POLICE BEAT: Public Safety works to reduce unlocked doors
Safety Update of the Week:
The Public Safety Department has two active Continuous Improvement teams. One is working on nuisance alarms (sometimes referred to as false alarms). The other is exploring ways to reduce the number of doors left unlocked on campus. The goal of both of these teams is to ensure a safer campus. If doors are not left unsecured, it is more difficult to steal what is inside. Security alarm systems should be installed to maximize their effectiveness without wasting resources. They should also be operated in a way that minimizes police investigation time responding to nuisance alarms. The Fraternity Row Security plan was established to increase personal safety in the Fraternity Row area of campus. Extra security and police are deployed during the nighttime hours.
Pick up the paper every Friday to read the Public Safety call log and learn ways to protect yourself and your belongings.
WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 22
10:08 a.m. 1239 Dickinson Dr. Burglary
3:05 p.m. 5665 Ponce de Leon Burglary
THURSDAY OCTOBER 23
11:58 a.m. 1231 Dickinson Dr. Harassing Phone Calls
5:28 p.m. 1252 Memorial Dr. Petit Theft
6:38 p.m. 5100 Brunson Dr. Hit and Run
FRIDAY OCTOBER 24
9:15 p.m. 6000 San Amaro Dr. Criminal Mischief
SATURDAY OCTOBER 25
9:19 a.m. 1507 Levante Ave. Burglary
MONDAY OCTOBER 27
1:51 p.m. 5800 San Amaro Dr. Burglary
2:52 p.m. 1239 Dickinson Dr. Theft
3:30 p.m. 5200 Ponce de Leon Burglary/ Vehicle
4:58 p.m. 5200 Ponce de Leon Burglary/ Vehicle
6:02 p.m. 1111 Memorial Dr. Burglary/ Vehicle
TUESDAY OCTOBER 28
2:24 p.m. 1231 Dickinson Dr. Theft
The Hurricane is currently working to improve Police Beat by working with Coral Gables Police Department.
For more information on crimes and crime prevention, contact Public Safety at 284-6666.
HURRICANE HEALTHWATCH: Relationship violence takes many forms
Dear Hurricane,
One of my suitemates has a roommate who lives nearby and goes home often. When the roommate is not home, my suitemate will invite his girlfriend to stay the night. Sometimes when she is over, I overhear terrible arguing – loud screaming and crying, objects breaking, a lot of noise. Some nights, the noise is so much I can’t sleep. I believe they are violent with each other. Should I say something to my suitemate? If I get involved, I could jeopardize my friendship with my suitemate – especially if I’m wrong; however, I hate the thought of them physically fighting each other. What do you suggest?
Signed,
Sleepless Suitemate
Dear Sleepless,
You may want to involve your Resident Assistant [RA], who will probably involve the Resident Coordinator [RC]. The RA or RC will probably address each student separately to explain that neighbors are hearing arguing perceived as violent. Whether or not the couple admits the arguments are violent, the RA or RC will further explain that the longer one stays in an abusive relationship, the worse the abuse becomes and the tougher it is to break off the relationship.
The RA or RC also will advise each of them that violent behavior is a form of assault and an arresting offense. If a resident calls campus police, an officer may charge your friend and/or his girlfriend. The RA or RC will probably remind the students of campus resources for individuals finding themselves in this situation.
Unfortunately, what your friend and his girlfriend are experiencing is common. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rates of dating violence with current or former intimate partners.
Dating violence may be emotional, physical or sexual in nature among individuals who are dating, but not living together. Statistics suggest that women find themselves as the victims in the majority of dating violence cases. However, quite often men do not report their abuse.
Emotional [a.k.a. verbal or mental] abuse may not seem as serious as physical or sexual abuse, but it can devastate one’s self-esteem. Many men and women are involved in emotional abusive relationships but, unfortunately, they do not realize it. Emotional abuse often involves intimidation, name-calling and blaming. Giving orders, ignoring a partner’s opinions and controlling all situations are other signs.
Emotional abuse can progress to sexual or physical abuse.
A recent study of approximately 1,000 college women indicated 27.1 percent experienced sexual assault or abuse. More than 80 percent of the assaults were at the hand of someone they knew, [e.g., boyfriend, friend, classmate, co-worker, etc.]. The majority of these cases involved alcohol [55 percent of women and 68 percent of men had been drinking at the time of the incident], as it severely impairs judgment.
Date rape can be more traumatizing than rape by a stranger. Date rape violates trust and can divide groups of friends – leaving the victim without social support.
To reduce the likelihood of being a victim in an abusive relationship, consider the following suggestions.
* Communicate expectations: Set limits with your partner as to acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
* Equalize relationships: Avoid following stereotypes placing men in dominating positions and women in submissive positions.
