact model never allows for technological change or substitution of resources and or application efficiencies that become standard with the passage of but a few years.

Clearly we have pressing issues with pollution, changes in weather patterns and other environmental concerns that require appropriate attention and responses with prudent and rational policies. But these require rational trade-offs using finite resources, not the destruction of capitalism or by herding the whole of humanity into cities. Religious ecological zealots like many in Greenpeace seem unwilling to consider these very real terms because part of their dogma insists that environmental damage is infinite, i.e. irreparable. I had expected a reasonable discussion, complete with some compromise toward workable solutions with these true believers. Nope. They would have none of it and I could see that my presence could easily create some discomfort with the head table apparatchik watching a prospective new labor force and potential funding source being poisoned by my heresies.

Greenpeace displays many trappings of anti-capitalist organizations susceptible to the embrace of environmental mysticism and anti-modern notions of primitive culture. The pull is strong especially when we see the beauty of nature and actually touch its handiwork. But I wasn’t wasting any more of my time. I walked away shaking my head detecting the low ethereal and enchanting hum of von Goethean ‘departure’ and Gramscian ’emancipation’. “K-y-oto…K-y-oto…K-y-oto…Save us.”

Steven Stanley is a graduate student in the School of International Studies.

Equal rights for all sexual orientations

In September, registered voters in Miami-Dade County will vote on a controversial no-brainer: whether or not to repeal the county’s 1998 Human Rights Ordinance. The county mandate prohibits discrimination in “housing, credit and finance, public accommodations, and employment” on the basis of “race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, sex, pregnancy, age, disability, marital status, familial status or sexual orientation.”

In a replay of what happened in 1977, social conservatives launched a petition drive a couple years back, hoping to force a public referendum on the future of the local legislation. After some controversy about suspicious irregularities on the petitions, the local elections department certified the petition drive, thus setting the stage for a critical autumn vote.

Opponents of the ordinance are seized by an irrational fear of homosexuality. But since ideological backwardness is growing increasingly unpopular in educated societies, some ordinance foes have embraced an alternative strategy that smacks of utter miscomprehension of scientific evidence. Consider a quote from a leading ordinance foe in the 2/9/00 edition of The Miami Herald: “Establishing homosexuality as a civil right would be akin to establishing alcoholism as a civil right.” The author of this analogy aims to confuse.

According to the Encyclopedia of Psychology published by the American Psychological Association, mainstream psychology “regards homosexuality as an alternative form of sexuality that is not associated with pathology.” Furthermore, “it seems likely [on the basis of empirical studies] that a wide variety of biological, psychological, social and cultural variables … contribute to sexual orientation.” Put another way, while scientists are still learning about the causes of homosexuality, they agree that homosexuality is not a disease.

According to the same publication by the same august organization, alcoholism (as opposed to alcohol abuse) is characterized by “repeated or compulsive use of alcohol … plus indications of physical and psychological dependence.” Furthermore, scientific studies of the origins of alcoholism show that the “strongest risk factor for the development of alcohol-related disorders is a family history of alcoholism.” Put another way, alcoholism is a debilitating ailment-a disease-with a strong genetic component.

I believe the foregoing analogy between homosexuality and alcoholism is poor. Although both behaviors are governed by a complex interaction of genes and the environment, alcoholism is basically a disease by virtue of its deleterious physical and behavioral effects while homosexuality is a benign lifestyle with no inherently harmful consequences.

In terms of our civil rights, a better analogue for homosexuality is…religion! Both are non-pathological lifestyles, neither of which should be used as grounds for unfair treatment. Everyone knows that humans have an unhappy history of discriminating against others on the basis of religion. But pretending that homosexuals aren’t also unjustly disparaged and discriminated against is suggestive of sheer, unadulterated bias.

Significantly, with regard to sexual orientation, the ordinance exempts religious institutions from treating people equally within the confines of supposed houses of God. That is presumably why many faith groups do not object to the amended ordinance.

