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Gold Chains and Young Miss America redefine white rap

Snow, El-P, Haystak, Eminem, 3rd Bass, White Dawg, Bubba Sparxxx, Kid Rock, Rehab, House of Pain, Dirty White, Northen State, Remedy, White Russian, the Beasties, Fred Durst, Sage Francis, MC Paul Barman and, yes Robert Van Winkle.

In America, white rappers make for a motley crew of hazardous rednecks, label experiments, tortured cynics and talented artists. A select few come correct, while the rejects stand conflicted in their showers, desperately looking for bars that aren’t there.

There’s also a breed of white MC, namely Gold Chains, Cex and the Streets, who walk through the lobby of hip hop with super size boomboxes, their images liberated of cultural baggage, freely blasting house, IDM, punk and garage without a care for tradition. All three, the former two from the states, the latter from Britain, are bigger in Europe and more likely to find print in XLR8R than XXL. At clubs, they tend to induce as much head nodding and ass shaking as arm folding. They’re relevant and worth hearing for that reason.

Gold Chains is Topher LaFata, a computer programmer with a degree in cognitive neuroscience claiming San Francisco. Over the past two years, he’s toured the globe and unleashed a Casanova flow of glass shards across two EPs of Kid 606-like glitch. Nerder than N*E*R*D, Chains’ zero-and-one anthems like “Mountains of Coke” and “Rock the Parti” are equally at home on the ones-and-twos.

His just-released LP, Young Miss America, is scattered all over the place like SARS, sure to cause a rawkus with Japanese kittens. Adios tech-tonic rawness, hello American social diary read aloud in a carnival of Kit Clayton beat lunacy. Imagine A.R.E. Weapons with love in place of violence where the message is “it’s nice to live your life like every fucking night’s the weekend.” Rap has hitchhiked a long way from the Bronx.

This is a Life & Art interview with Gold Chains.

Q: When are you going to play a date in Miami and show up our Gucci world?
GC: Hopefully, I’ll be able to get down there on the tour for this record. I still want to play some big, cheesy house club. I’m all about palm trees, and blow and Puerto Ricans and Cubans and shit.

Q: A lot of listeners interpreted your prior work as mocking rap excess, but this album offers less irony and more social commentary. For the record, where are you coming from artistically?
GC: In terms of people comparing me to rappers, it’s a lack of understanding about where I’m coming from. Most of the hip hop kids doing the talking don’t listen to techno, or psyche records, garage, punk records. I never say anything that ain’t true. I ain’t frontin’ or trying to be something I’m not. I don’t give a fuck if some kid’s like, “I’m a real MC and he’s not.” My shit is super progressive and most dudes are stuck in some retro sound.

Q: When did you get interested in sound systems and ghetto blasters, and what are the choicest ones you’ve played and owned?
GC: Well, I think my interest in sound systems originated from rave-styles back in the early ’90s – it sounded great to hear club music being bumped outta big PAs. There are so many obscene sound systems, like at Trash at The End in London. I have a boombox that I found in a flea market – it’s the sickest one I’ve ever seen.

Q: You went to college in Connecticut. When you entered the so-called real world, did your perception of the job market change and what took you off guard?
GC: I got outta college and I washed dishes for, like, 6 months, while I taught myself how to program computers. It was like, “how the fuck am I going to make money,” and I just stepped up to the plate. If you’re going to survive in America you have to hustle and work your ass off. I knew that from the start. In my case, I programmed computers and I bought shit loads of gear.

Q: On Young Miss America, many of the lyrics concern capitalism and economic pressures on society. Do you consider these topics to be the album’s main theme?
GC: A lot of the lyrical content is more of an observation than a judgment. I’m not out to judge anyone. It’s more like, “this is how things are and do they really have to be like this?” With the title of the album, Young Miss America, it’s named after a girl I knew, Amy, YMA backwards. She came to represent a lot of themes on the record as far as American society in general, this wayward teenage girl who’s beautiful in some respects, but also an ugly amplifier of our culture, how it’s centered around success.