* Be aware of individuals who: Ignore your wishes and personal boundaries, make you feel guilty, act excessively jealous, rely on substances or easily become hostile.
For more information on dating violence, visit rape101.com. For additional resources, contact the Counseling Center at 305-284-5511 or SART at 305-798-6666.
Good luck with resolving the situation and remember, you could be saving somebody’s life.
Sincerely,
Caitlyn Fantauzzi
Caitlyn Fantauzzi is a senior majoring in public relations. She works in the Wellness Center and is president of the student organization PHATE.
To submit questions to Hurricane Health Series or to respond to recent entries, email um_newspaper@yahoo.com.
Suspect wanted for attempting to steal laptop in dorms
On Tuesday, Oct. 21, at 5 p.m. a black male entered the room of a Stanford Residential College resident and attempted to unplug her laptop computer while she was sleeping.
According to police, the resident awoke and asked the suspect what he was doing in her room. He replied that he was looking for someone and fled.
The offender was described as a black male, six feet tall, 180 lbs., with a muscular build, in his early twenties. At the time of the attempted theft he was wearing a white, tank-top style undershirt and a green bandanna.
According to Stanford administration, UM security measures are top-notch, but it is up to students to ensure that intruders are not allowed to enter into the residence halls before security sign-ins begin at 10 p.m.
“I’ve worked at three different institutions, and this is by far the best as far as security goes,” said Jon Bono, residence coordinator for Stanford Residential College. “It’s just up to the students to take responsibility.”
Some suggestions that Bono had were locking doors when going to the bathroom or to other rooms in the building. He also suggested that students lock their doors before they go to sleep.
“We put a lot of money into security for this building and in all the residential colleges on campus, with the staff security, card swiping and security cameras,” Bono said. “It just depends on the residents.”
Common courtesies such as holding the door for the person behind you or signing in unknown persons between the hours of 10 p.m. and 8 a.m. can undermine the school’s security efforts.
However, Bono believes that residents can be considerate while at the same time being attentive to the security situation.
“When you walk through that door, just ask, ‘Hey, do you live here?’ If the person replies, ‘Yes, I’m on Rosborough 12,’ and the person is female, you know they have to be lying because Rosborough 12 is a boy floor,” Bono said. “Just be aware.”
According to Public Safety officials, 54 cases of burglary have been reported at the UM Coral Gables campus residential colleges in the past three years.
Stanford Walsh tower resident Emmy Morrison, freshman, said that she does not feel threatened.
“I think everyone feels immune to it, unless it happens to you or someone you know,” Morrison said. “I’m not personally worried about it.”
Some residents are more concerned.
“We keep our door locked all the time,” said Shannon Price, freshman and Stanford Rosborough tower resident. “But something like this is kind of creepy.”
If caught, the suspect will be charged with burglary and attempted grand theft.
Anyone with information regarding this crime is asked to call Public Safety at 305-284-6666 or Crimestoppers at 305-471-TIPS, where callers will remain anonymous and become eligible for a cash reward.
Public Safety encourages all residents to keep their doors locked at all times and to keep small personal property secured.
Students are asked to immediately report suspicious activity to campus police.
The Miami Hurricane will continue to follow up on this case as leads surface and police continue their investigation.
Jillian Bandes can be contacted at j.bandes@umiami.edu
SG president gives State of the University address
Scott Sadowski, Student Government [SG] president, gave his State of the University address during the Senate meeting on Wednesday, beginning his speech by addressing a question that he says has been in the back of everybody’s mind: “Scott, last year we won SG of the Year – what could we do to get better?”
Sadowski said that he acknowledges that many areas need improvement and that SG has been successful in most of these adjustments throughout the semester. These improvements have been made both internally and externally.
According to Sadowski, among the internal accomplishments is an increase in enthusiasm and efficiency in SG Cabinet. SG also recently held a retreat that gave SG representatives an opportunity to have fun and develop project ideas in an informal and entertaining setting.
Sadowski said that external projects have been successful, thanks to the help of the Executive Board, and promised that students will be seeing improvements in both student life and academics.
Some of these improvements include:
I Ibis Ride operating on Thursday Nights beginning in the spring
I Introducing a sushi bar in the Hurricane food court
I Working on extended campus shuttle service to include the Flipse building
I Extending Richter Library to 24 hours during final exams
I Working closely with administration in the preliminary designs for a new UC
I Finalizing proposals for a free shuttle from campus to Miami International Airport for holiday breaks
I Renovated seating outside of Stanford Residential College as well as renovations to the Hecht/Stanford Dining Hall
I Bringing the need for renovations to the Cox Science Center to the attention of the Board of Trustees
I Creating a medical school mentoring program that is unmatched by any other university
According to Sadowski, administration has commended SG on their great work.
