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EXTRA

Yale Exposed

Natalie Krinsky, a 22-year-old Yale graduate and young novelist, has finally shown the world that Yale isn’t all about algorithms and chemistry experiment. Her book Chloe does Yale takes readers through a slew of drunken hook-ups, parties, and incidences with nudity. Who would have thought Yale students were so wild?

Apples and Oranges

Hillary Swank, esteemed actress and overall a beautiful woman, was fined recently for breaching New Zealand’s quarantine laws by not declaring some apples and oranges that she was caring on her travels. So much for staying healthy with fruit.

In memory of Pope John Paul II.

CD REVIEW – N2U Issues

N2U is the latest buzz in the R&B music scene. The group, made up of Chris Buck, 25, Mark Richard, 21, Don Lee Samuels, 20, and Antonio Avant, 25.

The first single on the album is “Baby Mama Love,” which features Jermaine Dupri, is reminiscent of the music of R&B singer Dave Hollister. This song is about taking car of your son although you are no longer with your baby mama. It is also about a girl who is always there for you. The second single, “Issues,” is slower than the first. It is about admitting that your relationship has problems and choosing to work those problems out. “Beauty” is a song about inner beauty: “without honesty or loyalty, you can only be a common enemy.” “Breaking the Law” is a sensual song about love-making. “Coming from the Heart” is one of my personal favorites. The lyrics are very poetic: “You’re the color in the picture” and “You’re my sunlight in early dawn.”

N2U’s debut album is in stores now. Most of the songs are written by Kenny Whitehead (Marques Houston) and The Underdogs (Toni Braxton and Michael Jackson). This group is fresh, its songs are motivating, and its stories are meaningful.

Sandra Remilien can be contacted at s.remilien@umiami.edu.

Subleasing? Get in and get out

If you’re having trouble finding someone to sublease your place while you’re away, subleaser.com might have the answer: “get in or get out.”

This innovative website, which promises to conveniently help students save time and money, is a new user-friendly online service that lets students search for off-campus listings nationwide and post their own subleases as well.

“Our goal is for [the website] to make the whole subleasing process painless,” said founder Justin Baldwin, a graduate from the University of Alabama. “We just want you to be able to find a place, [for] people to make informed decisions.”

Launched only two weeks ago, the site already hosts hundreds of listings from students in colleges across Florida. And it’s slowly making its way to our campus thanks to its easy, Facebook-meets-eBay-style system.

Here’s how it works: To search for subleases, students select a state and college, which pulls up any listings for that campus. Students then have access to the information posted by the leasers.

To post a listing, which is free for a limited time, students must fill out a profile with details like name, address, price per month, number of bedrooms and any amenities. And for $2, up to four pictures of the housing can be posted.

In addition, for an extra $2 a listing can be featured, meaning it will show up above all the other listings in a colored banner when a search is run for that campus.

“It’s a lot cheaper than printing flyers and spending your time putting them around campus,” said Baldwin. “We’re basically doing the marketing for you. Millions of people see [your listing].”

The website also offers a variety of informational articles, ranging from basic how-to guides for beginners to fun tips on how to customize the ultimate college pad.

“It’s not an uptight site at all. It’s got a great college feel,” Baldwin said. “It’s just a matter of time before word gets out to the major universities.”

Rafael Sangiovanni can be contacted at r.sangiovanni@umiami.edu.

Scannable humans? The future of South Beach

Imagine living in a world similar to that of Minority Report or I, Robot, where credit cards and driver licenses are products of yesteryear and individual privacy no longer exists. Allow South Florida’s Applied Digital Systems to present its latest invention: scannable humans.

Applied Digital Systems has developed an implantable identification microchip known as VeriChip, which was approved for human use by the Food and Drug Administration in October 2004. The chip is a Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) micro transponder and is the size of a grain of rice. Each chip carries a unique verification number which sends information back to special reading devices. In humans, the chip is inserted below the skin in the upper arm through a syringe.

Deemed as the “spy chip,” the RFID can currently transmit information to special reader through most substances up to 30 feet away. The RFID technology, however, is not new, and has been used for commercial tracking purposes, electronic toll collection, animal identification and more for some time.

In the United States the chip is approved for medical usage; it can contain information such as blood type and allergy information to aid medical practitioners incase of an event where patients have fallen unconscious or suffer from Alzheimer’s disease and can not provide the necessary information.