Q: Has your voice always been so “gravel-y,” and do you prefer recording it in the morning or on the late night?
GC: Yeah, it has. It’s better when I get to rest it for a while. I just found out that I have a node on my vocal cord, but it’s not a big deal, I’m going to get it cut out. Maybe I’ll sound like (feminine voice) Michael Jackson.

Q: You’re starting a label through Kid 606 and Cex’s label, Tigerbeat6, called Gold Club. How will it be different from that label and what are some of your upcoming releases?
GC: I don’t know how much real club music Tigerbeat puts out, you know? Gold Club will be more like straight-up club jams, some vocal house stuff, big club beat rap tracks, so we’ll see how it all turns up. I just did a remix for Dismemberment Plan, and I think that’ll be one of the first things I’ll put out. That’s going to be totally for the clubs. I’ve talked to Peaches about doing some stuff too.

Q: Based on the name, would you ever consider opening a strip club named after the Gold Club label?
GC: There’s actually a Gold Club in San Francisco. I’ve been there once or twice, but there’s too many chumps.

For more info visit www.gold-chains-worldwide.com and www.pias.com.

Hunter Stephenson can be reached at HurricaneAccent@hotmail.com.

Golub’s steady play catalyst for success

There was a lot of uncertainty heading into the season for the Hurricanes men’s tennis team. A new coach and only two returning starters highlighted overshadowed the potential talent of the Miami players. However, one of those starters has offered the ‘Canes consistent results.
Andrew Golub, who has represented Miami in No. 2 singles and doubles for most of the season, helped solidify Miami as the team to beat in the upcoming Big East tournament. Golub has won several crucial matches down the stretch to give Miami a No. 25 ranking and a comfortable cushion in the conference standings.
In his prep career, Golub ranked as high as No.19 in the nation and received numerous accolades both in the state and national level. Among those accolades was a second place finish in the state championships and an eighth-place finish in the National Clay Courts Championships.
Now in his senior year, Gloub has continued to flourish each time he steps on the court. Earlier this season, Golub upset Toni Gordon of Texas Christian University in dramatic fashion to give the Hurricanes an unexpected victory. That win came on the heels of another upset over a ranked opponent, when Golub beat No.84 Sander Koning of Clemson University.
“[The win was] unbelievable for my confidence, but more so for my team, said Golub after the TCU match. “It’s my senior year and I am more concerned for my team.”
Golub’s head coach, Bryan Getz, points to the senior’s biggest improvement coming in doubles play. Golub used that improvement to his advantage March 2, when he teamed up with Colin Purcell to upset the nation’s No. 2 doubles tandem of Amer Delic and Michael Calkins from the University of Illinois.
“This year, he has done an unbelievable job at the No.2 spot,” Getz said. “His singles game has improved but I think his doubles game is what has improved the most. Moreover, he has done an amazing job as the team captain and providing leadership for the young guys on the team.”
To achieve these successes, Golub has been forced to overcome just as many hurdles. Golub transferred to Miami for his junior year after playing at Arizona State University the first two years of his collegiate career. Later that spring, Golub suffered a wrist injury during a match and struggled with the effects of his injury. However, as evident in his play this year, Golub took these obstacles in stride and managed to remain focused on improving his tennis game.
“I injured my wrist while hitting a volley against Notre Dame,” Golub said. “I then lost eight matches after the injury but recovered to win seven matches in a row.”
Tennis seems to be a ubiquitous sport in the Golub household as Andrew also has an older brother who played tennis for Florida State University. However, Golub says he does like to spend time away from the sport, exchanging his tennis racket for a putter.
In the meantime, the putter will have to stay in the golf bag, because Golub is focused on inflicting more damage with his tennis racket.

Sandeep Konka can be reached at skonka33143@hotmail.com.

