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CALENDAR

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TODAY
Celebrate Mardi Gras Tuesday at 7 p.m. at the Episcopal Church Center, located by the Stanford Drive guard gate. Costumes are encouraged but not required. Food, music, games, prizes! The party is free, and all are welcome. For more information, contact Ana Carter at 305-284-2333.

You are invited to attend a special advanced screening of The Girl Next Door at 9 p.m. at the Cosford Cinema. Tickets are available for free at the Hurricane Productions office, in the UC 206.

The College of Arts and Sciences is proud to host writer Grace Paley, who will read from her work at 7:30 p.m. at the Wesley Center. Paley, a noted writer and political activist, has had a substantial impact on social and literary culture for more than four decades. This event is co-sponsored by Women’s Studies, Judaic Studies and the creative writing program of the English department of the College of Arts and Sciences. This event is free and open to the public. For further information, please contact Maureen Seaton, director of creative writing, at 305-284-2182.

WEDNESDAY
The History Department, the History Club, the UM Apartment Area and the Phi Alpha Theta present African Heritage Night in the Pearson classroom from 7 to 9 p.m. with lectures, a short documentary and a sampling of Caribbean and African cuisine. For more information, contact John Gustavsen at 305-284-3660.

In honor of Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent, the Episcopal Church will be holding services at 8 a.m., 12 p.m. and 7 p.m. The chapel is located at the corner of Stanford Drive and Levante, by the Stanford guard gate. All are welcome to attend. For more information, contact Father Frank at 305-284-2333.

The Cinematic Arts Commission presents Mystic River at the Cosford Cinema at 8 and 10:30 p.m. Admission is free with ‘Cane Card.

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 26
The ladies of Lambda Theta Alpha Latin Sorority, Inc. are holding an Informational/Open Espresso at 9:30 p.m. in UC 237. This is an opportunity for ladies to find out more information about the first and largest Latin sorority in the nation. For more information, e-mail Cristina J. Torres at miami_lambdalady@hotmail.com or visit www.lambdalady.org. Remember: it’s not about being Latin, it’s about being a lady.

The International Education and Exchange Programs will be hosting a special info session on the Ghana, West Africa study abroad program from 4 p.m.- 5 p.m. in Allen Hall room 204 with Dr. Abaka, Chanelle Rose [TA] and past participants. For more information, visit www.studyabroad.miami.edu.

Volunteers needed to read to children between the ages of 1-9 years old while they wait to see the doctor at the clinics. You are invited to join the Medical School’s Department of Pediatrics for lunch and learn about the “Reach Out and Read Program” at 12 p.m. in the Rosenstiel Medical Science Building 3rd floor. Please RSVP to David at ROR@MED.MIAMI.EDU. For more information please call 305-284-5264.

MONDAY FEBRUARY 23- THURSDAY FEBRUARY 26
Greek Week 2004 will be hosting the annual South Florida Blood Bank blood drive from 9 a.m.- 9 p.m. in the UC Flamingo Ballrooms. Everyone will receive a free blood drive t-shirt. Please donate to support your local South Florida blood bank.

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 27
Come ready to get your laugh on at the Rat for this month’s Belly Bust at 7 p.m. This month’s Belly Bust is in conjunction with Black Awareness Month features: Rob Stapleton, Damon Williams, and Malik.

Today is the last day for NEW student organizations to register with COSO. Located in UC 209, COSO can be contacted at 305-284-6399 or visit www.miami.edu/COSO for more information.

MONDAY FEBRUARY 23- SATURDAY FEBRUARY 28
E-week is a national event to celebrate the engineering profession. Events will be held throughout the week, including a HappyE-hour open to the entire university and a service project for engineering majors. For more information, contact Chris, Patty, or Matt of the Engineering Advisory Board at 305-284-3171.

SATURDAY FEBRUARY 28
In honor of Black Awareness Month, the United Black Students [UBS] will host the Royal Heritage Ball at the Airport Marriott from 8p.m.-1 a.m. For more information, contact UBS at 305-284-2583.

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 29
Come join Canes Night Live Special Edition for an Oscars pre-party at the Rat from 5 p.m. to 12 a.m., including FREE desserts, trivia, prizes, and much more. A limo will pick up students in front of Hecht/Stanford and Mahoney/Pearson between 5 p.m. and 8 p.m. Students will be dropped off in front of the Rat and will walk the red carpet just like the stars. They will also have the opportunity to place their hands on the Walk of Fame. At 8 p.m. the Oscars will be shown on the big screen. For more information, contact Lourdes Przygocki at 305-689-6373 or at lourdesp@earthlink.net.

