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EDITORIAL

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This past Tuesday marked the final public debates between gubernatorial candidates Bill McBride and Jeb Bush, leaving many college students thinking, “Wake me up when we vote for the president.” Yes, electing the new governor of Florida does not exactly draw out droves of students to the voting booths. Well, to be fair, statistics say that nothing draws out droves of students to the voting booths.

But why is it that the body of individuals known as “students” seems to have so little interest in changing the political scene of America? Is it because so much of the debates focus on prescription medicine for the elderly and Medicare? This may be so, but in 2002, we as students actually have an issue that applies directly to us: school.

Undoubtedly, many voters are thoroughly confused by the propagandistic media campaigns run by both candidates. Should we believe McBride who claims that Bush has been a complete failure on making Florida schools better? Or should we believe Jeb who can be seen in his commercials putting up crosswalks, helping old ladies across the street, and talking to a classroom full of first graders who chime, “Thank you Jeb”? It is a very hard decision; after all, those first graders seem to really love Jeb.

Well, with a little bit of research, the facts become fairly apparent. Talk to almost any public school teacher in Florida, and they will be even more apparent. Jeb has failed our schools. His voucher plan, despite being criticized as unconstitutional, has been in the works for years, but has done nothing. After four years in office, Florida’s public school test scores are still among the worst in the nation. There has been little to no improvement in teachers’ salaries, and although federal money is available, the average class size in many public schools is still unacceptable.

To make commercials that claim that he has lived up to even the least of his promises, especially those to make schools better is, frankly, insulting to any intelligent voter. Bush had his chance and he did nothing with it. As students, we must do everything we can to make sure that a man with such a terrible record on schools (not to mention the environment, crime, prison sentences for drug offenders, etc) does not get re-elected to another term in which he can break more promises.

Of course, questions of McBride’s credibility and qualifications can be raised, and rightly so. He is a man who has been relatively untested in a political arena, and it is not possible to say exactly what he will do if elected governor. However, he has plans to tax the sale of cigarettes and use a large portion of the money to augment teachers’ salaries. He also has promised to promote smart growth and preservation efforts in the Everglades (still, much to the chagrin of Greenpeace, neither candidate has a plan for clean energy as of yet). These are just a few of McBride’s proposed changes in the government of Florida that students should feel deep concern about.

Again, there is no way to know if McBride will keep his promises unless we elect him. But, we do know one thing that should help in the decision: Bush has not kept his promises. Electing Bill McBride as governor of Florida may end in failure, but electing Bush already has. So go out and vote, and when you do, remember that prophetic saying that Jeb’s brother just couldn’t seem to get right during that blunder of a speech in Tennessee (it will be printed in its correct version here), “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.”

International studies course breaks out of the classroom

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Students enrolled in INS 375, The Economics of Development and Environment, do not have to worry about exams, but they do receive invaluable lessons about the Florida Everglades.

The course is taught by Dr. Richard Weisskoff in the International Studies department and encourages students to think about the environment they live in and how to improve it.

“This is a student-generated course where they are asked to have the courage to change,” Weisskoff said.

“I decided to take this class because I am studying development and its effects in the world today,” said Nita Rench, a senior majoring in elementary education and international studies. “Economics has a great impact on how the world is run and how the environment is impacted, so this class was a logical choice.”

The course has been taught in traditional ways in the past, but Weisskoff has made the effort to get students interested in the world outside of the classroom by taking the class on field trips and bringing in guest lecturers who have made careers out of environmental activism.

“The point of the trips are to understand reality by getting into it,” Weisskoff said. “We also have guest lecturers who serve to help us, excite us and give us information that we otherwise wouldn’t know.”

Students took their first trip of the semester to the Florida Keys.

“We went to this park in Marathon that had an environment similar to the environments of the Caribbean area,” Rench said. “We learned more about the different plant species there. We also went to a museum that contained many artifacts about the area, both geological and historical.”

World famous activist and past chairman of the Florida Audubon Society, Captain Ed Davidson, was also present at the trip.

“He took us through a nature center and spoke to us about being activists and saving the environment before it’s too late,” said Abby Dwyer, a student in the class. “He has dedicated himself to the preservation of the Everglades and wildlife in South Florida.”

Dr. Weisskoff is also planning a second field trip for the end of November.