Sports Briefs

Women’s golf
For the 19th consecutive year, and the 20th in the 33-year history of the tournament, the University of Miami will host the Ryder/Florida Women’s Collegiate Golf Championship, April 4-6, at Don Shula’s Golf Club and Resort in Miami Lakes, FL.
Competition will begin at 7:30 a.m. on Friday and Saturday with Sunday’s final round beginning at 8:00 a.m. Admission is free.
The tournament features the best women’s collegiate golf in Florida, as 14 schools from the state come together for three rounds to determine the state champion.
This season’s championship will feature four teams ranked among the top-86 teams in the nation including defending champion and No. 21 ranked Florida State, 25th-ranked South Florida, No. 73 Miami and No. 86 Florida Atlantic. Rounding out the field are Barry, Bethune-Cookman, Florida International, Florida Southern, Jacksonville, Lynn, Nova Southeastern, Rollins, Stetson and UCF.
Miami, which has won the state title eight times, has been led this season by the duo of junior Camilla Hilland and sophomore Tina Miller.
Hilland, the defending individual champion, has finished in the top-20 in five of six starts this year including a victory at the John Kirk/Lady Panther Invitational during the fall season. She currently ranks 77th in the nation by Golfweek and has a team-best 74.6 stokes per round average.
Miller recorded her first career victory at the UCF Kat Invitational earlier this spring. She has five top-20 finishes this season and ranks second on the team with a 75.5 stoke average.
Other top individuals competing this weekend at the par-72, 6,317-yard course will be last season’s runner-up and 28th-ranked Kristin Tamulis of Florida State and 83rd-ranked Fany Schaeffer from South Florida.

Swimming and Diving
University of Miami diver Miguel Velazquez finished competing in the NCAA Championships Saturday night in Austin, Texas and left with All-American honors for the second year in a row.
The final event for the Gulliver Prep product was the men’s platform dive, in which he finished 10th overall with a score of 434.35.
Velazquez placed fourth-place Friday night in the men’s three-meter dive with a score of 624.95 to earn All-American designation.
“I was pleased particularly in the three-meter where he had his best performance,” coach Randy Ableman said. “He’s getting better and we’re making big plans for next year.”
Thursday, the Miami sophomore finished 17th overall with a score of 283.25 in the one-meter dive.

Local product continues winning ways

It turns out that the University of Miami had a star born right into its family and didn’t even know about it.
Freshman Melissa Applebaum, who grew up in Coral Gables, has been an instrumental part of the UM women’s tennis team, who currently hold a No. 19 ranking with a record of 13-4. Applebaum has enjoyed Miami’s success, but says the team has bigger goals in mind.
“One of our goals for the rest of the year is to finish strong,” Applebaum said. “Hopefully we will be able to host the NCAA regionals.”
The ‘Canes come off of a weekend in which they faced three schools from the state of Virginia. Miami dropped the first match of the weekend to Virginia Commonwealth, but bounced back to take the next two matches over Richmond and Virginia Tech.
“The trip to Virginia was good and we played tough all weekend even during the loss to VCU,” Applebaum said. “The win against Richmond really gave us confidence to go up against Virginia Tech and from there we steamrolled.”
Applebaum has experienced a winning touch dating back to when she was seven, the age when she first picked up a tennis racket. In high school at Gulliver Prep, Applebaum was the No. 1 ranked high school player in Florida. She also beat a ranked pro at the NASDAQ 100 tournament.
The freshman doesn’t list either one of those feats at the top of her list, however.
“I think the greatest moment so far in my career was when I won the doubles championship at the Easter Bowl last year,” Applebaum said. “I really got to make a name for myself.”
Applebaum, who has been ranked as high as No. 11 in the nation, chose Miami due to a couple of important factors.
“At first I wanted to go away, but when I began traveling and looking at schools, I realized I didn’t want to be in the cold weather,” Applebaum said. “I decided on Miami because of the weather, because I am close to my parents, and also because Paige [Yaroshuk] was the right coach for me.”
Applebaum was offered full rides from a variety of schools all across the country. Georgia, USC, UCLA, Duke, Tennessee, and Vanderbilt are just a few that were after her.
Nearing the completion of her first year on the college level, She says she will never forget her high school tennis days being at the very top in the state of Florida.
“Being No. 1 was a great experience because the team was behind me out there everyday,” Applebaum said.
Applebaum’s favorite player of all time is a household name and one that is a favorite among many tennis fans.
“I love Steffi Graf,” Applebaum said. “I mean who wouldn’t like her with that forehand of hers!”
Applebaum, who is leaning towards a major in communications, hopes to one-day walk in Steffi’s shoes, but after she attains her degree.
“My college education is very important to me,” Applebaum said. “Hopefully one day down the road I will be able to go pro.”
The Hurricanes return to Virginia this weekend to face Old Dominion University. Like most weeks, Applebaum has a strong opponent awaiting her.
“ODU is a team with a strong No.1, so it will be a test for me,” Applebaum said. “But I think the team is ready and we feel strong about the match.”