Black Awareness Month Closing Ceremonies will take place on February 29 at 3 p.m. on the UC Patio. Come join them in celebrating the ending of a successful month.

MONDAY MARCH 1
As the nation prepares for the presidential elections in fall 2004, the University, will present events that explore local and national issues. The first of these events is the Community Forum Series, designed to bring students, area residents, experts, activists, and local officials for an interactive discussion. The first forum in the series, “Dumb and Dumber? The Challenge of Local News and Public Education,” will be held from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. at the Wesley Center.

TUESDAY MARCH 2

WEDNESDAY MARCH 3
The Cinematic Arts Commission presents “Bad Santa” at the Cosford Cinema at 8 p.m. and 10 p.m. Admission is FREE with Cane Card.

THURSDAY MARCH 4

FRIDAY MARCH 5

SATURDAY MARCH 6

SUNDAY MARCH 7

MONDAY MARCH 8
Join Tri Delta in our efforts to raise money for St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital from 6 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. Just go to Coldstone Creamery (on US 1) and mention Tri Delta, who will then receive 20% of profits for the evening. For more information visit: www.trideltamiami.com.

International student numbers decline nationally

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International admissions at universities throughout the United States declined in the 2002-03 academic school year, says a recent CNN report. It cites tightened visa restrictions after 9-11 by the Institute of International Education as a primary reason for the decrease.

According to Mark Reid, director of International Admissions, there is always potential for the trend to reach UM. Thus far, undergraduate international enrollment this academic year is ahead of last year’s. Graduate enrollment has, however, taken a hit.

UM ranks in the top 50 schools in the country for international enrollments; 110 countries are represented on campus.

According to administration, the incentives that draw international students to UM include the option of a double major, exceptional financial assistance and – yes – favorable location and weather.

“Weather is a huge factor,” Reid said. “We have a huge number of transfer students in the winter months, especially in January.”

The largest international enrollment – about 35 percent – comes from Latin America, mainly because of UM’s proximity to the region. Students often arrive in Miami during times of political or economic turmoil.

“In 2002, and less so in 2003, there was an exodus from Venezuela because of the political situation,” Reid said. “Virtually overnight we had an increase in Venezuelan enrollment.”

UM has been ranked in the top 10 percent by a number of academic journals for the number and type of scholarships offers to undergraduate students. Graduate students can expect assistantships, stipends and fellowships.

However, Ashish Thani, a freshman from Barbados, said that he qualified for a scholarship but did not receive the money he had expected.

Reid said the number of students qualifying for scholarships outnumbers funds available. Federal and state money is restricted to domestic students. Therefore, UM must draw from its own limited funds for international students, which is why they tend to receive fewer scholarships.

UM publicizes globally by sending representatives to 65 cities, as well as by sponsoring school counselors from countries including Kuwait, Switzerland, Hong Kong and Antigua to visit UM to learn more about the University.

Reid says he has not been to any country so far where UM is unheard of, and he said that the school is particularly recognized for its marine science program and medical school.

Several factors indicate how the overall national decrease in international enrollments could affect UM.

According to UM administration, the University is becoming increasingly selective in accepting students, which has an effect on the number of international students who matriculate at UM.

Also, Reid said that the new visa restrictions tend to affect students who want to major in fields deemed “sensitive” by the Department of Homeland Security.

Because of 9-11, male Muslims must now wait longer than before to get visas to travel to the U.S., often delaying their arrival before classes begin.

Visa officers do not generally accept students if they do not express the desire to continue their studies beyond the undergraduate level. Also, international students must confirm their ties to their native country and display that they will return upon completion of their studies.

Reid cited preconceived notions – especially of parents – about UM that may hinder them from sending their sons and daughters to the school.

Nikki Aggarwal, a sophomore from Tanzania, came to UM after carefully researching the University and comparing it with other schools.

“People think of Miami as a party school, but I knew it wasn’t as bad they made it seem,” Aggarwal said.

Reid feels that international students are an asset to UM because they provide local students with a different perspective in the classroom setting. Also, they may spur domestic students to take study abroad sessions, which is a goal of the UM faculty.

For more information, contact Mark Reid at mreid@miami.edu, or visit the Office of International Admissions in Merrick 214.