Particularly, Sadowski mentioned that Mel Tenen, director of auxiliary services, has praised the Dining Services Advisory Board, explaining that students and their feedback have helped to improve Chartwells’ operations.
Sadowski says he hopes that SG will improve just as Chartwells has, with the help and support of the student body.
If you have any questions, concerns or suggestions for SG stop by their office in UC 214, call 305-284-3082 or email Scott Sadowski at ssadowski@umiami.edu.
Leigha Taber can be contacted at l.taber@umiami.edu.
NEWS BRIEFS
UM hosts Mock Trial tournament, wins third
The UM Mock Trial Committee recently hosted an invitational tournament for Mock Trial. Twelve teams participated in competition from six different schools: UM, the Citadel, Georgia Institute of Technology, Kennesaw State University, Howard University and University of West Florida. The competition ended with an awards ceremony and speech by Janet Reno. Awards were given to the top three teams, the top five individual attorney performances and the top five individual witness performances.
The top 3 teams were Georgia Tech’s team No. 1 in third place, UM’s team No. 1 in second and Howard University in first. Howard University was national runner-up last year for Mock Trial competition.
Several members from UM received individual performance awards:
Tasha St. Louis from UM’s team No. 3 for outstanding witness performance
Jillian Bandes from UM’s team No. 1 for outstanding witness performance
David Sobel from UM’s team No. 2 for outstanding attorney performance
Don Donelson from UM’s team No. 1 for outstanding attorney performance
Ibis Yearbook photo shoot ends today
The Ibis Yearbook will be taking underclassmen photos from 9 to 11 a.m. and senior portraits from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. Seniors are urged to make appointments at www.mcgrathstudios.com, password ibis. Senior sitting fee is $20.
UM Alternative Spring Break needs you
Make one week last a lifetime! Are you interested in making the world a better place this Spring Break? If so, then Alternative Spring Break is for you! Spend a week volunteering with issues such as HIV/AIDS, poverty, the environment, children and many more! Prices range from $150 to $350 and include food, lodging and airfare for the entire week. Applications are due Nov. 7 and are available at UC 240 or at www.miami.edu/studorgs/UMAB.
Busta Rhymes at UM
Busta Rhymes is performing live at the Convocation Center, Nov. 13 at 8 p.m. Also performing is Joe Budden. Bringing the heat to this hip-hop and reggae event are Dancehall Reggae sensation Cecile Plus, Liberator and Louie Rankin. Hosted by funnyman Frantz, from Def Comedy Jam and Bet’s Comic View. Tickets are on sale now, and with a UM Student ID students save money, only at the Convocation Center box office. Don’t miss your chance to see one of the biggest acts in hip-hop today. For more information call 305-284-8686 or visit http://www.umconvocationcenter.com.
Two new members join Board of Trustees
The University of Miami Board of Trustees has announced two new members: Paul J. Cejas, CEO of PLC Investments Inc., and Steven J. Saiontz, Chairman of Union Bank of Florida. The Board is responsible for governing UM.
Cejas served as Ambassador to Belgium under President Clinton. In addition to serving as CEO of PLC Investments Inc., a family-owned company that manages investments in real estate, healthcare and venture capital projects, Cejas, who received his bachelor’s degree from UM, is the former founder, chairman and CEO of CareFlorida Health Systems Inc. During his leadership, it was the largest Hispanic-owned healthcare company in the country. Cejas once served as chairman of the Dade County School Board and is a former vice chairman of the Board of Trustees of Florida International University, where the School of Architecture building is named in his honor. Cejas and his wife reside in Miami Beach. They have four children, and daughter Helene is a student at UM.
Saiontz, who received his M.B.A. from UM in 1984, is the former CEO and director of LNR Property Corp., a commercial real estate finance, investment and management company. Prior to joining Lennar, he worked for Southeast Bank. Sainotz is the son-in-law of the late UM Trustee Leonard Miller. He and his wife Leslie, owner of the children’s clothing stores Kidding Around, Running Around and Kidding Around, Too, and their three children reside in Miami.
‘Violet’ plays at UM
The Department of Theater Arts rolls out the red carpet for Violet, a toe-tapping musical journey of hope and healing. Violet is the story of a severely disfigured young woman who travels by bus across the South in 1964 to be healed by a TV evangelist. This contemporary score is rich with gospel, rock, country and rhythm and blues. Violet runs Nov. 13-22.
The production will be directed by Michael McElroy, who received a Drama Desk nomination for his performance in the original New York production of Violet. McElroy is working with UM theatre arts majors in his directorial debut.
Be sure to catch Violet on Friday, Nov. 14, as part of a special UM Homecoming celebration, which will include fireworks around the lake adjacent to the theatre. The show begins at 9:30 p.m.