Doug Kroll can be reached at Dstorm13@aol.com.

Gearing up for a public appearance

University of Miami coaches knew something had to change after the offensive line gave up eight sacks in a 58-play scrimmage Saturday.
Monday’s practice resulted in the coaches tinkering with the starting lineup to see if they could improve the struggling unit that lost center Brett Romberg and guard Sherko Haji-Rasouli to graduation.
“We’re definitely a work in progress on the offensive line,” head coach Larry Coker said.
Coaches promoted sophomore Eric Winston, who switched to the line from tight end prior to spring practice, to the starting left tackle position Monday.
Carlos Joseph, the starter last season at left tackle, moved to right tackle. Joseph struggled at times last season and the coaches hope Winston will emerge as a force on the left side of the line.
“[Winston] is going to be a fantastic player,” offensive line coach Art Kehoe said. “He’s got work ethic, toughness, size, and intelligence. He’s got the whole package.”
Joel Rodriguez, who has worked as the first team center during spring practice, moved to left guard on the second team, while right guard Chris Myers took over Rodriguez’s snapping duties on the first team. Vernon Carey moved from right tackle to right guard and Joe McGrath remained at left guard.
“I think Joel is more than capable of being the starting center,” Myers said. “I’m just going in and working as his backup right now.”
Kehoe also emphasized that Rodriguez wasn’t being punished.
“It’s not a demotion,” Kehoe said. “We want to make sure we’ve got the best five and make sure that we’re versatile.”
Kehoe emphasized that Carey, Joseph, McGrath, Myers, Rodriguez, and Winston are
the top six offensive linemen. Figuring out who starts and at what positions, however, could pose a problem.
“We’re just going to keep moving guys around until we find the right deal,” Kehoe said. “We’re seeing where they fit in, in case guys get injured, we can see if they can play other positions.”
Coker said that the coaches would like to keep this line-up in place through Saturday’s spring game at the Orange Bowl.

OTHER NEWS
Coaches guarded tailback Frank Gore in practice Monday because he has a bruised shoulder. They hope Gore, who missed all of last season with a torn ACL, will return to practice later in the week… Wide receiver Akieem Jolla practiced in full pads for the first time this spring. He said his groin injury has healed about 70 percent of the way… Redshirt freshman Brandon Meriweather suffered a high ankle sprain in Saturday’s scrimmage and will stay sidelined the rest of the spring.
The Hurricanes annual Spring Game takes place at the Orange Bowl on Saturday at
10 a.m. The game is open and free to the public.

Nate Johnson can be reached at NPJ44@aol.com.