This ordinance rejects preferential treatment on the basis of sexual orientation and many other criteria. Rather, it calls for fair treatment, which rational individuals should find totally unobjectionable. Significantly, the amendment to the ordinance is not stated in terms of gay-rights. Instead, it outlaws unfair treatment on the basis of any sexual orientation. I find this comforting: Even if all employers, landlords and creditors of the world magically become homosexuals, then this noble ordinance would still protect heterosexuals like you and me from pernicious discrimination.

Raj Singh is a junior majoring in philosophy.

The idiot’s guide to Spanish

A four-part formula for learning Spanish in Miami:

A study abroad student who recently arrived at UM from Singapore walked in the study abroad office and asked, “Is the native language in Miami Spanish or English?”

When I got here last summer, the Spanish words were in my head, they just seemed to like hanging out there so much they never came out of my mouth. These days I’ve accelerated my skills to picking up Costa Rican guys with my roommate using the following flawless formula.

STEP ONE – RRRRRomance:

You know how when a radio station plays the same song over and over again it usually gets annoying? In this case it’s helpful – if you don’t get the lyrics the first time, you can be absolutely assured they’ll play that song five times a day for the next three months, so you’ll catch them eventually. I do get no end of ridicule from one of my friends though. She swears only her mother and her pregnant cousin listen to Romance, WRMA 106.7. I can live with that.

STEP TWO – You can get anything on the Internet:

Ever felt it would be easier to speak a second language if you didn’t actually have to speak the language? Instant “messenging” is the answer. You never sound like the white guy on the beach in Cancun wearing black sandals with his tube socks pulled up too high; because you’re not actually speaking, the pressure’s off. So find a pen pal, invent a personality, and go for it.

STEP THREE – Those who can’t do, teach:

A few months ago, my boss asked me to tutor a kid in a second-year Spanish class as a refresher before the school year began. I agreed, with the proviso that at some point in the not too distant future he would exhaust my knowledge of the language. This happened at the end of the first tutoring session. When the kid came home with his first A in Spanish, however, I was suddenly elevated to the level of goddess of Spanish grammar. Cramming for a Spanish exam is nothing compared to cramming for a tutoring session where you’re going to help a kid cram for a Spanish exam.

STEP FOUR – La Cucaracha, La Cucaracha:

We’d been living in our apartment about two days when the cockroaches invaded. My roommate doesn’t like cockroaches. She attacks cockroaches with a can of Raid, a broom and dustpan, or a furiously whirring vacuum cleaner, whatever is available. Humberto, our maintenance man, does nothing. Well, he doesn’t do nothing. He earns his keep as a conversationalist, telling us, in Spanish, about his daughter’s prom date, his eye for women’s dress sizes, and why he quit drinking. He does nothing about the cockroaches, but he’s great as a Spanish tutor.

I have worked as an English teacher for years, but I never realized until now that how much of a second language you actually learn may depend on how many love songs you listen to, whether you hook up with strangers on the Internet, how bad some kid thinks his real teacher is, or how many dates your apartment maintenance guy’s daughter has. While picking up Central American men may not be not an official step in the formula, should you follow the steps I have outlined above, you too can pass the Spanish proficiency exam and go on to a fulfilling career as a cocktail waitress in a tiki bar on a beach in Acapulco.

Angie Henderson is a graduate student in the School of International Studies.

News Briefs and Campus Calendar

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YEAR BOOKS
To the graduating seniors of 2002, To cover significant spring events and sports, including commencement, the staff of the IBIS in conjunction with the Board of Student Publications has decided to deliver the 2001-2002 IBIS in late August via mail. To receive a copy of the yearbook, you must go to the Student Section of the IBIS webpage (www.miami.edu/IBIS ) and input the address where you would like to receive your yearbook. Seniors who register before May 1, 2002, will not need to pay for shipping. Those registering after May 1, 2002, will be charged for shipping (approx. $4.50 in the United States). If you have any questions, please e-mail IBIS@miami.edu and a member of the yearbook staff will answer in a timely manner.