Reeva Oza can be contacted at r.oza@umiami.edu.

NEWS BRIEFS

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New features on SG site

Under the management of a new webmaster, the UM Student Government [SG] website will be updated weekly and will contain the latest information on who is in SG, projects, Senate meeting minutes and how to get involved in SG activities and committees. In addition, the SG Constitution, once ratified, will be available on the website. Students are encouraged to check the up-to-date SG website to see what SG is doing and how to get involved. Please email any questions to studentgovernment@miami.edu.
Latin food on pre-sale

Like Latin food? The Nicaraguan Student Association is having a pre-sale for a full Latin meal [charbroiled beef, rice and beans, salad, and fried plantains]. Pay $5.50 by Feb. 27 and pick up your food in the UC on Mar. 2 starting at 12 p.m. Email um_nicas@hotmail.com or call 305-773-6588 to order.

Library to offer online help

In cooperation with the Association of Southeastern Research Libraries [ASERL], the Otto G. Richter Library will be offering online chat reference assistance 82 hours per week. Ask-A-Librarian uses instant messaging to contact librarians at ASERL libraries who help patrons find answers to their questions quickly and easily and search databases. Chat reference assistance is available during the following hours: Monday-Thursday 8 a.m. – 9 p.m., Friday 8 a.m. – 8 p.m., Saturday 9 a.m. – 5 p.m. and Sunday 9 a.m. – 9 p.m. For more information about the Ask-A-Librarian project, contact Carrie Leslie at 305-284-4042 or at cleslie@miami.edu. Ask-A Librarian can be found at http://www.library.miami.edu/Questionpoint/patronchat2.htm.
NHMA awards UM Nursing

The School of Nursing and Dean Nilda Peragallo, R.N., Dr.P.H., F.A.A.N., will receive the Hispanic Health Leadership Award at the National Hispanic Medical Association’s annual conference in Washington, D.C., next month. Hispanic physicians who participated in the White House National Health Care Reform Task Force effort established the National Hispanic Medical Association [NHMA] in 1994. The mission of the NHMA is to improve health care for Hispanics and underserved communities.
New support groups at UM

The Psychological Services Center on the Coral Gables campus is starting three support groups over the next couple weeks:
* 12-week support group for overweight adults who have struggled with dieting and emotional overeating. The group will meet Tuesdays from 5 to 6:30 p.m. The cost is $120. Ask for Jamie Lewis or Jose Sandoval.
* 10-week adolescent support group for middle school girls. The cost is $120. Ask for Sara Wimberly or Jessica Valenzuela.
* Weekly coed support group for high school juniors and seniors. The cost is $40 per month. Ask for Karen Kaczynski or David Kinsigner.
For more information, call 305-284-4265, extension 0.
UM receives provisional animal care accreditation

The University has received provisional accreditation by the Association for Assessment and Accreditation of Laboratory Animal Care. UM joins more than 650 institutions worldwide that have demonstrated their commitment to excellence in animal care and use. All of UM’s campuses went through a rigorous review and an extensive site visit process. The University is in the process of renovating some facilities on the medical campus, and full accreditation is anticipated when these are completed.

RESEARCH REWARDED $CASH PRIZES$
The deadline for submission of abstracts for the Graduate Student Association’s Research & Creativity Forum is March 5. For more information, go online to www.miami.edu/rcf.

There’s a new club on campus! Join the Field Hockey Club and help promote awareness, good sportsmanship, and teamwork. The objectives of the Field Hockey Club are to educate students about the sport and history of field hockey, develop skills, and maintain physical fitness through its practices and friendly competition. Practices are every Tuesday and Friday, from 4 p.m. to 6 p.m. at the Yaron Athletic Fields. Practices and scrimmages are open to all levels. For more information, contact Kristen Goodrich at 305-689-4199.

Interested in being involved with the Hispanic heritage Month 2004? Advisor Ms. Nanette Vega, Assistant Director of Multicultural Student Affairs [MSA], is currently accepting applications for the executive board. For more information, please contact MSA at 305-284-2855 or at nvega@miami.edu. Don’t miss out on this great opportunity to learn more about the Hispanic culture.