Miami unable to capitalize in extra inning loss

After the Miami Hurricanes baseball team wiped Georgia Tech out of the top ten last weekend, defeating FAU seemed like a less formidable task. However, the Owls, who entered the contest with a 27-7 record, had other ideas.
The No. 17 Owls, who once held the NCAA record with 34 consecutive victories, showed up with their game faces on and handed the Hurricanes their fifth loss of the season in a 5-3, 13-inning affair in front of 1,647 fans at Mark Light Stadium on Wednesday night.
FAU scored two runs in the top of the 13th to seal the victory for the Owls and end Miami’s eight-game winning streak.
“We missed a lot of opportunities,” UM head coach Jim Morris said. “We have been winning these types of games all along and this one got away from us.”
Miami came out completely flat after last weekend’s sweep on both sides of the ball. Starting pitcher Ryan Dixon pitched effectively but FAU capitalized on a Hurricanes error to take a 1-0 lead in the top of the second. Then, the Owls followed with a two run blast in the third to take a 3-0 lead.
“FAU came out and played great tonight,” Morris said.
FAU starter Danny Core would get a no decision in the game. Core had an impressive 5-1 record coming into the game with a 1.31 ERA.
Miami could not do anything with Core until the Hurricane offense woke up in the bottom of the fifth. That was when Miami shortstop Paco Figueroa drove in two runs with a double down the left field line.
In the Hurricane seventh, catcher Erick San Pedro walked with two outs and second baseman Adam Ricks moved him over to third with a single to center field before Core got out of the inning by striking out Paco Figueroa, protecting the Owls 3-2 lead.
The ‘Canes came up strong in the eighth inning when designated hitter Ryan Braun, named the NCBWA’s Hitter of the Week Tuesday, once again connected late in the game with a double to drive in Richard Giannotti.
Miami also blew another opportunity in the bottom of the ninth. With men at the corners and no outs, the ‘Canes were unable to score, sending the contest into extra innings.
“We had an opportunity to win the game with guys on first and third in the ninth,” Morris said. “We have to put the game away right there.”
This weekend UM will face a tough Oral Roberts Baseball squad at Mark Light Field. The series begins tonight at 7pm followed by a 5pm contest tomorrow. This is a change from the originally scheduled 7pm start. The teams will conclude the series on Sunday afternoon at 1pm and all games will be played at Mark Light Stadium.
“We are going to look past this game,” Morris concluded. “We’ve got to move on.”
Ryan Ellis can be reached at msgnyc@yahoo.com

Baseball earns respect in the eyes of pollsters

The Miami Hurricanes took advantage of the chance to improve their position in the national rankings and earn respect from their critics this past weekend. But the challenges are far from over for head coach Jim Morris’s club.
The Hurricanes host a dangerous Oral Roberts squad this weekend at Mark Light Field. This series comes one week after a sweep over No. 2 Georgia Tech that vaulted the Hurricanes into the top 10 in both national polls. Miami, who has won eight games in a row, carries a No. 7 ranking in Collegiate Baseball and are No. 9 in Baseball America.
Unranked in the preseason by Baseball America, the Hurricanes were looking for recognition after beating one of the premier programs in the country. Despite moving up six spots in both polls, Morris wants a permanent spot in the top eight by the end of the season, which would guarantee the ‘Canes the right to host an NCAA Regional next month.
“I think this weekend showed the voters that we are a legitimate team,” Morris said. “We aren’t where we want to be though, and we have half the season to get into the top eight.”
The Hurricanes have been led by a variety of unexpected players so far, including freshman Ryan Braun. Braun was named National Hitter of the Week after going 9 for 19 (.474), hitting two home runs and driving in 12 runs from March 24-30.
Braun leads the team with a .390 batting average, nine home runs and 34 RBI. To most of the Miami fan base, Braun has come out of nowhere, but Morris learned what he had in Braun this past winter.
“We always considered Ryan an outstanding prospect but he struggled during the fall,” Morris said. “It wasn’t until winter ball that everything began to click for him. Now he’s getting some national attention.”
But Braun refuses to take all of the credit for the Hitter of the Week honor.
“Obviously it is a tremendous honor and I am grateful for it,” Braun said. “I look at it as a tribute to the team though. Without guys getting on base for me I wouldn’t be able to drive in so many runs.”
Braun feels that the criticism the ‘Canes received during the preseason about their youth and inexperience has motivated the team to prove all of the doubters wrong.
“Having people say that we’re too young was definitely motivating for us,” Braun said. “What people don’t realize about us is that we work hard on and off the field. Some teams have talent but they don’t put in the time that it takes to win.”
This weekend the ‘Canes will try to keep Oral Roberts from knocking them out of the top 10. The Golden Eagles are led by freshman pitcher Taylor McIntyre, who was named Mid-Continent Pitcher of the Week last week. He leads the conference in earned run average (0.70) and has won his last two starts.
On the offensive side junior outfielder MattVanDerBosch, who was named Player of the Week in the conference, paces the Golden Eagles.
With all of the attention the Hurricanes have been receiving, the strong possibility remains that Miami could become complacent with their current position and slack off a bit. But Morris says he’s taking precautions to ensure that won’t happen.
“I keep talking to them and reminding them how long the season is,” Morris said. “I have to rely on the older players like Jim Burt and J.D. Cockroft to provide leadership to the younger players who haven’t been here before.”
The only area of concern for the ‘Canes thus far has been the pitching staff. Brandon Camardese was roughed up in an inning of work on Sunday and as a whole, Miami pitchers struggled against the big bats of Georgia Tech.
But Morris says he is satisfied with the way the pitchers have been performing throughout the season, and is confident that Camardese can bounce back.
“Brandon didn’t get to pitch the previous two Sundays because of rainouts so he may have been a little rusty,” Morris said. “He should be able to pitch well this Sunday though. There are certain areas where pitchers could improve but I am pleased with their overall effort.”
With a busy week looming ahead for the Hurricanes and an Oral Roberts team that is hoping to catch the ‘Canes by surprise, Morris has kept his players focused on the task at hand.
“We have a simple goal for this week and that is to win every game,” Morris said. “If we play well then that won’t be a problem.”