2002 EXCELLENCE IN TEACHING AWARDS
The office of the Provost and the International Advancement Center are pleased to announce the 2002 Excellence in Teaching Award recipients:
Sanjeev Chatterje, School of Arts and Sciences, Broadcasting
David Janos, College of Arts and Sciences, Biology
Bruce Miller, College of Arts and Sciences, Theatre Arts
Arun Sharma, School of Business, Marketing
Donald Spivey, College of Arts and Sciences, History
Maria Stampino, College of Arts and Sciences, Foreign Languages
Kay Tatum, School of Business, Accounting.

HOUSING SIGN-UP
The deadline for current students to sign-up for on-campus housing for the 2002-2003 academic year is Friday, April 19th. Beginning on April 22nd, current students requesting on-campus housing will be placed on a waiting list should a vacancy become available. To apply for on-campus housing, visit the Department of Residence Halls office-Room. 153 in Eaton Residential College. For more information, call (305) 284-4505 or e-mail housing@miami.edu mailto:housing@miami.edu.

WORKS OF MICHELANGELO ON DISPLAY AT
SCHOOL OF ARCHITECTURE
School of Architecture students will display dozens of drawings and models inspired by the Renaissance figure Michelangelo through April 18 at the School of Architecture Gallery. The School of Architecture Gallery is free and open to the public 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. Monday through Friday.

APRIL IS NATIONAL STI AWARENESS MONTH
The Wellness Center will be distributing condoms and educational information in the Breezeway every Thursday during April between 11-a.m.-1p.m. to celebrate national STI Month. For more information on STI’s or condoms distribution, please contact 305-284-6524.

MENINGITIS VACCINATION CLINICS OFFERED IN BREEZEWAY
Student Health Center will be offering meningitis vaccinations in the Breezeway throughout the month of April for $49.99 (compared to the regular price of $70). Clinics are scheduled for April 11, April 18, and April 25 between 11:30a.m. to 1:30p.m. Cash or check will be accepted at the breezeway Clinics. Vaccines will be offered at the Student Health Center throughout the month of April for students who can not attend clinics.

Sign-up for on-campus housing!

Today
Hui Aloha: Pacific Night tonight at 6:30-10p.m. on the UC Patio with Hula, Polynesian revue, craft sale, authentic Hawaiian food, DJ Sage, door prizes and more…

Kids-N-Culture: Want to be a mentor for a day? Sign-up for Kids-n-culture and hang out with the 4th graders from Little River Elementary from 9a.m.-3p.m. today. For more information call 305-284-GIVE.

The Committee on Student Organizations (COSO) is accepting applications for the 2002-2003 year. Interested in getting involved? Pick-up an application in UC 209, the STIC. Applications must be returned by today. Need more information? Check out our site at www.miami.edu/coso.

I-WEEK: “Carnival” – Caribbean Day on patio from 12p.m.-5p.m.

I-WEEK: “Onipa’a Kakou” – Pacific Night on patio from 7p.m.-10p.m.

I-WEEK island party at the Rat from 10p.m.-2a.m.

Sun April 14
Alpha Kappa Alpha is having A Splash of Pink Pool Party from 2-5p.m. at the UC pool as part of their “So fresh and so clean pink and green” skee week

Alumni Appreciation Week
(April 15-22 there will be Alumni Trivia Contests from 10a.m.-2p.m. in the UC Breezeway).

Mon April 15
Summer housing sign-up starts today.

Alpha Kappa Alpha will have a Green Apple A Day, Health forum as part of the”So fresh and so clean with pink and green” skee week at the Wellness Center from 5-7p.m.

Alumni in training lunch on the UC patio from noon (free lunch to first 300 students).

Tues April 16
The annual Greek Community Polishing Ceremony which honors outstanding students, professors, and administrators, will take place today at the Faculty Club. For more information call Dean of Students Office at 305-284-5353

Alpha Kappa Alpha is having a movie night at the Rathskeller at 8p.m..

Distinguished Alumni Lecture Series featuring Barry Richard, AB’64, JD’67 at 6:30p.m. at the Lowe Art Museum. RSVP by contacting Office of Alumni Relations at 305-284-2872.

Earth Alert is holding its annual Earth day celebration “Earthfest” from 1a.m.-4p.m. on the UC Patio.