To purchase tickets or for more information call the box office Monday through Friday between 12 and 5 p.m. at 305-284-3355, or log on to www.miami.edu/ring.
CALENDAR
TODAY
Don’t miss it!
Planning on going to the Grove to celebrate Halloween? Then be sure to take the Ibis Ride Shuttle, available from 7:30 p.m. to 5 a.m. so you can party the night away, thanks to the hard work of Student Government.
Support and remember survivors and victims of violence by participating in Feel Good Friday. Meet at the Rock at 3 p.m. to build a haunted house at Community Partnership for the Homeless.
The Rat is back and in full effect! Come get your laugh on with Ms. Dominique and Ronnie Jordan at the October Belly Bust at 7 p.m. There will be a cake-cutting ceremony to commemorate the grand re-opening of the Rat.
SATURDAY NOVEMBER 1
Don’t miss out as Good Charlotte takes over the Convocation Center with Eve 6. Tickets are $26 plus service fees and are on sale now at the UM Convocation box office or by calling 305-284-8686.
The 2003 Homecoming Ball will take place at Parrot Jungle Ballrooms from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. Tickets are required for entry.
MONDAY NOVEMBER 3
The Public Relations Students Society of America is holding a meeting at 6:30 p.m. in Eaton Residential College, Room 148. All majors are welcome.
Watch as contestants compete for the title of Miss UM in Gusman Concert hall at 7 p.m. The winner competes in the Miss Florida competition.
WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 5
The Tibetan Library of Miami presents the Venerable Geshe Lundub Sopa who will present a public talk on “Compassion and Wisdom, the Essence of Tibetan Buddhism” in LC 140 at 7 p.m. President Shalala will introduce and welcome Geshe Sopa. The event is co-sponsored by the Department of Religious Studies and the Society for the Study of Religions.
Don’t miss Speak Your Truth Campus Forum #1 from 8 to 10 p.m. in LC 110. This all-campus forum explores how racial and cultural stereotypes create division and obscure commonalities. Led by an all-campus student panel with special guests Mihoko Suzuki, Pat Saunders, Lillian Manzor, Steve Clark and Matt Ward.
Guns ‘N Violence events encourage prevention
Gravesites, shoes and armbands launched the fourth year of Guns ‘N Violence Awareness Week, sponsored by LINK, a volunteer organization that coordinates events and opportunities for students to volunteer throughout the community.
“We are trying to make people aware of how violence touches the campus and community and ways of how to prevent it,” said senior Jessi Rowen, president of LINK.
According to Earlisa Watkins, junior and service chair for LINK, the surge of recent crime alerts reinforces the need for awareness.
“The recent crimes on campus make everyone aware that they need to look out for themselves at all times,” Watkins said. “We actually have victims of crime on campus. It is evidence. It can happen to you.”
Students agree.
“I think more crimes on campus help make the week more appropriate,” Sara Grossman, senior, said. “It’s a city – people just have to be aware of what’s going on around them.”
The week provided discussions, a candlelight vigil and a documentary on youth violence. The campaign also included setting up gravesites across campus representing the most shocking acts of violence.
“I saw one at Eaton and thought it was a real grave,” Abdul Akbar, sophomore, said. “It got me thinking but it didn’t convince me, although I think guns shouldn’t be that accessible to kids.
“It kind of opened up my eyes to the things going on around here and in my home country Kuwait.”
Others don’t think the efforts are as effective as they should be.
“You think it’s about Halloween but then you realize it’s about gun awareness,” Nessa Maten, junior, said. “It doesn’t seem all that relevant – I’m sitting here in Coral Gables at a private university. I’m not all that concerned about being shot.”
Watkins hopes students will look beyond the shock factor of the shoes and gravesites and become motivated to be involved in violence prevention.
“I hope people would see what we’re presenting and would think of a solution and start a program for prevention, especially with youth,” Watkins said.
Another aspect of the campaign included displaying many different pairs of shoes with true stories of acts of violence. The shoes, which were collected during October from students and faculty, will be donated to the Miami Rescue Mission and Community Partnership for the Homeless at the end of the week.
Each day in the week represented different types of violence.
One of the most popular events was held on Monday and introduced violence awareness on campus through a discussion on violence and prevention led by Ken Lucas, Public Safety crime prevention coordinator.
In the wake of the numerous crime reports on campus, students expressed their concerns about staying safe on campus during the discussion.
Lucas reassured students that the numbers of patrols and security guards have increased on campus and also urged students to take advantage of the escort service and blue light phones on campus.
Ahmed Ahmed, freshman, feels that there should be better security on campus and that people should prepare themselves against attack.