Eric Kalis can be reached at elk777bc@hotmail.com.

The bitter ramblings of an anti-American traitor

Last week, Columbia University assistant professor Dr. Nicholas De Genova, one of several speakers at an anti-war “teach-in” stated that, “the only true heroes are those that find ways that help defeat the US military.” This being bad enough, he went on to say that he hoped to see a “million Mogadishus” – a reference to the deadly 1993 firefight in the capitol of Somalia that cost the lives of 19 American soldiers as well as nearly 3000 Somalis. Now, it is one thing to be against this war as many Americans are. It is something completely different to advocate the death and mutilation of US soldiers. Even other professors who were involved with the event were appalled by his comments. Columbia History professor Dr. Eric Foner, one of the event’s organizers stated shortly after the event, “If I had known what he was going to say, I would have been reluctant to have him speak.” Foner later even went so far as to call De Genova’s comments, “idiotic.”
I think “idiotic” is too mild; I think that it should be stated here that Dr. De Genova is an anti-American traitor, in my humble opinion, anyway. While I think expressing disagreement with our being at war is perfectly acceptable for whatever one’s reason is, expressing your desire to see US forces defeated and mutilated by a regime as brutal and tyrannical as Saddam’s, is not the expression of one who is a loyal American. They are the expressions of one who is against not only the policy, but against the nation itself. They are in fact the thoughts of one who is giving moral support to Saddam Hussein. To Slobodan Milosevic. To Mohammed Farah Adid. To everyone we have ever fought against.
Of course, I don’t expect those that believe that their pursuit of being an intellectual outweighs practical reality to agree with me. They probably think his comments were valid. For his part, De Genova claims his comments were taken out of context with no consideration “of the perspective that framed the remark.” Perhaps the distinguished doctor should have articulated his meaning more clearly. I won’t make that mistake here. Dr. De Genova, you are a traitor. If the bitter taste of that is unpalatable to you, I am truly sorry-you should have thought about that before you opened your mouth.

Scott Wacholtz is a senior majoring in political science. He can be reached at aramis1642@hotmail.com.

From the people who bring you Osama Bin Laden . . .