“We will be taking a tour of the Everglades National Park and then an air boat ride with Buffalo Tiger, who is the last traditional chief of the Miccosukee Tribe,” Weisskoff said.

According to students, the field trips break up the monotony of a regular class and provide students with a wealth of knowledge that simply can’t be read in textbooks.

“At first, it was really hard to figure out what Dr. Weisskoff had in mind and where the class was heading,” Rench said. “However, now I am really appreciative of his teaching style. I have learned a lot from the novels that we have read.”

“I also really think the field trips that we are going on will make the issues at hand more real, some of which must be experienced to be understood,” Rench said.

“The course is taught from a research approach,” Weisskoff said. “The students are required to begin a program that will implement change in any area.”

While most students enrolled in the class are international studies students, Weisskoff encourages students from all disciplines to take the course in the future because it deals so strongly with something that is in their own backyards.

“Imagine going to a university in the Amazon and never actually visiting the rainforest,” he says. “Everyone should have an unforgettable experience, and taking this class should be one of them.”

To promote field trips like the ones taken this semester and to get students acquainted with real world concerns, the new dean of Arts and Sciences, Dr. James Wyche, has allotted a special grant.

Dr. Weisskoff is also currently working on a book on Everglades economics.

For more information contact Dr. Richard Weisskoff at rweisskoff@miami.edu or call 305- 284-6864.

MY PROFESSOR SUCSK.COM

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Ever wished you could grade your professor on how well he teaches?

A new college website, www.MyProfessorSucks.com, lets students from all over the U.S. and Canada evaluate and grade their professors online.

“The site’s purpose has always remained the same: to provide students with a resource to make informed choices about which professors you should avoid and which ones you’d be a fool to miss,” said site founder Kasey Kerber.

Kerber, a graduate student at the University of Nebraska, began the site last year when he took a course with a “terrible professor with an incomprehensible textbook.”

According to Kerber, he wished he would have been warned about the class, so he created MyProfessorSucks.com to prevent others from going through the same experience.

Schools are organized by state and size. There are three categories of sizes: “Big Daddy,” “Medium’s More My Style” and “Hey, Size Doesn’t Matter!” (UM is medium).

Besides teacher evaluations, the site offers a page of humorous posts such as “She, like a shag carpet, should never have left the 70s.”

The site also has an on-staff columnist who writes a humorous Q & A. Example: Q – “I’m in the marching band, am I a total geek?” A – “Since geek implies high intelligence, I’d classify you as a ‘dork.'”

According to the site’s founder, he also posts a more serious column on college life, and students can send humorous e-cards, take a weekly survey and read the “Quote of the Moment,” which at press time was: “If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?”

Once the school has been selected, students can type in the name of the professor for whom they’d like to read evaluations. If the teacher’s name isn’t there, the professor can instantly be graded in terms of “ease of class,” “coolness,” and “worth of class.”

Currently, more than 3,000 colleges and universities are included on the site, and over 200,000 students have visited it.

Despite its negative name, some of the evaluations are good. “The A+ Club” section of the site features all teachers who scored a B+ or better.

“We grade on a curve,” the site claims.

As of press time, five UM professors had been evaluated, two of which received A averages.

But how reliable are the opinions of our peers?

“I take teacher evaluations very seriously,” sophomore Adria Francani said. “It’s important to see what other people thought of [the professors] I’ll be spending a semester with.”

However, many of the evaluations are negative, with no comments provided.

“Students need to vent, and this website is a non-destructive way of venting,” said English professor Gina Maranto, who was given an A on her evaluation. “A lot of professors don’t like being evaluated, but who is our primary target? Our students. So that’s who we should listen to for feedback.”

Some are skeptical of the site.

“If an evaluation is very different than all the others, I read over it carefully, then decide whether it is legit, or just a student venting,” Tim Brent, teaching assistant, said. “Mostly though, I look for repeated comments.”

“I don’t even know if those students took my class or not,” physics professor James Nearing said. Nearing scored poorly on his overall average.

The educator’s page of the website addresses Nearing’s concerns.

“We do not advocate administrative action based on evaluations, nor do we advocate professors to find critical students and challenge them,” the site claims.

All students must agree not to post libelous, defamatory, or profane material on the site.

According to many students, despite the fact that evaluations may be biased and not necessarily helpful, the site is amusing.