The Ibis yearbook is in need of writers. The theme of the book this year is school spirit, and they want to include as many voices and reactions as possible in the book. The Ibis covers anything and everything that takes place on campus, and even things off campus, like summer blockbusters, or the World Series. Everyone is encouraged to submit their stories, even if they think it’s not something that would be included. The stories are usually 250 through 300 words, but it is also okay if the articles are more, as that is something that can be worked with. There are plenty of assignments that need to be covered, and stories that are printed in the yearbook are considered published work, so it looks great on resumes! The Ibis yearbook wins awards every year, why not be a part of it? All quotes and stories can be sent to ibiswriter@hotmail.com or dropped off at the yearbook office in the UC 229. Include your name, year, and an e-mail address.

A BODY EMBRACED

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On Thursday afternoon, over 125 students joined hands to “hug the lake,” a result of a three-day, love-spreading endeavor headed by a Canadian student visiting campus and his UM friends.

According to flyers taped on patio tables throughout campus, hugging Lake Osceola was an effort by “people intent on joy and unity trying to bring the campus together.”

“Look around – everyone has a smile on their face,” said Turner Kirk, freshman, as he held hands with his peers during the event. “And what’s not to smile about?”

Although the human chain never succeeded in fully circling the lake, participants remained in good spirits, continually encouraging onlookers to hug the lake.

“It’s a shame that we have enough students on campus to make two circles around the lake, but we can’t even make one – or half of one,” Daidre Azueta, freshman, said.

The “hug the lake” concept is the brainchild of Mike Yeomans, a psychology major visiting from the University of Toronto, along with a group of UM music students and Yeomans’ former classmate J.J. Matelski.

According to Yeomans, the idea stemmed from a discussion of Miami’s “utopian atmosphere.”

“We expected to either completely circle the lake or be totally off,” Yeomans said. “But there’s no way you can lose – if one person grabs a hand and takes initiative to show happiness, then it’s all worth it.”

Nick Kruge, involved in publicizing the event, said interest was built by writing chalk messages on the campus sidewalks, distributing flyers and posting up signs on every floor of Stanford and Hecht.

Word-of-mouth advertising was also used, as Kruge and others made announcements in their classes and throughout the dorms.

“There was no real purpose for hugging the lake,” Kruge said. “It was just for fun, campus unity and to see if circling the entire lake could be done.”

Reasons for taking part in the event were unique to each individual.

Bryson Barns saw it as “a chance to hang out with other free-spirited people,” while Bryan Bindman had “an appreciation of togetherness.”

Other students saw it as an easy way to spread the love on campus.

“I got off work early to be here,” Adrien Theuer, senior, said. “I look at all these people rushing to get to class, and all I can think is, I’d never miss a hug.”

Music student Andrew Maguire thought that playing music during the event would be a good idea, so he and three other music students provided a live soundtrack of percussion and acoustic guitar by the lake.

Yeomans says he has no intention of making this a national trend.

“I have books at home – I can’t do this every week,” Yeomans said.

Perhaps the entire lake can be encircled next year, as there’s currently talk of establishing an annual “Hug the Lake” tradition.

Jorge Arauz can be contacted at j.arauz@umiami.edu; Fizaa Dosani can be contacted at f.dosani@umiami.edu.

SCANDALSHEET

BOUNCY BOUNCY
So apparently Pam Anderson was frolicking in South Beach this weekend, seen at Priv with party girl Tara Reid, and allegedly she got into a fight with a fellow sun worshipper. We just hope Pamela had the time of her life running and playing in the sand of our beloved SoBe.

WHOLE NEW LEVEL
And because the beach is teeming with life…
The Beach’s beloved club Level has been replaced by Mansion. Made to look like exactly that, Mansion is covered by brick, a gate and moss. Hit up The Strokes concert in March to party.

SINFULLY PURE
Also, in downtown, Miami has apparently become Pure…boasting Pure fun, Pure atmosphere, and most of all Pure nightlife, Pure is making sure that they are being heard. No word yet on whether Saturday night’s club opening was a success.

Anton in Show Business: Looking for laughs? Knock on another door.

The entertainment industry loves to satirize itself, from Scary Movie and Moulin Rouge to 42nd Street and the Ring’s season closer, Sweet Charity. But there is a more serious side to theatrical productions, even “serious comedic satire” like that displayed in the all-women production of Anton in Show Business.

The plot follows the lives of three actresses: Lizabette (Lindsay Levine), the annoying peppy novice, Jackey (Gayle Lopez), the jaded veteran stage actress, and Holly (Kathryn Lower), the famous television actress who is paying her dues on stage to get more coveted movie roles. They face racist directors, unnecessary sexual trysts, shady corporate sponsors, and an interruptive “audience representative” (Brooke Lynne White).