The controversial Qatari satellite-TV network Al Jazeera has announced plans to bring its news program to the West in English beginning next year. The broadcaster believes there to be a market in the West, sighting that 40% of its viewers come from North America and Europe. Will Americans really want Arab news even if it is in English?
Broadcasting Arab news with an Arabic slant in America, especially during this sensitive time after September 11th, is a ballsy move. The American media has vilified the Al Jazeera network for its decidedly anti-American and unvarnished coverage of events such as the conflict in Afghanistan, and the war in Iraq. More seriously, for airing taped messages from Al Qaeda, the broadcaster has been likened to a soapbox for terrorists to stand on and let free to spew their venom at a captive worldwide audience.
Last month Al Jazeera posted a new website in English that aimed to supplement their very popular news website and cater to what they saw as a growing interest from Western web surfers. However, shortly after the launch, a few, shall we say, overtly pro-war hackers staged multi-pronged attacks on both sites. As a result, both websites have only been able to have intermittent service due to the continuous barrage of service attacks.
Additionally, as recently as last week, officials at the New York Stock Exchange banned two Al Jazeera reporters from reporting on the exchange floor.
Despite opposition, however, Al Jazeera has been doing well. According to the popular British newspaper The Guardian, since Operation Iraqi Freedom began, four million new European subscribers signed on to the broadcaster’s service. That brings the total European subscription to eight million viewers. Even the French TV station Canal Plus cut a deal with Al Jazeera to broadcast the Arab channel’s footage. Al Jazeera media consultants said that there could be a European subscription market as large 35 million people.
But before we blame the Europeans for viewing a station with an extreme Arab posture, we have to consider that much of the war footage that we see here in America, of bombing campaigns and troop movements, are supplied by Al Jazeera and sold to “patriotic networks” such as Fox News and MSNBC. It serves to highlight the hypocrisy of Fox News when it openly questions Al Jazeera reporting but is only too happy to show viewers Al Jazeera footage.
Are American viewers ready for Arab news in English? A similar question could be posed to viewers in the Middle East. CNN and the U.S. State Department are going to begin broadcasting American news in Arabic to Arab audiences. They may just prove more receptive than we.

Gunnar Heinrich is a visiting 3rd year Politics & International Relations major from the University of Aberdeen, King’s College in Scotland. He can be contacted at gunnarheinrich@hotmail.com.

Just bluffing until someone else plays our hand

Sitting down to a drunken game of Poker, I see George Bush shifting and shuffling through his cards. He doesn’t have much of a Poker face and looks more constipated than concerned. Slouched precariously close to Bush is Saddam Hussein (or perhaps he has hired a card shark to play this hand as he stockpiles food in one of his bunkers). Bin Laden has made a rare and equally uninteresting appearance, looking feebly at his cards, mumbling something to “Allah” and offering money to anyone he can find to blow us all up so that he can win and take all the chips. Kim Jong-Il marches in late and angry and tries to short-change the ante-boy oh boy does he have a poker face.
Then I see you; frightened, but trying to keep that political poker face, groomed and (nearly) perfected through several years of “higher” education. The game is five-card draw, deuces wild; Bin shuffled the deck, Kim and Saddam argued briefly about who would cut and George dealt them out in the interest of time. Now all you and I can do is wait for them to play their hands.
George is shaking his foot again-doesn’t exactly instill great hope in me, however, he comes from a long line of card sharks so maybe he’ll surprise us. He discards a four and takes a card from the pile of uncertainty. Saddam looks at his hand, inhaling slowly, his face drawn submissively to the ages come and gone since our last game; a game he ungraciously lost.
He hesitates and I quickly glance again around the room. I’m sure Bin’s got an ace or two up his sleeve and though Kim is quiet for the moment, I wouldn’t underestimate him either.
And then there’s you and I, and we don’t really know how to play this game because this time the stakes are different and the chips leave stains of blood on the table-the blood of real men who are losing this game regardless of which one of us goes home with the loot. We can bicker with each other, you to the left, me to the right or you’re right and I’m wrong, but when will we realize the frivolity in arguing our own personal ideas and opinions?
Blood spattered sand embraces the wind in the Middle East as we sit here with our petty-antes and count our cards thinking we’re actually playing this game. The bottom line is that it doesn’t matter who you or I think it going to win or how, why, or when because what will happen will happen, ultimately, with someone else playing our hand. Then again, who told us this was poker in the first place? It’s nearly too late by the time we realize we’re playing Russian roulette.

Whitney W. Friedrich can be contacted at Witz615@aol.com.