According to students and administrators, UM offers student evaluations of professors on the EASY system but does not include student comments or feedback.

Kerber is aiming for the site to be one of the top five most popular sites for college students.

“We can be a great academic resource, entertainment destination and place for financial information,” Kerber said. “Those three things are pretty important to college students: school, fun and money. Dating’s also up there, but hey – we can only do so much.”

Grant gives GRACIAS to education students

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The UM School of Education graduate program, one of the top 50 in the country according to Newsweek, has recently received funding from the U.S. Department of Education to enact Project GRACIAS [Gaining Readiness and Achieving Competency for Instructing All Students], a program that offers 95 percent tuition support for students who enroll in a masters program.

“This program focuses on preparing children for a lifetime of learning and success,” said Ana Pachon-Reboredo, UM School of Education professor and bilingual program coordinator for Miami-Dade County Public schools. “It ensures that children acquire the fundamental skills they need to enter school ready-to-learn, which is Goal 1 of Florida’s State Education Goals.”

Project GRACIAS allows graduate students to receive certification in varying exceptionalities for grades K-12 and endorsements in TESOL [Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages] and pre-kindergarten disabilities.

In Miami-Dade county 58 percent of pre-schoolers with disabilities are Hispanic and speak primarily Spanish. There are currently 157 classrooms for preschoolers with disabilities throughout Miami-Dade County.

According to those involved with the program, out of 145 schools that applied for funding, only 24 were accepted to receive funding.

“We look for students with diverse backgrounds,” Diana Valle-Riestra, Co-Director of Early Childhood Special Education Graduate Program, said. “We look for individuals with experience in teaching and learning, diverse experiences, an interest in working with young Hispanic children and proficiency in Spanish.”

“Students receive tuition support throughout their education assuming that they follow the course sequence laid out for them,” Valle-Riestra said.

Students also receive a book stipend every semester as well as a travel stipend to attend a conference.

The School of Education is trying to inform prospective students and students currently enrolled at UM of the grant.

“We have sent personalized letters to the principals of all public schools in Miami-Dade, Broward and Monroe counties,” Valle-Riestra said.

“For 95 percent of tuition at UM and a guaranteed high-paying professional job when I graduate, I will seriously think of applying for the program,” Lourdes Costanza, an education student at Miami-Dade Community College, said. “I know there is a strong need for specialized educators in this particular field, and I feel as though this tuition incentive will really encourage many people to consider the program.”

Currently there are 10 students receiving tuition support through Project GRACIAS.

Organizers warn that students have a service obligation upon completion of the program.

“For every year of funding” Valle-Riestra said, “you must work two years in special education or a related field.”

Valle-Riestra also said that if someone drops out of the program or fails to complete their service obligation they must repay all of the money they have used.

Many professionals feel the program will be beneficial to the level of education for all students within the U.S.

“Recognizing that all children are capable and competent learners, high-quality early childhood education is important,” Pachon-Reboredo said. “Young children who are literate in English, who have a good vocabulary and who are taught early reading skills before they start school are more likely to become good readers and achieve academic success throughout their school careers.”

Campus Calendar and News Briefs Briefs

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TODAY
Applications are due for Alternative Spring Break. Help with issues such as HIV/AIDS, animal rights, domestic violence and youth issues. For more information call 284-GIVE .

OJU will be selling Jamaican patties from 11 a.m. – 2 p.m. on the UC Breezeway

Happy Hour at the Rathskeller is from 4:30 – 9 p.m.

OCTOBER 26
Today there is a Rally against U.S. War in Iraq for the Day of the National March of Protest in D.C., San Francisco, and other cities around the U.S. The rally is from 2 – 5 p.m. at the Torch of Friendship in Downtown Miami, Biscayne Boulevard and NE 3rd Street. Speakers will include clergy, community leaders and activists opposed to the U.S. War in Iraq. The rally is sponsored by the Concerned People Opposed to War in Iraq and the Miami Coalition Against the War. For e-flyers or info, email oct26rally@yahoo.com or call 305-544-0303.

The Department of Multicultural Student Affairs will offer a free practice test for the MCAT, LSAT, GRE or GMAT. RSVP by calling 800-2Review.