“People should know what is a good time to go out and come in, Ahmed said. “They should take a self-defense class and get pepper spray.”
For more information, contact Link at link.studorg@miami.edu or stop by the Butler Volunteer Services Center in UC 240, or call 305-284-GIVE to find out more information about upcoming volunteer events.
Marquita Bell can be reached at m_bell01@hotmail.com.
L&A PARTY CALENDAR OF BLOOD: The Vulcan’s Lair is 25,000 square feet of terror.
Life & Art Editor
TONIGHT
Hey kid, c’mere a second. Come a lil’ closer. Closer. Closer. Closer. C’mere a second. Closer. Closer. DUDE! Get away from me! So, everybody, it’s Halloween.
Last night was Devil’s Night – hope you all survived…ahahahaaha [spooky laugh], shut up other personality! Well, most of you are destined to be Grovin’ it – which most the time, we admit, we’d diss all art-student like (even though I’m not one – at all). But actually, it’s plenty fun and people rock some creative stuff. The problem is it isn’t all “Ahhhhh!” [breathe, breathe] whatsoever.
Well, there’s this 25,000 sq ft space that is – for tonight only – turned into a “Haunted Environment” complete with endless Bacardi poured by scantily-clad zombies and scored by two scantily-clad-til-it’s-eew skeleton DJs. The people behind this are dropping quite the dime, so it’s legit – we don’t know them either, so it’s no “Mustachio Bashio” propaganda. Costumes are mandatory and there’s free valet for your hearses.
Alright. Word. Here’s the info: Gada Presents “The 4th Element Halloween Party” at The Vulcan’s Lair warehouse (not rave styles – nicer), 696 (don’t flip the sixes) NW 22nd Street. Afterward, there’s a VIP afterparty at Mynt – sweet. Call 305-238-4151 for more info – that’s the big red dude’s cell by the way.
TOMORROW IS (ahem) THE LIFE & ART MUSTACHIO BASHIO
Yo Sven. Yo Hza. Yo, dude, hit the Michael Jackson tape. Where’s it at? Yo, just hit it, hurry up, I’m typing in the Bashio info. Alright, word. [30 sec wait] Sven! Okay! [The beat to “Thriller” starts].
Alright, everyone. Today is tomorrow. Today is the night of the Life & Art + UM Surfrider + M.I.A. Skateshop + UM-TV’s “Ballin’ Boys” firrrrth annual “Mustachio Bashio.” We’ve been chattering about this for yrs, yes we know. Well, it’s here, and we’ve all been trying to organize the house to the best of our class-in-class-out-sleep in-go-out-grow-that-‘stache zany schedules. We hope you like.
On the bill: DJ Jimmy James of WVUM 90.5 & Life & Art & VICE at SoHo Lounge on the way early ones-and-twos. Two dudes from The Empirical Mile doing some funny-sketchy-cool hip hop thing. MC Arjun of Life & Art and the DUCKS ARE DEAD crew as the night’s hammered MC (Jesus I’m rollin’ wit you.). Our man DJ Contra spinning all the dance work-out classics. But most likely, you’ll be hearing The Rapture’s Echoes for the firrth time (see if we talk a good game – we were right about Clipse, right?) and that new RZA disc – which is just slammin’ like ONYX.
But most of all kids, we have, [10 sec wait] – yo, Nate, how many kegs do we have? Dude, we have [counting] 10 kegs! So, we want to make the blurry remnants memorable: Guys wear yr real ‘staches. No real ‘stache? Go buy one and a monocle while yr at it. UM Girls: Just dress to impress like you do like everyday. Tell everyone you know – enemies, friends, pets, models, artists, Andrew Unterman, Dan Marino, our mascot.
Oh yeah, directions: Email Huntlaed@hotmail.com or Big_Sven@hotmail.com or Biigdeano@aol.com or SOASIS@aol.com. Be nice to the neighbors please – they’re cool and like UM kids to have a goodtime. HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!
Dracula Video will SUCK YOU DRY
Trick or treating is dead. But Halloween is here, fellas, and, just so you can get your spook on – horror flick-styles – Life & Art paid a visit to Dracula Video Rentals, the most spine-chilling video store in South Florida. But just as it’s a hell of an ominous experience inside, the owners are apparently also freaked out by their clientele, given the inch-wide steel bars incarcerating this “yellow haven.”
Shake off those I-can’t-go-anywhere-I-don’t-know jitters because this place is smack in the middle of the ghetto downtown, and like Flipmode Squad, they’re taking their chances. This isn’t some wuss-ass Blockbuster, where they need to run a credit check and tie you down by your bank account; rather Dracula Video is confident that you’ll return their videos – so confident that they only require a photo ID and $10 membership fee to open an account with them.