Letter to the Editor

Letter to the Editor:

How could anyone be as blatantly ignorant about condoms, birth control, sex, as Seth Bleicher has demonstrated himself to be, in his Tuesday, April 1st column? The University “gives out condoms” at the Health Center and at the Wellness Center- definitely not at the Canterbury Preschool. He complains that, “It’s a shame condoms are for males.” Well Seth, wake up and smell the latex-they make condoms for women also.
He also says he “think[s] birth control pills are easier.” Since when is taking a pill at the same exact time everyday, getting prescriptions filled, and completely changing the natural hormones of a woman’s body, easier than slipping on a condom? Let’s not forget that birth control pills are not effective protection against the STDs that infect one in every four sexually active people. Birth control also has many dangerous side effects. Unlike Seth’s belief that “at worst, they get cramps and clear skin,” the common side effects birth control pills can cause are vomiting, depression, abnormal bleeding, and weight change.
According to Seth, gyms and nutrition are to help people “look built,” and that “people are willing to waste hundreds of hours and spend thousands of dollars for what will result in a five-second orgasm.” Seth’s measly ambitions in the gym, and apparently in bed, are no reason to cause alarm. Most of us eat healthy foods and work out to stay in shape, for our own personal well-being; if that enhances the time we spend with our partners, I doubt anyone will complain.
Lastly, Seth complains about Victoria’s Secret selling thongs to pre-teens. This comment is so ridiculous that I only have to say that, when Seth’s sex “scientists” find the correlation between underwear preference and sexual behavior, be sure to let me know.
Seth wonders what’s next, “Fruit-flavored, chewable birth control pills shaped in Wilma Flintstone and Betty Rubble?” I think what should be next for Seth is some advice: I hear that wearing those condoms that are so much “work” can reduce sensitivity. Perhaps our minuteman should consider that.

Rachael Henrichsen, Junior

EDITORIAL : America, the Mental Patient

In their text Abnormal Psychology, authors Richard Halgin and Susan Krauss Whitbourne characterize people with Paranoid Personality Disorder as showing “pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others whose motives they interpret as malevolent.” Reflecting upon this statement and the recent state of international affairs, one wonders, does America suffer from Paranoid Personality Disorder?
Foremost for the paranoid patient is an “unjustified suspicion that others are exploiting, harming, or deceiving them.” Yes, the United States was assaulted by a terrorist organization in September of 2001. However, just as the rape victim may remain overly sensitive and unhealthily suspicious for too long after an attack, is America holding on too much to such an isolated incident in national history?
France and Germany receive the brunt of the next symptom: “preoccupation with unjustified doubts about others’ loyalty or trustworthiness.” The two European nations have been American allies for many years and at the first sign of dissent, Americans are willing to decry the French and Germans as treacherous as a common terrorist is. Some speak of severing all diplomatic ties with such “disloyal” nations.
If a solid link were proven between Iraq and the Al Qaeda network, then even the most vocal dissenters would have difficulty opposing action. But alas, our own government is to blame for the next warning sign: “reluctance to confide in others, for fear that the information will be used against them.” Intelligence officials refuse to provide hard evidence of a link or of the existence of WMD in Iraqi territory. Instead, the public is privy to vague speculations about criminal links and immoral activities.
How about a “tendency to bear grudges”? Well, how long has the U.S. been waiting to oust Saddam Hussein? Or a “perception of personal attacks that are not apparent to others, and tendency to respond with angry attacks”? Most of the Arab world characterizes the American armed forces as the “aggressor” in this conflict, in their “invasion” of Iraq. Iraqi threats to security are not perceived by some of the world.
Whether or not you’re convinced of the diagnosis, we’ll continue with the treatment. “Direct confrontation with the paranoid client usually backfires, because the client is likely to construe this as yet another attack.” Here, again, the French and Germans play a vital role. Upon the presentation of counterarguments to the U.S. position, Congress passed legislation to ban “French fries” and “French toast” from the Capitol lunchrooms-and replaced them with “Freedom fries” and “Freedom toast.” There’s another grudge forming.
The nature of terrorism makes it hard to eradicate militarily, as it is based on distrust and disinformation-as England found out at the cost of a lot of lives and money that the best way to deal with the IRA was to talk to them and win over their minds and hearts than to try to kill them all.
A theoretical therapist would try to convince America, the mental patient, “to handle situations without resorting to a defensive and vigilant stance,” and to talk out its problems with the individual or group it holds a grudge against. Maybe he would also advise America to revise the semi-paranoid color-coded warning system for homeland security, or to establish a sense of trust with antagonistic forces. Does America hold a sense of trust with the Arab world?