Wed April 17
Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc. : A part of the “So fresh and so clean with pink and green” skee week there will be a poetry night at 8p.m. at the Rathskeller.

The Living Wage Coalition will be holding a Living Wage Speak-Out and demonstration on the Rock from 11:45a.m.-12:45p.m.

Thurs April 18
The Greater Miami’s Hillel’s Isreal Programming Council will be hosting Yom Ha’atzmaut (Israel Independence Day) at UM from 11a.m. until 2p.m. today on the UC Patio.

Alpha kappa alpha is having a Mr. So Fresh and So Clean, male auction from 7-9p.m. at the UC International Lounge.

Free Princeton Review Practice Tests (for seniors only) : MCAT, LSAT, GMAT, GRE) at 11a.m. Please RSVP the Princeton review at 305-662-1464.

Hurricane Productions welcomes film director John Waters to campus at 7p.m. for a lecture at The Storer Auditorium. The lecture is free to students and $10 at the door for all others. For more information call Hurricane productions at 305-284-4606.

Fri April 19
Alpha Kappa Alpha is having a Pinkyland at the Rock from 11:30a.m.-2:30p.m. as part of their “So fresh and so clean with pink and green” skee week.

Sat April 20
Alpha Kappa Alpha is having a B-B-Q at 2-5p.m., location to be announced.

Student ‘reject’ art show debuts

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Salon des Refuses was the place where late 19th century Impressionist painters exhibited their works when they were rejected from The Academy, according to art student Marc Johnson.

The Alternative or Egalitarian Art Show, presented by Salon des Refuses and organized by Johnson, is being put on in the same strain, he said.

The show, taking place on Friday, April 26 at 7:30 in the Rainbow Building, will be exhibiting student art works not accepted by the annual student exhibition at the Lowe as well as others.

“With the exception of the yearly Lowe art show, there is nothing for the art students. There should be a monthly, rotating exhibition and whoever wants to exhibit their work should be able to. One showing is not enough,” Johnson said.

Johnson, as well as other art students, are putting together the show because they believe that there should be a greater forum for art students to exhibit their work, he said.

“A lot of really interesting art doesn’t get into the mainstream exhibitions,” said art professor, Kathleen Staples. “This is a terrific opportunity to see the exciting work our student artists are doing.”

“[The Alternative Art Show] is a long time overdue,” said art professor Walter Hines. It has been 10 years since the last student-run student exhibition was held, he said.

“I believe a student run exhibition can be better than a juried, official show. Hopefully, if this event goes well, student exhibitions will become a recurring event,” Johnson said.

He also said he hopes that this showing will be the first step towards a greater appreciation for the arts on campus.

Johnson contrasted the lack of interaction amongst art students with that amongst those in the School of Music.

“The music students have great opportunities. There are recitals concerts nightly,” he said. “Hence, the students not only get a chance to see performances, but interact with their peers outside the classroom.

“This interaction is an important part in the process of learning and I feel that the undergraduate are students are deprived of such opportunities,” he said.

“It is important in art for students to take their own initiative,” Hines said.

“I would like to see the community more interested in the arts, and the and the artists and the art department taking more initiative in displaying work,” Johnson said. “We are taking it upon ourselves to exhibit the unaccepted. There is talent on campus, but we will never know if we are not given the opportunity to exhibit.”

All student art works will be accepted as long as they are submitted by Wed., April 24. The Rainbow Building is located on 1540 LeVante Ave, behind the Titanic Brewery.

For more information please contact Marc Johnson at m.johnson7@umiami.edu.

School of Music’s new facilities to open by Spring 2004

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“‘If music be the food of love, play on – William Shakespeare,'” quoted Marta Week, namesake of the latest addition to the School of Music.

April ninth 2002 marked a historical day for the School of Music with the groundbreaking for the $10 million state-of-the-art Marta and Austin Weeks Music and Technology Center.

“It is an extraordinary gift from Marta and Austin Week and is part of a long tradition of generosity to the university,” said Luis Glaser, Executive Vice President and Provost.