They must have some other way of making sure their loyal customers return videos on time, such as having you leave your pet “Foofoo” for collateral or something. But really, if you absolutely cherish that copy of Child’s Play, you probably could tuck it in your scary movie collection and disappear.
Alright, enough facetiousness. Truth is, this place isn’t daunting at all, except for the highly dubious environs at night. Man, that crackhead on the corner is scarier than this little old mom ‘n’ pop, fruit-standish shop that’s been opened since 1987 and has nothing to do with horror movies.
According to the manager, Jose Terzado, the place was named when naming video stores after popular movies was trendy: “Ju know,” he says, in a thick Hispanic drawl, “eees like da name, man, eeet jus-a-stick in people’s minds better when ju gotta name like Dracula Video.”
Even if talking to the manager is kinda like listening to the Marlins’ players after the World Series – no one speakie the English here – you just gotta love this place. The store could almost have the same funky, free-spirited vibe to it that the cult comic book store in Lost Boys did, if it were occupied by to Coreys instead of a couple of middle-aged guys.
Here’s the best part, though. Keeping in line with good marketing strategy, the owners devised a plan to keep customers in their store as long as possible – or just drive them insane. They put all of their movies into two categories: “Old” shit and “New” shit. Now you no longer have to worry about whether a movie’s in “Drama” or “Action.” Here, it’s all in the same place, as long as it hasn’t just come out in the cinema. OK, by now, this place is getting a little freaky.
Basically, it’s like this: they’ve got Spike Lee’s Girl 6 right next to Stigmata. This shit isn’t even alphabetized! “Yeah, we don’t even carry the movie Dracula,” Terzado laughs.
What’s that, no Bela Lugosi? Oh well, our hearts are not broken. We still love you Dracula Video for fooling the world with your adult video storefront, your ever-so mainstream films and giving us the spooks for having that chilling title and then turning out to be a fuckin’ bodega-styles hole-in-the-wall. You show those ‘ol Blockbusters that keep springing up on every corner like campus crimes who runs Miami – soon enough, you’ll devour those corporate bastards, ya wicked bloodsuckers.
Join the local ghetto folk for some heavy film debating at Dracula Video, 3201 NW 2nd Ave, Miami. Call 305-573-7048 for more info.
Linda Hoffman can be found on a street corner in Overtown peddling scary movies or at lindanhoffman@hotmail.com or at the Mustachio Bashio on Saturday.
The Wolf, the Butcher, and Inspector Clouseau: ‘Staches on Film
Film is a visual art form, and despite what your favorite porn star said in her journalistically sound Maxim interview, looks do matter. This is especially true in the plastic city of Los Angeles, where, with the exception of Rob Reiner, physical imperfections are as rare as cloudy days, or honest police officers.
A cinematic character’s hair, skin, eyes, mouth, and nose define who he or she is as much as the dialogue spoken. While some feminine attributes get a lot of attention – Nicole Kidman’s nose in The Hours or Demi Moore’s hair in G.I. Jane for instance – there is one undeniably manly feature that has transcended all eras and stylistic changes: the mustache.
With these three famous ‘staches as your guide, you too can learn how to become a masculine movie icon aftering growing some well kempt facial hair all your own.
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
CHARACTER: Winston Wolf
‘STACHE: Harvey Keitel’s
FILM: Pulp Fiction
Wolf is, without a doubt, one of the suavest ‘stache gods ever captured on film, sporting a very telltale and memorable mustache.
Writer/director/psychopath Quentin Tarantino has a knack for creating characters that ooze with updated old school charisma and trigger finger pride, and what better way to communicate these attributes than by slapping on some whiskers on the upper lip?
Pulp Fiction, easily Tarantino’s best work to date, is also one of the top films of our time – and drawing significant virility from ‘stache power is most likely the sole reason. That bad motherfucker himself, Samuel L. Jackson, plays Jules Winnfield, an angry black man blessed with a Coming to America jeri curl and a suitably pissed off ‘stache, but let’s face it, Wolf leaves him biting hot rod dust like Queen.
It’s the preposterous suggestion (and hopefully not a full “blow-n” reality) by QT that people like Wolf actually exist in our world, and that makes him oh so cool. When Fiction’s two main characters run into trouble, their casual cool mob boss calls up “the Wolf,” a well-respected, mysterious problem solver aka a cleaner. Rolling up to the hideout house in a fetching combination of black and white tuxedo and a straight-laced, no joke mustache – the Wolf is the consummate professional.
His dialogue (“Let’s get down to brass tax gentlemen.”) matches up perfectly with his non-flashy Godfather appearance. He talks fast, works fast, and drives “real fuckin’ fast.” His coffee? Lots of cream and lots of sugar; the man obviously has a little soul behind the discipline. And he disposes of “The Bonnie Situation” easily, with enough time left to take a platonic family friend out to a sunlit breakfast.