Warm Water is showing at the Cosford Cinema at 5:30 p.m. Japan’s everyman Koji Yakusho stars as Yosuke, a recently laid-off businessman whose personal life is in shambles. Following the advice of a homeless wanderer, he heads to a small fishing town in search of a Golden Buddha Statue but instead finds romance with a mysterious kleptomaniac whose orgasmic “water” has the power to make flowers bloom out of season and to draw fish out of the sea.

OCTOBER 26 – NOVEMBER 2
QuantUM Entertainment will present the Rocky Horror Show at the Hillel Center. Call 786-262-3779 or visit www.gotoquantum.com for ticket information.

OCTOBER 27
Come cook and share with Miami Food Not Bombs today at the Fischl’s Apartment in Pearson Residential College.

OCTOBER 28
Sign-ups will take place this week for the UM Idol competition. Anyone interested in participating must fill out and return a registration form to ‘Cane Records before they will be permitted to sign up for an audition time slot. Time slots will come on a first come, first served basis. You will be asked to show your UM ‘Cane card. Sign up in the UC Breezeway from 11 a.m. – 3 p.m., today through Nov. 1.

Today begins Guns ‘N Violence Awareness Week, sponsored by LINK. For more information call 284-GIVE.

OCTOBER 30
Looking for adventure, international work, travel and a challenge? Come learn about the Peace Corps, in an information session and video presentation, from 12 – 1 p.m. in UC 233. For more information contact Erin Seiler at 305-284-5398.

NOVEMBER 8
Want to work and study at the Cannes International Film Festival or learn the Hollywood terrain one on one? Be part of The American Pavilion/Kodak Student Filmmaker Program or The American Pavilion’s L.A. Intensive Program. For more information please come to the meeting at 11 a.m. in Wolfson Studio 1008A. Representatives from The American Pavilion will be discussing student programs and answering questions. You may also visit the web site at www.ampav.com, then link to Student Program or L.A. Intensive.

NOVEMBER 11
It’s almost time for academic advising for the spring semester. Undergraduates should make appointments to see their faculty advisors Nov. 4 – 15. Even if you use the EASY system, you should consult an academic advisor.
Registration for the spring semester will begin on Nov. 11. Courses for spring 2003 are already listed on the EASY system, so you don’t have to wait for the printed books to come out.

If you are an Honors student planning on a December graduation this year, you are required to complete an Honors credit check between now and Nov. 1, 2002. If you fail to complete this check it may delay your graduating with general honors. Please telephone the Honors Program Office at 305-284-5384 and schedule an appointment to meet with Ms. A. DuPuch.

Rape Aggression Defense (R.A.D.) classes are available from Public Safety. Contact the Crime Prevention Coordinator at 305-284-6666 for more information.

On Oct. 14, 2002, at approximately 7:45 PM, an unknown white male allegedly attacked a female student while she was walking home. The victim claimed she was dragged into bushes and sexually assaulted, yet fought the suspect, who fled the scene. The suspect is described as a heavy-set white male with an unshaven face, tan shorts and white sneakers, with a tribal style tattoo on his right wrist.

The deadline for nominations for the 2003 Excellence in Teaching Awards is Monday, Nov. 25. All full-time faculty members who teach undergraduate or graduate students and have been teaching at UM for at least three years are eligible. There will be seven awards, each consisting of a $4,000 honorarium plus $2,000 for faculty development related to teaching. Nomination letters should be sent to the Teaching Awards Committee, Instructional Advancement Center, 249 Merrick Building. For more information contact the Instructional Advancement Center at 305-284-2008.

For approximately 3 weeks, a portion of Dickinson Drive will be closed from 8 a.m. – 4 p.m., Monday – Friday, for construction work. Police will be routing the traffic through the Wellness Center parking lot. Dickinson Drive will be open as usual during all other hours. If you have any questions, contact Jose H. Becerra at 305-284-6860.

The School of Communication has begun live Webcasts and archiving of previously aired shows from UMTV. You can now catch NewsVision, UMTV This Morning and SportsDesk right from your own desk. All shows are offered in a dual feed; either 56k or 256k bit rates.
Live Webcasts and archived shows can be viewed at http://www.miami.edu/com/umtv/videos.htm.

The Entertainment Coupon Book is now available at the Counseling Center for $25 (plus tax). For purchases and information contact the Counseling Center at 305-284-5511.