Previous gifts included the L. Austin Weeks Center for Recording and Performance, home to the 145-seat Clark Recital Hall and a recording studio for music engineering students.

The couple are also responsible for assisting over 40 students through the Marta and Austin Weeks Music Scholarship Endowment. Mrs. Week is on the board of trustees.

“The Weeks legacy will continue to influence the music school through their generous contribution. We are deeply grateful to them,” said William Hipp, School of Music dean.

The Center, expected to be completed by Spring 2004, will include a 15,300 sq. foot music library and a 5,200 sq. foot advanced technology center, with six computer laboratories.

“For the first time in decades it will permit the school to house all its collections in one place,” said Dean Hipp.

Presently half the collections are stored in the Richter Library and the other half in the School of Music Library.

The six new labs will enable students to work with specialized hi-tech equipment.

“It will allow students to stay on the cutting edge of music technology,” said President Donna Shalala.

The groundbreaking, which took place behind the Clark Recital Hall, was a high profile, highly publicized event, with the appearance of President Shalala, Chairman and Vice Chairmen and Members of the Board of Trustees and Deans and Faculty of various UM schools.

It started off on a high note with a performance by the School of Music students and was followed by a welcome message from Dean Hipp and remarks on the occasion by President Shalala, Luis Glaser, Philip Frost (on the Board of Trustees), and Mrs. Week. Mr. Week could not attend the event due to ill health.

“Music isn’t important in the sense of food or shelter but it has provided me with countless moments of inspiration and made me think noble thoughts,” said Frost.

“The school has thrived as a leader in higher education and is a microcosm in today’s music industry,” acknowledged Shalala.

Marta Austin was honored with a standing ovation and a memento consisting of photographs and letters from students who have benefited from their scholarship fund.

“Without people coming before us and helping, a lot of us wouldn’t be here today,” Mrs. Week said.

“What better place to direct the money than roll it to the music school. I hope all of you students will one day try to pass along the same generosity to the next generation,” she said.

The lobby of the new music library will be dedicated to Mr. Week’s late mother, Una Austin Week. She entertained British troops during World War 1 and influenced her son’s love of music, they said.

“I am pleased to honor her love of music in the new library,” said Mrs. Week.

The students seem thrilled with the new additions and facilities.

“The School of Music is underdeveloped. It’s a good school but the facilities are kind of tough. So these new facilities will be great,” said Bonnie Lander, a freshman in that school.

“We are grateful for the Weeks’ unwavering generosity throughout the university,” said Shalala.

Registration priorities change

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Registration for fall classes began on Monday, but this time it started without athletes, honors students and other special group members getting priority treatment.

A committee of deans chaired by Vice Provost Perry Lee Roberts brought the issue before Associate Dean of Enrollments and Registrar Scott Ingold, suggesting changes were needed in the registration process, Ingold said.

“The deans agreed that we’ve gotten to the point now where we really needed to rethink the process to make it a little bit more equitable,” Ingold said.

Ingold posed the question:

“Do we continue to provide opportunities for special groups to be given priority during registration and then fill in with everybody else, or have we gotten to a point now where we look at the special groups in terms of where they would fall based on their class?”

Ingold decided it was time to make the switch and allow priority registration for honors and special groups students only within their class level.

The decision came after juniors and seniors were being locked out of classes they needed to graduate, Ingold said.

“That was part of the impetus behind the conversation,” Ingold said. “Those types of issues are what caused the group to bring it up.”

“I think it’s a good idea because if I was a senior and there was a freshman athlete signing up before me, I’d be pretty mad,” Megan Dwyer, a junior in the honors program, said.

“Instead of letting all the honors students and special groups register on the first day, it is more equitable to allow all the honors and special groups seniors to go on the first day, and then seniors on the second day,” Ingold said.

“I’m not happy about this,” freshman Billy Bludgus said. “The whole point of having early registration for special groups is because it’s imperative that we get the sections that fit into our demanding schedules.”

Bludgus is a 4.0 student in the honors program. He is also an athlete and a member of President’s 100.

Under the old system, Bludgus would have registered on the first day, Monday April 8th. Now, freshman Bludgus has to wait until April 17.