The Ring’s press release describes the play as “a comical exercise in how not to stage a classic,” a description that brings to mind lighter fare like Noises Off, except this play is really a series of pretentious lectures meant to educate us cultureless barbarians about the purpose, inner workings, and inherent chauvinism of modern theatre. Think The Vagina Monologues meets A Chorus Line. I’m not saying it’s not entertaining or well acted, just a bit preachy and not quite what it’s advertised as.

A problem vexing me about the show is when the actors are interrupted by White’s character. Who do the actors (now out of character), reacting to White, become while the director gets to stay in character? Unfortunately that’s not the only plot hole, as other subplots are introduced but never wrapped up. For example, what happened to the wager between Holly and Jacky at the beginning of the play?

I found that the technical side of this play is almost the exact opposite of The Cherry Orchard. The set was a non-descript collection of black chairs, boxes, and tables surrounded by a mainly gray audience. The lighting and sound were very good with harmless country sounds played at intermission.

Maybe I’m the wrong gender and age group to appreciate this kind of work, but do we really need a speech after the play ends on how “theatre should bring people together” to a packed house? Some of the seniors in the audience had already fallen asleep, and if the director had tacked on another sermon I probably would have joined them. Oh well, there’s always Sweet Charity…

Jonathan Twiggar can be contacted at j.twiggar@umiami.edu.

THEATER REVIEWS Picking cherries at The Cherry Orchard: Poor rich folk entertain audience

Anybody who has watched daytime television knows that the rich have it tough. However, the once prosperous and now bankrupt have it worse, as evidenced by reality television, and The Cherry Orchard playing this week at the Jerry Herman Ring theatre.

The story involves the return of the Ranyevskaya to their estate in rural Russia in 1901 to sell their beloved cherry orchard. A process that most of the family, especially the nostalgic Madame (Ariana Shore) and her eccentric brother Gayev (Christian Mansfield), would rather avoid. Their refusal to listen to the advice of fellow landowner and venture capitalist Lopahkin (Glen De Kler) leads to the ultimate tragedy of the play.

Chekhov, as they announced before the show started, gets a bad rap on campuses. He is lauded by academics, but students find him dry, boring, and dead. While translator Michael Frayn (Noises Off) does a really good job of keeping the audience laughing, many of the play’s minor characters are grossly under utilized. Also, Frayn seems to have retooled some of the characters that I just finished over analyzing for my World Literature class, for instance, changing Firs (Nick Koziura) from the bitter butler to the beleaguered babysitter, and younger footman Yasha (Matt Herell, a vast improvement over his showing in Twelfth Night) from lazy drunk to elitist cad.

The acting was all right, but there weren’t any real breakthrough performances. The actors were either trying too hard (like Shore), slightly under playing, or just average. There were parts that were completely inaudible from my vantage point in the 4th row, but were apparently mildly funny judging from the audience in the cross section.

The set was sparse with four rugs and a few pieces of furniture, including a miniature of the estate house placed at the center of the stage. Unfortunately the lighting was harsh and uninspired, resembling more the glaring spotlights of A Chorus Line than the subtle beauty of Twelfth Night. The sound and music were soft and quiet, but still had an obviously canned sound to them.

I’m not saying this is a bad play, but it does have some annoying flaws. The lighting and sound can probably be easily fixed. This wasn’t the best play I’ve seen at the Ring, but if you enjoyed Frayn’s Noises Off earlier this season and Twelfth Night, then The Cherry Orchard might be to your liking.

UM Student Admission is $6 for weeknights and matinees, $8 for Friday and Saturday nights. Tuesday nights are free and since two plays are in production now buy one play and get the other for one dollar. The box office number is 305-284-3355.

Jonathan Twiggar can be contacted at j.twiggar@umiami.edu.

ART Roving Fridays In Wynwood

Hailed as the “New South Beach” the Wynwood Art District is on the cutting edge. This Miami Beach Neighborhood is one of the oldest in Miami and has recently been transformed from a poor, industrial neighborhood to a budding artist colony with now over thirty contemporary galleries showcasing works by artists such as Art Basel and Dustin Orlando. The mix of the urban residential community with the modern galleries gives Wynwood certain energy, as if it were on the verge of something great, something radical.