Yeah, the Wolf’s screen-time is limited, but damn if that ‘stache doesn’t stay in your mind like that stoned metal head babysitter who beat your score in Adventure Island. Of all the great characters Tarantino has created in this last decade, this guy, Winston Wolf, is the most memorable. All hail the ‘stache.
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
CHARACTER: Bill the Butcher
‘STACHE: Daniel Day-Lewis’
FILM: Gangs of New York
In Pulp Fiction, Keitel generated more dark energy and fun from a Wolf than Warren Zevon using just a handful of minutes. In Martin Scorsese’s epic Gangs of New York, Daniel Day-Lewis pumps murderous, sexy life into one of the best villains of all time, and he does it for almost three hours. Ladies: Do a curtsy for stamina.
Never mind the critical indecisiveness over Gangs, no one can deny that DDL’s performance is why cinematic villains overshadow the hero. Bill the Butcher is a hero – there’s the super-cool “New Yoark” accent (not “New Yahk”), the classy costumes and top hats, a glass eye, and most importantly, one helluva mustache.
The first thing you notice about a handlebar mustache is its excessiveness. Why do men go to such extravagant lengths to grow this big ridiculous squirrel-shaped lump of hair above their mouth, especially since the rest of his face is always clean-shaven? Well, maybe because such men are great men, but unfortunately, a lot of them are also psychopaths. Bill rules over his American cutthroat streets as they explode into parades and parties for no apparent reason – like old groupie applause for Van Halen.
Ever the lover of attention, he absorbs complementary helpings of it from all around him – chalk it off to the handlebar. Replace it with a wiry John Waters’ or even a bushier Selleck and this character would have immediately turned much more despicable and annoying; but Scorsese wants his key villain to be loved and hated at once, and he succeeds via this monster of grooming.
In a lot of ways Bill the Butcher’s lust for excess and power is America. And, oddly, maybe that’s why domestic moviegoers and critics were most drawn and enticed by his actions. There’s a term for when a great performance overshadows everything else in one part of a film: stealing. DDL steals every scene he’s in, prancing around like a cartoon, until someone crosses him, and learns first hand of his namesake as his last breath is spent in admiration of the holy ‘stache.
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CHARACTER: Inspector Jacques Clouseau
‘STACHE: Peter Sellers’
FILM: The Pink Panther
No actor in the history of modern film has had a year like Peter Sellers had in 1964. It only took him a few months to create two of the most memorable characters ever. He played three parts in Stanley Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove, but it was the title role that carved out his place among the best actors, again – ever.
He followed this masterwork up quickly with two Clouseau movies that very same year – The Pink Panther and A Shot in the Dark. Starring at the bumbling inspector would become Sellers’ trademark, and it’s a character he turned to repeatedly throughout the rest of his career.
The Pink Panther set out to spoof the jewel thief genre, casting Sellers as Clouseau, a detective struggling to catch the man who stole a diamond known as The Pink Panther.
It makes for a strange film in the fact that Clouseau is really the lone funny character, and almost all of the comedy in the film is derived from his actions. Basically, it’s a standard crime story with one funny guy inserted into the scenes. Luckily, the one funny guy is very funny and has a ‘stache.
The comedy of Clouseau is just a series of bumping into things and making dumb decisions, but Sellers’ facial expressions – exaggerated with a classic movie detective ‘stache – make nearly every joke a great success. Obviously this film was well liked, because the sequel, A Shot in the Dark, came out in the same year, and would be followed by seven more films, four of them starring Sellers, and a TV series.
So, instead of masterminding crimes like the Wolf and Butcher, Clouseau is solving them, and yet, his choice of ‘stache is just as serious-looking, working with a pair of sharply raised eyebrows to give a twisted and confused look. Those who remain skeptical of the ‘stache, well, just look at the cover of this DVD and you can tell exactly what the film is about: Sellers plus ‘stache equals nonverbal communication of the highest degree. And ladies love a sense of humor that’s easy to grasp.
Shawn Wines can be reached at shawnwines@aol.com.
The only thing better than sore thumbs is sore hands
and Nate Johnson
Life & Art Senior Stash Finder/Life & Art ‘Stache Chairman
EA Sports NCAA Football 2004
Rated: E for Everyone should realize this game is Jesus
Console: PS2
****** (classic status)
In my eighth season as the coach of the Hurricanes I have never lost a game and I think I need surgery on my arthritis-ridden thumbs. I probably won’t sleep tonight because I have to get through this recruiting season, or maybe just because there’s just so much damn free Internet porn.
This is the reason I show up late to every class. It’s the reason I’m failing chemistry. This game sucks because it’s ruining my over-priced education.