Four UM Travel Courses will be offered during Intersession, Spring Break, Summer I and Post-Summer II, open to students of all majors and levels: Puerto Rico, Grand Tour of Europe, Gran Peru Tour (Machu-Picchu!) and London to Paris Tour. Call 305-284-5253 for more information.

There’s more to do than parties & Cancun

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For some students, this year’s spring break means more than just a week lounging at home or on the beach. The participants in the Alternative Spring Break program will be hitting sites throughout the U.S. in hopes of serving others and educating themselves about important social issues.

“This program allows students to travel across the country and work with a specific topic in community service,” said Minal Ahson, Alternative Spring Break publicity chair. “It’s really a week to immerse yourself in service.”

The program will take place during spring break from March 8-16 and includes sites involving domestic violence, HIV and AIDS, animal rights, environmental issues, youth violence and children’s issues.

The actual locations have yet to be disclosed, but cities visited last year included Providence, R.I., Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, PA and Turtle Cove, LA.

Jesse Hanson, a site leader for the upcoming year, got involved two years ago for a change of pace. Hanson worked with youth violence in the 2001 program and was leader of the welfare rights site last year.

“I just wanted to do something more important during break,” Hanson said. “I wanted to get something done instead of just laying on the beach for a week.”

According to program chair Danielle Miller, Alternative Spring Break offers students another option for their week off.

“The goal is to take students on a trip that totally immerses them in a particular topic. Hopefully, it will foster growth in them and make them more active citizens,” she said. “They don’t just work for a week; they really become more educated.”

Miller has participated in the program four times, twice with domestic violence in the National Indian Reserve and twice in Detroit with the issues of youth violence and urban renewal.

“I could give a million and one reasons why this is a great program,” Miller said. “The reason that I love Alternative Break is that it has helped me be a better person and leader. It taught me a lot about my own strengths and weaknesses and helped erase a lot of the stereotypes that I already had.”

“This is definitely an experience that changes your life,” Andrea Sauerteig, a member of the executive board, said.

Applications for the spring 2003 program are available in the Volunteer Service Center in UC 240. They are due today.

Cost for participation is around $250 for the week, which includes the student’s flight to the site, accommodations and food. Volunteers must pay their own way.

For more information about Alternative Spring Break, call the Volunteer Service Center at 305-284-GIVE or visit the program’s website at www.miami.edu/UMAlternativeBreaks/UMAB.htm.

Sniper Found? For some UM students, sniper attacks hit close to home

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Ten innocent people are dead, brutally assassinated by an unseen predator.

Since Oct. 2, residents of Washington, D.C. and surrounding suburban areas have fallen into a steadily increasing panic. Recess is canceled and cars sit in garages. People are afraid to leave their homes. Nearly a thousand miles away at UM, these terrifying events are hitting some students uncomfortably close to home.

Sophomore Stephanie Cochran’s family lives in McLean, VA, and for them, a small change in plans resulted in no less than a miracle.

“The Home Depot shooting was really, really close to my house. My mom was actually supposed to go to that Home Depot, that same night, but for some reason, she didn’t go,” Cochran recalled.

Freshman Josh Frank’s family lives minutes away from the Rockville line. His concerns stemmed from the immediate proximity to his family and friends, explaining that one of the shootings occurred right down the street from a relative’s apartment.

“It’s particularly uncomfortable that every time I turn on the TV I see my town and my police chief talking. . . I don’t expect to see that over a thousand miles away,” Frank said.

Frank remembered the local news reports on the first day of the shootings. “The police chief said our homicide rate for the year just went up 25 percent.”

Senior Courtney Dilallo from Silver Spring, MD explained that, while her parents hadn’t expressed their anxiety to her, she could tell they were still very apprehensive.

“When my dad goes to the gas station, he makes sure there’s something between him and a possible bullet,” she said. “The other day he went to the [military] base for gas because he felt safer there.”

As obscurity surrounds the motives of the sniper, confused students can only speculate about the purpose of these seemingly random attacks.

“He’s crazy, but I think there may be a political reason behind it or I think he would have gone somewhere else,” senior Mary Clark said. “It’s just a few weeks before the election in the most political area in the country.”

“He’s someone’s next-door neighbor,” sophomore Denisa Canales, a native of Rockville, MD said. “I think he woke up one morning and just decided to kill people – this guy definitely thinks he can be in control.”