Roving Fridays in Wynwood is a monthly art exhibit, but is much more than the stogy, forty plus crowd and museum setting that comes to mind when you think “art exhibit”. Located in Wynwood at 2632 N. Miami Ave., this is more of a party for the art enthusiast. Doors open at 8 p.m. and the assigned closing time is midnight, but the festivities continued well into the wee morning hours. A five dollar entry fee gets you in the door and access to the open bar, complements of Bacardi.

Producers of Roving Fridays, theyummiest.com and Objex Artspace, say there goal with each of their events is to “merge art, fashion, music, performers, spoken word, and video productions.” An alternative to the traditional art gallery format, it embraces Miami’s budding art scene by incorporating all aspects of art. Not only were paintings hanging on the walls, but live music by Jacobs Ladder and an eight piece Latin rap/reggae band filled the air, all while original clothing by local fashion designers were available for purchase, and an actor dressed as a painting preformed throughout the evening by merely being present. Drawn by the diversity of artistic outlets (and possibly the open bar), the crowd was itself truly diverse. Men pushing babies in strollers, college age students, and middle aged couples were all present, and all enjoying themselves.

Valet parking was provided, which was comforting given the still rough neighborhood. Once inside, the building was divided into two white walled, concrete floored rooms, and a fenced in outside area with the band and bar. The building housed close to one hundred pieces of art, showcasing over twenty different artists. The works were mostly street-style contemporary art. An off-beat, “no rules” mentality characterized the subject, influenced by everything from sex and political expression to surfers and skaters. The gallery was based more on tastes than on sales, with original art pieces ranging from $50 to $1,500. There is certainly not something for everyone, but the artists represented display innovative works based on what it is to be “cutting edge” and “underground”. Most of the artists are young and the work shows immaturity; it is developing art made by developing artists.

Whether you’re going to check out a great new painting or a hot date, Roving Fridays in Wynwood is a great evening out. The art is at least new and daring, making the viewer think twice, and if the art isn’t your interest, there is someone from every walk of life to meet. If you can’t wait a month to check out the Wynwood art scene, check out “Urban Recipes”, a mixed instillation by Joshua Levine, Michael Loveland, and Raymond Saa, presented by Rocket Projects. For directions and information, visit rocket-projects.com. There is more for students to the Miami art scene than meets the eye, check it out.

Jessica Sanders can be contacted at j.sanders@umiami.edu.

TV REVIEW Setting it STRAIGHT: Comedy Central’s new sitcom provides timely laughs

Comedy Central has struck again with another entry into its already impressive lineup of reality show spoofs. The channel that brought hilariously absurd programming like Contest Searchlight, I’m With Busey, and Reno 911 to airwaves has a new target when it comes to parodying reality shows. This time they’re after Bravo’s Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, a fairly easy target that was bound to get spoofed somewhere.

On Monday, Feb. 23, the network aired the first episode of Straight Plan for the Gay Man, a three-part series that will unfold in the coming weeks. The one-hour show features four straight comedians (“The Flaab Four”) who help gay men carry out their supposed dreams of seeing what a day of life is like for a straight guy.

The Flab Four is made up of Kyle Grooms, Curtis Gwynn, Billy Merritt, and Rob Riggle, four not-too-recognizable comedians who haven’t hit it big yet. Grooms is the most notable, from Comedy Central shows like Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn and Premium Blend. In the first show, the guys attempted to turn extremely gay fashion executive Jonathan into a tough meatpacker.

While this show sets out to poke fun at the popular Bravo program of similar name, it really excels by pointing out all the little stereotypical differences between straight and gay men and exploiting them. In Jonathan’s episode, the guys teach him important straight-man lessons like blaming failures on other people, taking joy in the misfortunes of your friends, and shopping at the Salvation Army.

The show has tons of great setups, whether it’s a scene with ultra-trendy Jonathan picking out his wardrobe from piles of used clothing, or one of the comedians redecorating Jonathan’s fashionable apartment with things he finds in the dumpster outside. Although the four comedians tend to go for the obvious joke almost all the time, there are still quite a few laughs and enough to make the show a success.

Contest Searchlight, a fictional parody of the popular Project Greenlight, debuted a couple years ago to mass confusion among Comedy Central viewers. Not many realized that what they were watching was supposed to be ridiculous and that it wasn’t a legitimate reality show. The same is true for I’m With Busey, a brilliant satire on celebrity life that alienated lots of viewers by refusing to admit it was faked. If the show had been marketed differently, Busey would have been heralded as a genius for his amazing performance as a whacked-out version of his celebrity image.