Of course, it really isn’t fair to play with the ‘Canes because they flat-out dominate and Kellen Winslow never drops a pass. Saturday-to-Saturday would feel like an eternity without NCAA 2004.
The graphics are standard EA sickness, but the commentary by Lee Corso and Kirk Herbstreit wears on the nerves after a while, failing to add fresh commentary from 2003.
Packed with all the posh sports game features like online play and legendary throwback teams, the choice highlight of the game is the Dynasty Mode, which enables complete control over a franchise across-the-board, from the scheduling to the recruiting.
Another notable improvement over last year’s edition is the Sports Illustrated magazine feature, which allots a new “issue” after each week of play. While it sounds like it sucks, it adds a colorful, entertaining aspect between game weeks and weeks of gaming.
If you like college football and you don’t buy this game, you deserve to get your ass kicked by our football team. Five Stars (signed: Kings of Leon, Maxim)
– Nate Johnson
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Freedom Fighters
Rated: T for Tearing out your pubes might be more fun
Console: PS2
*1.5
Imagine if you will: the Russians (!) have created the atomic bomb before the Americans and in the very alternate world that is Freedom Fighters, the Soviets become the one and only world power. Have the fat ass sitting next to you hit fast forward to the present where the Ruskies have just invaded Manhattan (!). Where’s George W. when you need him?
Yes, we’re still in this kooky world, sorry. You play a plumber who starts taking out the Russians, Charles Bronson Death Wish vigilante style. First, you must rescue the female leader (!) of the U.S. rebels, Isabella Angelina, and then take back the Big Apple. This game is Death Wish 2 “WEIRD!”
First of all, the makers of this ass-crap game (Re: EA – stick to sports) forgot the fact that people bleed when they get shot – and I don’t give a Russian fokk what nerd’s dimension it’s in. If I shoot someone in the face six times I don’t expect him or her to fall down and vanish, they should hemorrhage and wiggle.
C’mon, while you’re doing butterfly laps in this G-rated Twilight Zone, Rockstar Games is banking harder and harder off the ultra-violence. Jump on their GTA El Camino already.
My other main problem is that people are so politically correct over at EA, they had to change history so that the Russians invaded us, as opposed to a more realistic invasion by North Korea or – even better, us invading Russia for no reason except Bush realized that we were only a “Hummerride” away in Irackk.
Well, there’s one cool feature where you instruct other computer controlled “freedom fighters” to help take back NYC, but it gets pretty annoying bringing them back to life every time they get shot.
This game sucks harder than your baby sister did two years ago.
-Nate Johnson
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F-Zero GX
Rated: T for Taking bad drugs before playing this is a given
Console: GameCube
***1.5
So, I’m realizing how lame my free copy of Soul Caliber 2 is and marveling at the fact that Nintendo thinks that by having Link as an exclusive character (that still sucks) it will boost sales, when I take out the other game that came in my complimentary duffel bag.
Yeah, I loathed Fucking-Zero for SNES – I always crashed and burned the fuck up within five seconds and went back to Bass Fishin’ – this one’s way dean! better though.
Graphics: proper as hell and almost guaranteed to cause seizures once you start getting the boosters. I don’t understand why the hell they have so many of the same cars, they all seem like the Toyota line of the 1980s and I can’t tell them apart.
Shit’s fun, I have yet to throw the controller against the wall, but the obscenity factor in a heated race is though the roof like Hunter watching “Sanford and Son”; and the lame factor on this review is right next to it, fuck!
– Sven Barth
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EA Sports NHL Hockey 2004
Rated: E for Everyone in Canada will buy this game
Console: PS2
***
This game suffers from the undeniable fact that no one in the U.S. really likes hockey unless they live in the Land of 10,000 Lakes or “Lake Eerie” if you will.
Get past the fact that no one can pronounce half the players’ names and enjoy the fast, realistic play, along with some cold new features.
EA digitally flew in foreign leagues from Germany, Sweden, and Finland, which adds another eight tons of ice of names that no one knows.
They’ve also instated a much needed fight mode where you can choose whether or not to fight – huh? – and then watch the computer kick your ass from a close-up vantage point.
The letdown comes in the form of crap in your ears. Surely those pixel jocks over at EA don’t think that the only people playing this game are fat angry white guys? Well, maybe, but still, is that a viable excuse to throw in music by no-name rock bands that’s so horrible even fat slime balls would try to discover the mute button? It’s also too damn hard to check, which is the sole reason I would play a hockey game to begin with sans fighting. If I press the check button and I am anywhere within the vicinity of the other player, he should loose a couple of Canadian whites.
By the way, EA, you also need to bring back the Zamboni and that fat guy from that hockey game on Nintendo. Check, mate?
– Nate Johnson