“I think he’s probably trying to mess with the community as a whole,” freshman Jacob Penniman from McLean, VA said.

Senior Alina Massey from Richmond, VA returned last Sunday from visiting her boyfriend in Fairfax, VA for the weekend.

“We felt like sitting ducks [at the gas station],” Massey said. “I fear that it’s terrorist-related, because if there is an organization behind it, this way makes it easier to get away.”

Part of the shock surrounding these devastating events revolves around the fact that the murders have taken place in such suburban vicinities.

People tend to associate violent crimes with major metropolitan areas, but according to students from the targeted neighborhoods, they don’t fit the profile for crimes of such a massive scale.

“People think of D.C. as a metro area, and it’s not,” Clark explained. “D.C is not like New York or Miami – people are lulled into a false sense of security.”

“For a community like Montgomery County, it’s really strange,” Frank said. “It’s suburbia – you don’t think about things like that happening.”

Many concerns seem to center on the inability of the authorities to locate the sniper.

“I think this whole situation is really terrifying, not that there is a sniper in particular, but that he hasn’t been caught,” said Angela Henry, a student from Essex, MD. “He apparently knows what he’s doing well enough to get away with it 13 times now – that’s pretty scary.”

“What disturbs me most is that they can’t find him, or even narrow it down,” Dilallo said. “I have little faith in the Montgomery Police.”

Despite the anxiety that already surrounds the case, many are worried about the repercussions of future events if police do catch the perpetrator.

“He’s risking his own life to hurt so many others, and it seems like he doesn’t care what it takes,” Angela Henry said. “I think his own passion and the fact he doesn’t care about his life will get him caught in the end.”

“I don’t think he’s going to go peacefully,” Frank said. “If he is doing this for publicity, he’ll probably want to go out in a blaze of glory.”

Many are trying to remain positive.

“Kids from the area are really grouping together here,” Frank said. “Unfortunately, something like this has to happen to bring people together.”

“The chances of actually getting shot are pretty slim, despite the overall number of shootings,” Massey said.

“Most of the people I’ve talked to don’t seem too concerned because it’s such a slight chance,” Penniman said.

“I don’t really know what precautions you can take when you don’t know what to look for,” said Cochran, who will be visiting McLean, VA, during Halloween.

“If they don’t catch this guy, I’m not looking forward to going home,” Canales said.

Guided By Voices empty beer coolers and JD bottles in Fort Lauderdale

As Robert Pollard joyously struggled to stand on his own two feet, he proclaimed, “We are a rock and roll band. We love drinking, smoking, and women.” While the history of rock music is polluted with featherweight bands that have boasted similar contention (often more poetically), very few can or actually want to live the life. Indie rock heroes, Guided by Voices, gave a performance Tuesday night at the Factory in Fort Lauderdale that should have earned them a gold-studded heavyweight belt.

Approximately half an hour after Superdrag finished their 45 minute set, Guided by Voices took the stage accompanied by a two page set list, a blue cooler full of ice and Miller Lite, numerous packs of Camel Lights and three large bottles of Jack Daniel’s. During their performance, barely legal girls approached the side of the stage with six packs of beer for guitarist Nate Farley and bassist Tim Tobias, coveting to get more than a “thank you” smile. In the meantime, frontman Pollard kicked, stumbled, and wildly swung his microphone, while drummer Kevin March and guitarist Doug Gillard adopted a more laid back, focused demeanor.

The assorted crowd (nearly full capacity) seemed to enjoy each inebriated minute of their distinctively epic two hour and 40 minute set. Except for a short intermission and a couple of witty remarks made by Pollard, Guided by Voices played one song after the next, from their numerous EPs and LPs, with consistently remarkable fervor. By the time they left the stage, the cigarette packs, the Jack Daniel’s bottles and the blue cooler were empty.

For more info visit www.guidedbyvoices.com.

Diana Pastrana can be reached at godess_diana@hotmail.com.

film review: The Ring ***

Before reading this review, you should know that I’m on about the same level as four year-old girls when it comes to watching scary movies. I can sit through monsters attacking and serial killers and other concept horror films, but throw down a cheesy flick where bad guys jump out from behind walls with chainsaws revving, and I’m hiding under my seat like a Yankees fan in Anaheim. Films like The Others and Final Destination are my biggest cinematic fears, with Barbra Streisand movies coming in a close second.