The most popular of Comedy Central’s reality show parodies is Reno 911, a hilarious cop show that has a second season on the way. The format of all of these shows allows for a lot of improv comedy, as it fits perfectly with the documentary style the shows aim for. So instead of doing normal sketch comedy like Kids in the Hall or bizarre sitcom-inspired weirdness like the Upright Citizens Brigade, a really talented comedy troupe could take on reality shows and be a big hit, especially with the edgy Comedy Central audience.

Straight Plan for the Gay Man is a good show, but not a great one. The best comedy in it comes from the ideas, not from the Flab Four, whose execution of these setups is as sloppy as Jonathan’s apartment after a straight guy makeover. Fans of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy should definitely watch, as it’s a funny enough tribute/spoof of that show. But after the three episodes of Straight Plan are long forgotten, the heart of Comedy Central’s programming will still lie with truly innovative and hysterical shows like Chappelle’s Show, Crank Yankers, and The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

Shawn Wines can be contacted at s.wines@umiami.com

It isn’t always GREENER…

Shut your eyes and think Brazil. Now down two Caipirinha’s, grimace away the sour lime juice on your tongue and read on.

Saturday night the Design District’s hotspot Grass turned Brazil’s yearly Samba-induced four day-long flesh-fest, Carnival, into a few hours of the same thing- minus the bare breasts.

DJ/Producer Stan Kolev spun a good mix of techno spiced up with Brazilian tribal drum beats and old-school sounding Brazilian hits.

The signature random clumps of grass on the sleek black tables just happened to add a hint of the Amazon as did the open air setting and huge Tahitian tiki hut that covered most of the club. But the authenticity of the whole thing was lost in the obnoxious hypocritical mingling of local know-whos. The skeazy old men with their gorgeous 12-year-old girlfriends took away from the experience, but they quickly made their way toward the typical South Beach-style bar with their dates for a few pre-shagging cocktails- out of sight, out of mind.

Carnival is all about celebrating Brazil’s all-accepting soul, but you had to pretend the place wasn’t pretentious to have a good time at this exaggeratedly sophisticated Amazon wannabe. However Grass still had the gall to try to imitate the greatest party on Earth and that says a lot.

At around midnight, two peacock-looking Brazilian goddesses Sambaed their way through the 200-plus crowd grabbing anyone lack luster and forcing them to gyrate awkwardly in a makeshift circle of sweat-slicked Samba-blooded drunk partiers. The music was accented with live Portuguese one-liners and the sloppy slurping sounds of mingling tongues.

Later, a poor-buck Brazilian Conga line snaked its way around the hyped-up crowd, dying off as the drunk Conga-liners stumbled off toward the exit, confused and disappointed, probably from the fact that they didn’t know how to move like a Brazilian.

Props to Grass for trying to put some sort of a Carnival experience together even though two sparkly dancers, a largely Brazilian crowd and a few Brazilian jams can’t possibly compare to Brazil’s biggest party. Two hours after the party started, I said ciao to the still-packed club and headed home.

Truth is, pretentiousness aside, Grass put on a good show. Brazilians live most of their life according to some sort of secret Carnival Creed and Grass’ bash was just a typical Brazilian party with a theme and a good soundtrack. Maybe next year the ladies will flash more than just their pearly whites.

Jorge Arauz can be contacted at j.arauz@

umiami.edu.

Track and field making noise in ’04

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The track and field teams have showed some success early this season and despite their budget difficulties, they are ready to show the Big East that they can leave the conference at the end of the year on a high note.

In the second meet of the season on Feb. 1, distance runner Matt Mulvaney topped the 5,000-meter race at the Gator Invitational in Gainesville in a time of 15:02.34. In the 55-meter event, sophomore Terrell Walden finished third (6.32 seconds), freshman Devin Hester got seventh (6.36 seconds), and junior Tanard Davis held onto eighth with a time of 6.37 seconds.

The men visited Clemson University in South Carolina last weekend for the Tiger Invitational. They qualified seven team members, including three sprinters and one pole-vaulter for the Big East Championships, which takes place at Syracuse University in New York this weekend, where both the men and women will be participating.

In the 60-meter event, Walden took third place with a time of 6.77 seconds, while Davis placed 15th with 6.95 seconds and Hester, also a member of the football team, finished in 7.02 seconds (24th place). Pole-vaulter Jon Mark reached 4.70 meters, placing second.