“Only being able to register before other freshmen serves me no good at all because all the courses I’m taking are upper level courses which are being filled by sophomores and juniors,” Bludgus said.

“Are there going to be some issues with some students? Yes there will be. And I’ve already got a commitment from the associate deans that they would look at special cases,” Ingold said.

One issue some students stumble upon is being a few credits short of being considered a member of the next class level.

“Because I had a withdrawal from one class last semester,” Dwyer said, “I was one credit short of being considered a senior, so even though I’m in the honors program, and an athlete and it’s my senior year I had to wait till the third day.”

Everything worked out for Dwyer since she got the classes she needed.

“Even though it seems more hectic, I still think it’s a good idea,” Dwyer said.

Pres. Shalala slated to teach new class

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Going, going-gone!

Interested in taking a class in healthcare policy with the longest serving secretary of Health and Human Services (HHS) in the country’s history?

Too late, unless one of the 20 students enrolled in POL 536 gets cold feet and drops out. When the office of the registrar opened Wednesday morning, five seats remained open. One hour later, they were gone.

The class, which will be taught in President Shalala’s conference room, marks the veteran lecturer’s debut as a professor at UM.

“As soon as I heard about the class, I just knew I had to take it,” said junior Israel Andrews, 21, who believes taking the course will increase his chances of getting into a top Medical School. ” I have heard from friends that many of the questions you have to answer when applying for Medical School relate to policy,” he added.

The course will delve into major health policy issues such as providing healthcare for the elderly and the uninsured.

Students will be “looking at how people make decisions,” said Shalala, who said the recent anthrax scare will likely be addressed. “We will probably examine how the government handled the situation.”

Since Shalala left Washington, many of the rules of the game have changed.

“I can’t teach from my old notes,” said Shalala, who intends to work on the syllabus during the summer.

Enrolled students be warned: “There will be a lot of writing involved,” said Shalala, who added she’s not big on tests, but intends to assign short papers every week.

As far as grades go, the president said she’s got “very tough standards.”

Andrews is not scared. “Believe me,” he said, “it can’t be worse than microbiology.”

June Dreyer, chairperson of the Political Science Department is very excited the president will teach a course that has never been offered.

“This is obviously a subject she knows a lot about,” said Dreyer. “It’s a really exceptional opportunity to take a course with an international authority on the topic.”

Shalala headed the Department of Health and Human Services for eight years during Bill Clinton’s administration.

At the beginning of her term she had a budget of approximately $600 billion to run a variety of programs including Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, Child Care and Head Start, Welfare, the Public Health Service, the National Institutes of Health, the Center for Disease Control and Prevention and the Food and Drug Administration.

Shalala, who taught while she served as chancellor of the University of Wisconsin-Madison and president of Hunter College, intends to teach at least one class per year. The next one will likely be in education, although for the time being her mind is once more fixed on healthcare politic.

“I’m extremely excited,” she said “It’s a very hot issue.”

New A&S Dean hopes to grow, excite, electrify

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Water spiders sparked James Wyche’s first fling with science.

As a 10-year-old in his native Rhode Island, the recently appointed vice provost and dean of the College of Arts and Sciences one day assembled a rudimentary microscope out of bent pieces of glass to scrutinize the eight-legged creatures.

“It was fascinating,” said Wyche, 59, in an interview from his office in Tougaloo, Miss.

Since that day, he’s never had a vocational change of heart, he said.

However, Wyche maintains that his longtime marriage with the sciences-he has a Ph.D. in biology from John Hopkins University and has taught posts at Hunter College, the University of California and Brown University among others-should not concern those who are in the non-scientific realms of the college.

“People would only have to look more closely at my background,” said Wyche in reference to his commitment to the social sciences and humanities.

His accomplishments as executive director of The Leadership Alliance-a consortium of leading research and teaching institutions dedicated to improving participation of underrepresented minorities-attest to that commitment, he said.

“For the past few years, people have actually been accusing me of abandoning the sciences,” remarked Wyche half-jokingly, adding that he intends to take advantage of UM’s geographical location and diverse population in order to increase the Leadership Alliance’s activities in the Caribbean and South America.