So off I went to see the newest in a slur of recent horror flicks, entitled The Ring. The film is about people who, after seeing a rare video, get a phone call telling them that they will die in seven days. And of course, they do.

FearDotCom, a hokey box office flop that got squished out of the studio machine in September, had the same plot, but with a website in place of a video. I somehow got tricked into seeing it, and of course, hated it. So my expectations for The Ring were not of the highest caliber, despite some interesting trailers and advertisements.

I went into the theater expecting another FearDotCom, but I ended up scared out of my mind half way through the film. I was afraid to scratch my face, for fear that I would jump and gouge out my eyeball during a sudden scary moment. The movie’s concept is kind of corny, and the acting is nothing special, but it’s executed well by director Gore Verbinski (Mouse Hunt, strangely enough), making you forget about the excess mediocrity.

Naomi Watts (Mulholland Dr.) stars as Rachel, an investigative journalist who becomes enwrapped in the mystery of the tape, and in the process, watches it herself. She then has to figure out the way the tape works in an effort to not only get her story, but to save her own life.

The lone bright spot of acting in the film is by David Dorfman, who plays her eerie son, Aidan. Dorfman’s character is reminiscent of Haley Joel Osment’s in The Sixth Sense, although his acting falls just short of Osment’s of gloom and doom.

The Ring could have been the horror movie of the year given better preparation. Verbinski, despite having never delved into the horror genre before, is the perfect director. His scary moments are terrifying, and his comedic ones, funny. His camerawork, special effects, lighting and choice of music are all top notch. Unfortunately, he’s hampered by weak acting and a plot with more holes than a brick of Swiss cheese and not nearly the entertainment value.

The movie plays like a desperate attempt by Verbinski to rescue the other parts of the film. The Ring, like many other horror films before it, makes the mistake of having horribly unlikable and stupid characters. Of course, the kid knows everything, and the rest of the characters could just turn to him from the beginning. Of course, the injured woman will wander into the dark house alone. Of course, stupid teenagers will watch the video that’s supposed to kill them.

The reason why some horror movies, like The Sixth Sense, can be so successful is because their characters are more fleshed out. Being able to write smart characters that make the same decisions the viewers would make is the key to a successful horror flick. Some other familiar clich

nutrition

Product: Pepsi Blue

Ingredients: Pepsi, a mixture of fresh berries fused together by the righteous power of intergalactic hyper-metabolites that produces an out of this world, out-of-crotch experience.

Release Date: Currently available in liter size volumes through selected fine retailers. (FYI: Preorder Pepsi Blue Cube now to avoid disappointment, available Christmas 2002)

Target Audience: Small boys grades 1-3, video gamers; single bi-curious male, age 46, seeking alternative pleasure from other SWMs; 6’2″, 220lbs, hairless mammal, never married, with ranch & horses.

MSRP: $1

Rating: 6 out of 10 boners* Milder then a Circle K suicide, more hue then Crystal Clear Pepsi, but not enough of the Tahitian Treat charm to pull it off.

Dan The Dungeon Dweller’s top-secret tip – shhhh, it’s a secret!
1.Mix Berry Kool-Aid powder, sugar and sparkling water in pitcher. Optional: whisk in coffee and OxiClean for caffeine and “flavoring.”
2. Serve in old Pepsi Blue Bottles to your friends.
3. Makes a cheap alternative to Pepsi Blue
4. Bask in the glory of your peers’ endless praise.

*The more boners the better, who wants a softie? The Boner Scale is exclusively copyrighted to The Cabin and its amenities, no biting, literally.

D. Ruth can be reached (only by e-mail) at druth@chorus.net.

These pebbles and intricate ribbon concepts may suck you in like a whirlpool of lines and color

The Miami Design District has been bustling with activity lately with many art openings. Of the new exhibits is De’ja View by Warren Isensee and Coverlets & Carvings by Alex Blau at Kevin Bruk-two abstract artists with two distinct styles.

Both the shows are small in number, but quite poignant in display. On three bare white walls, Alex Blau’s perfectly square 13″ by 13″ paintings are evenly distributed. At first, they resemble a bunch of fancy seat cushions up on a wall. She uses a very interesting, precise technique involving layers of clear acrylic over alternate coatings of airbrushed acrylic on canvas. The design in each of the nine pieces is linear with vivid bright colors in intricate patterns of geometric shapes. The different strata give depth to the images and make them appear 3-D like those mystifying Magic Eye illustrations. Although the pieces are clearly related, they each have their own unique characteristics of design and color.