“We’re a little bit better outdoors than indoors because of where we are geographically,” men’s Head Coach Mike Ward said. “The Big East schools in the northeast are used to running inside whereas we’re more of an outdoor, warm weather team.”

The women’s team graced the campus of the University of Arkansas last weekend in Fayetteville for the Tyson Invitational. All-American Lauryn Williams automatically qualified for the NCAA Championships on March 12 and 13 in Fayetteville.

Williams broke the school record-her record-in the 200-meter with a time of 23.24 seconds. The time was the third fastest in the nation. She also placed fourth in the 60 meter at 7.23 seconds and finished as a part of a 4×400 relay in 3:34.45. The 4×400 meter relay team of freshman Ginou Etienne, sophomore All-Americans Charlette Greggs and Dominique Darden, and senior All-American Kitoya Carter finished in third place behind Texas and Florida. The relay team is the top seed heading into the Big East Championships this weekend. In the 200-meter, Greggs finished fifth in 23.56 seconds while Darden held onto 13th place with 23.94 seconds. In the long jump, junior Amber Williams grabbed fifth with a jump of 5.81 meters. Junior Chinela Davis earned eighth with a jump of 5.66 meters.

The NCAA Championships at the University of Arkansas are on the horizon in mid March after the Big East Championships take place this Saturday and Sunday at Syracuse University.

“[This weekend] we have an opportunity to win the 60-meter and the long jump,” Ward said.

However, the lack of scholarships for track and field appears to have played a large part in the team’s results. Fully funded programs have over six times as many athletes on scholarship than UM.

“A school like Clemson has 13 guys on scholarship and we have two,” Ward said. “We are talking about [more funding for track] but I don’t really anticipate anything happening.”

Melissa Teich can be contacted at m.teich1@umiami.edu.

Briefs

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The University of Miami swimming and diving team will head to East Meadow, N.Y. to take part in the 2004 Big East Swimming and Diving Championships Thursday, Feb. 19 through Saturday, Feb. 21 at the Nassau County Aquatics Center.

The Hurricanes will send a total of 15 swimmers and divers to compete in 22 events at the three-day championships, including two-time All-American junior Miguel Velazquez the defending Big East Champion in the one-meter and three-meter springboard as well as the Big East’s Most Outstanding Diver in 2003.

Velazquez, along with freshman Derek Starks, will look to improve on Miami’s impressive run at the Big East Championships that has saw the Hurricane diving team win at least diving championship since 1992, while sweeping both the men’s and women’s titles every year since 1997 under the guidance of head diving coach Randy Ableman.

The UM women’s team will look to improve on a third-place finish at the 2003 Big East Championships.

First-year head swimming coach Mariusz Podkoscielny will lead eleven swimmers to the 2004 meet including junior Katalin Ferenczi who will compete in the 100-yard and 200-yard backstroke as well as the 200-yard IM. Earlier this season at the Minnesota Invitational, Ferenczi tied the school record, which she also held, in the 100-yard backstroke with a time of 57.26.

The Hurricane swim team will also look to a number of newcomers, with a total of six freshman swimmers competing including Nancy Gajos and Tara Erwin. Gajos qualified for the 100-yard butterfly with a time of 55.54, the second fastest in the conference and Erwin touched in with the Big East’s second best time in the 1650-yard freestyle with a mark of 16:45.58. Gajos will also compete in the 200-yard butterfly and the 200-yard freestyle while Erwin will compete in the 500-yard freestyle.

Miami will also send swimmers sophomore Adrien Ferguson (200 IM, 400 IM, 200-yard butterfly), freshman Lindsey Fox (50-yard freestyle), freshman Kristen Lunak (400 IM, 200-yard breaststroke), junior Lindsay Knapp (400 IM, 100-yard backstroke, 200-yard backstroke), freshman Ashley Knapp (200-yard freestyle, 100-yard backstroke, 200-yard backstroke), freshman Andrea Hughes (100-yard butterfly, 200-yard butterfly, 200-yard freestyle), sophomore Martyna Krawczyk (100-yard breaststroke, 200-yard breaststroke) and junior Colleen Adkins (100-yard breaststroke, 200-yard breaststroke) to compete for the Big East title.

Two-time All-American Emily Spychala, along with freshman Heather Bounds, will compete in the one-meter springboard, three-meter springboard and platform diving championships for the UM women’s dive squad.

The 2004 championships are slated to begin on Thursday at 10:30 a.m.

-Compiled by the sports information department.