One of Wyche’s first-and possibly most challenging tasks-will be overseeing the transfer of School of International Studies into Arts and Sciences. Wyche said the merger, which outraged some students and faculty members, was a wise move.

“It couldn’t fit better into my game plan,” Wyche said.

He believes the merger will not keep programs within SIS from growing and improving, he said.

That growth, Wyche conceded, will need considerable financial backing.

“I see a period of real academic growth backed by a major fundraising effort,” said Wyche, anticipating he will be playing a “large role” during President Shalala’s first major fundraising campaign.

Under Wyche’s management, the Leadership Alliance has raised $8 million from private and public sources, making postgraduate studies feasible for over 1,000 minority students.

“Dr. Wyche has made it very clear that he enjoys raising money and intends to do so,” said President Donna Shalala, who admitted she’s worried the present fundraising effort is off to a slow start.

Money is on more than the president’s mind.

“We would like to bring in people at the top of their game,” said Robert Levine, director of Latin American Studies, who said he received the news of SIS folding into Arts and Sciences as “potentially good news.”

Good news, Levine said, provided Wyche manages to “electrify the place, and get people [in several academic fields] excited about working together.”

Boosting interdisciplinary programs, Wyche said, is a top item on his agenda.

“He knows some of the leading minority scholars,” said Shalala, adding that Wyche’s role as vice provost will give him more leeway in recruiting minority faculty.

Roughly 65 percent of the Leadership Alliance alumni are African American while approximately 30 percent are Hispanic.

Wyche is the UM’s first undergraduate black dean-a distinction he acknowledges, but quickly plays down.

“I don’t believe it played any role in my appointment,” said Wyche about his skin color. “That’s never been something up my sleeve.”

That, however, does not mean he’s colorblind.

“For those who have been historically underrepresented, I have a responsibility.”

Shalala said the color of Wyche’s skin was welcome news for a university that prides itself on diversity, but not an advantage over his contenders.

“He was the best qualified candidate,” said Shalala, who added there was a clear consensus that Wyche was the best pick among faculty and students who met prospective deans.

A top concern for many students is making sure Wyche “attacks the SIS situation, by allowing students and faculty members to adjust to [forthcoming] changes,” said Aimee Dehbozorgi, a student government senator for the College of Arts and Sciences.

“Wyche is an agent of change,” Shalala said. “He’s not here to retire.”

The largest of the university’s schools and colleges, Arts and Sciences will have a student population of roughly 3,400 by the time Wyche slips into his new office Aug. 1.

Shalala and Wyche first met in 1981 while she was president of Hunter College and he was a biology professor.

Wyche first pitched his name to UM officials last fall when he was debating whether to take on the presidency of Tougaloo College, in Jackson, Miss., where he has been serving as interim president for roughly a year.

He flew down to Miami in February to meet with UM officials who were in the process of narrowing the search for the new dean.

He was asked to return on March 24.

Four days later, Wyche received an official offer from the university, which he accepted by the end of the month after negotiating salary, a contingency fund and the job title.

Not oblivious to the magnitude of his job, Wyche says he doesn’t feel overwhelmed.

“For some of us, managing organizations is about using your head and your gut when making decisions, and not trying to do everything by yourself,” he said.

Song of Spring: Mary J. Blige ‘No More Drama’

It had been awhile since I had gone to a gay club – not that indulging in hedonism and superficialities is such an unfavorable pastime. It was just that I had grown tired, and almost bored, with the queers as folks.

So imagine my surprise to find some type of aesthetical enjoyment halfway through a night full of sweaty T-shirt swirling muscle men and plastic, diva-worshipping overly-coiffed boys.

After a long dose of high intensity techno, the music got real quiet, somber blue lights washed the dance floor, little pieces of foam started showering the gelled-up hairs of the guys, and the Young and the Restless theme started playing.

The guys all around me smiled; they knew the song. It must have been played again and again. Mary J. Blige’s No More Drama seems targeted for the young, gay, ethnic “Paris is Burning” set – with all it’s mentions of lost love, cheating boyfriends, and frequent use of the very gay word: drama.