“Star Chips” is a painting reminiscent of a video game: a bright green background is the canvas for a intensely pixilated argyle design that sucks you in like a supernatural mission on Zelda. Another piece by Blau is “Vanilla Sandwich.” It has a lot of depth with crisscrossing red x’s that almost look like ribbons and white horizontal bars that create alternating columns across the x’s.

In the subsequent room, Warren Isensee’s seven paintings use a pebble motif, enthralling the viewer with bright, bold colors in faultless forms and circles. The pieces are massive in size and engulf the onlooker into a colorful, vibrant daze. With the exception of one painting and unlike Blau’s linear design, Isensee uses an idiosyncratic circular motif.

“Upsy-Daisy” is a huge painting marking in at 50″ by 60″. The piece has various dyed pebble shaped spots with a plethora of colors behind them, all depicted in a very clean-cut matter. There is no shading or textures, but rather a variety of hues painted in immaculate nugget shapes. Despite this lack of umbra and nuance in each color, the overall framework still isn’t flat and is highly stirring to the eye.

“Finest Aura” (82″ x 82″) may be the highlight of both shows. The circular pattern of pebbles draws to the middle like a vortex of warm colors. It appears as if you can dive into the image and swivel into the maelstrom, drowning yourself in the lines and colors. The hues are mostly warm, and though the image does not exude a balmy, fuzzy feeling, it isn’t a cold painting either.

De’ Ja View and Coverlets and Cravings run through Nov. 28 at the Kevin Bruk Gallery, 3900 B NE First Ave., Miami. Call 305-576-2000 for more info.

Kira Wisniewski can be reached at kira@punks.net

film review: Below ***

After seeing Below, you’ll never want to be on a haunted submarine during World War II again. Below is a dark and dramatic ghost tale set on a submarine, and despite its seemingly aberrant plot, the film’s characters are easy to relate to. Although the film is set in a time and place where no college student has ever been (at least sober), the movie drags its viewers through the screen and into a spooky world aboard the USS Tiger Shark.

We learn that the sub has faced rough times from the start of its voyage. Its captain was lost in a freak accident, or so the crew is told, and the men aboard have weathered a string of mechanical failures. Then, they stop to pick up three survivors from a downed hospital boat, and this is where the ghost story begins to unravel.

Director David Twohy, who also co-wrote the screenplay, follows his other impressive sci-fi sleepers, The Arrival and Pitch Black, with this cool and entertaining film. Twohy’s techniques in lighting and camera movements are top notch, and the music is exciting and scary.

The majority of the film is spent guiding the audience through a strange mix of movie genres. Everyone has seen submersible action flicks like Crimson Tide and Run Silent Run Deep. Likewise, everyone has seen those modern horror movies where good guys turn around and see bad guys, who always seem to attack on cue with sharp musical notes. Then, of course, there is the social aspect, where tough guys crammed in tight quarters have to deal with a lone female occupant, one of the rescued survivors.

Twohy balances these genres with ease, quickly alternating from one to the other, and intertwining them in moments of cinematic brilliance. Along with these moments, however, come a few dead ends.

In the beginning, the men seem ready to jump all over the woman, but never do. A senior officer on the sub, played by Matt Davis (Legally Blonde), seems to be the woman’s only friend, but nothing develops between them. There is also a scene where the girl looks to be pining for the ship’s captain, but this goes nowhere. Even the ending of the film is left way too open to satisfy audiences.

Darren Aronofsky, who gained critical acclaim and cult status for his low budget dramas Pi and Requiem for a Dream, co-wrote the script for Below, and was planning to direct before he chose Requiem instead. Aronofsky would have given the film a much more dramatic feel, developing its characters further and focusing more on their struggle. Twohy creates a more kinetic film, with guys running around and shouting, and scary things popping out from all directions.

That is not to say he fails with character development. By the end, the personalities of the few, lucky remaining characters possess their own shape and feel, a difficult task when each appears to be a stereotypical grungy sailor. Still, Twohy’s focus/goal is on scaring and exciting people, and he succeeds with ease.

Shawn Wines can be reached at shawnwines@aol.com.