Maybe Blige knows her fan base, or maybe Blige has a kinship with this demographic. Considering the plotline of the song, and the usually topsy-turvy, conflicting lives of gay youth, I’d guess the latter.

Blige begins the song bemoaning the trivialities of the petty soap operas facing her life. Broken heart again, another lesson learned, better know your friends, or you will be burned. Sounds like somebody’s boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend.

And while most diva songs would discount this fact for the length of the song, Blige’s already sick of the whole idea. She’s moving on. It’s not even the best friend or the boyfriend she’s mad at, it’s the whole idea of living with these prosaically repetitive dramas.

But maybe I like it this way, cause I was young and restless, but that was long ago, I don’t want to cry no more. As the song moves along, we find Blige coming to grips more and more with her lifestyle, understanding a newfound yearning for independence and self-sufficiency. The strains of the Young and Restless theme start getting more and more washed out by Blige’s voice as she crescendos and the song begins to pick up steam.

Just as it reaches its climax, the build up stops, and we are back to just the Young and Restless theme and a controlled Blige singing, I don’t know…Only God knows where the story ends for me, but I know where the story begins.

In this most elegant section of the song, Blige calls attention to the soap opera backdrop again, calling her life a “story,” a word so many suburban housewives use in reference to their soap. She is finding her ground – her life is starting over, hopefully drama-free.

Blige wants us to believe, and keeps stating, that she hates all these dramatics – she wants a life free of “tears,” “games,” and “pain.” Yet, the most ironic part of the song is just how dramatic the song itself is. As much as she hates drama, Blige herself can’t help lay the drama on.

After all, she is the diva of the moment – the woman who practically lost it on the Grammys’ stage, the fierce woman who spouts out all her emotions with force, a killer voice, raw energy: All of the exaggerated aspects of a woman that the “diva” represents.

By the end of the song, albeit all her attempts to control her urges to burst, she bursts. Her strong voice has escalated to a fever pitch – wrought with all sorts of emotions, proclamations, exclamations, and, most importantly, screaming with drama.

As much as Blige insists she longs for “no more drama,” one realizes that she could not live without it. Perhaps, after a long day of dealing with backstabbing friends and unfaithful boyfriends, a gal may get sick and tired of having a life worthy of Erica Kane. Still, though, without a life full of Shakespearean-level dramatics, Blige’s brazen voice would have no backdrop from which to sing. It would whither and that in itself is a plot-twist no one wishes.

Non-inspiration for the masses ‘You Can Be Anything!’

This is not a children’s book.

Again, for emphasis: This is NOT a children’s book. Despite its child-like writing and stick-people artwork, this, as stated in the introduction, “is a book about grown-ups, for grown-ups who have grown. This is not for your children, but may be suitable for delinquent young teens.”

You can be anything! From A to Z: An anti-inspirational guide to adulthood, by Sarah Montague is the truth no one wants to face, told with a cruel yet hilarious twist. It is written very much like a kids’ “you can be anything book”-but names everything that no one truly wants to become.

From Amy, who is adopted, to Zeke, who “works forty hours plus overtime at the zoo,” You can be anything! looks at reality with black-tinted lenses and more than a smattering of sarcasm.

Covering everything from drunks, to Born Again Christians to schizophrenics to “trekkies” to young republicans, Anything! is merciless. It covers all the stereotypical negative qualities of each, exposing their flaws to the world with the greatest flair possible for a not-for-children children’s book.

Precisely because of her painfully simple language, Montague’s humor is that more biting. A classic example:

“Micah is a Dungeons & Dragons Master. When you roll the dice he says things like ‘You are entering a dark corridor. You have a magic dagger and the charisma of 9.’ He’s never had a girlfriend.

Do you like playing games?”

By following this model, letter after letter, one can’t help but keep flipping through its short 53 pages, anxious for the next inevitable put-down. A masterful work in its simplicity and cruelty, Anything! is excellent reading anytime a pick-me-up is desperately needed.