However, thanks to the innovative approach other nations have taken in VeriChip usages, its future in the United States may soon expand to include applications in security and financial arenas.

Baja Beach Club in Barcelona, Spain, has established a system where club patrons link their VeriChip to their credit cards to pay for the evening’s drinks. This concept was also featured on an episode of CSI: Miami, when a clubber used the chip to carry her credit card information while partying on South Beach. Additionally, Mexico has used VeriChip to regulate admission into government buildings and implanted it into some of the attorney general’s staff members.

Although not widespread in use, Applied Digital Systems believes that VeriChip will soon become the way of the future. According to an NBC news report, the Jacob’s family of Coral Springs, Fla., is the first family to be implanted with the chip. The father, mother and son each have an individual chip on which they stored telephone numbers and information about medications.

Although approved for human use, the FDA has warned consumers of possible side effects in a letter, available at www.sec.gov. Such effects could include “adverse tissue reaction; migration of implanted transponder; compromised information security; failure of implanted transponder; failure of inserter; failure of electronic scanner; electromagnetic interference; electrical hazards; magnetic resonance imaging incompatibility and needle stick.”

While the days of phone books, medical tags and checkbooks look secure for now, VeriChip and other space age technology are out there and waiting for society to gear up and progress towards the science fiction world once only found in books and movies.

Bari Lieberman can be contacted at b.lieberman@umiami.edu.

SNL veteran talks about her Sweet Madness

Ana Gasteyer, on a promotional tour of her new Showtime original movie-musical, Reefer Madness, hit UM Thursday night. The Cinematic Arts Commission, part of Hurricane Productions, brought the free screening at Cosford Theatre to UM.

The film, which takes place in the 1930s, is a spoof on a wildly inaccurate anti-marijuana propaganda film from the same decade, of the same name. “[This version is] part camp, part horror, and part movie-musical, with slight political undertones, depending on who’s watching,” explained Gasteyer. The film is a movie within a movie; within a film lecture for parents of a small, American town is the story that chronicles the fall of Jimmy Harper (Christian Campbell), a 16-year-old who wants nothing more than to learn to dance for his squeaky-clean sweetheart, Mary Lane (Kristen Bell). Seduced by Jack Stone (Steven Weber), a smooth-talking pot-pusher, Jimmy spirals into “reefer madness,” and suffers his fair share of trouble.

Gasteyer, best known to the UM population for her six years on Saturday Night Live and recently as Lindsay Lohan’s mom in Mean Girls, plays Mae Coleman, the girlfriend of Jack and hostess of Reefer Den, the smoky, sinful home of drug-seduction in Reefer Madness. “She’s an addict with a heart of gold,” Gasteyer said of her character. “She’s down on her luck and takes a wrong turn for guys. She’s very maternal, as seen by her actions with Jimmy [the young, conflicted hero] and the younger drug addicts.”

With its 16 musical numbers, Reefer Madness is one of the most complicated musicals to ever be filmed for television. Gasteyer, who is no stranger to musicals, had to develop her fair share of challenging skills for her role, for which she spent a considerable amount of time spattered in prosthetic blood.

“[The bloodwork] was annoying. I was covered in corn syrup for about three weeks, which was like being covered in pancake syrup. I was tap-dancing, so I’d sweat, and my hair would turn into cotton candy while I was wearing this horrible polyester dress,” she said. “It was pretty miserable, but it’s better than a fat suit!”

Gasteyer also did most of her stunt work, which involved what she described as “funky bowstaff work in ’30s period costumes and glamour makeup and hair.”

Originally a music major in college, Gasteyer has taken on musical roles on SNL and the stage, but the pressure of filming a musical was one of the obstacles she had to overcome. “I was working under extreme conditions: 14-hour workdays, choreography on weekends, and we had to lay down the music first,” she explained. “It was harder than SNL in a daily way because there was a lot to be covered, but that’s what made it great.”

As a musical, Reefer Madness charms its audience with its intentionally cheesy dancing and lyrics. The songs, such as the opening number, “Reefer Madness,” which features Alan Cumming, of Josie and the Pussycats and Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion, as “The Lecturer” are catchy and well performed. His scenes, which are in black and white, punctuate the Technicolor scenes of the actual plotline.

Early, idyllic scenes of the movie are straight out of a hybrid of Pleasantville and Bye Bye Birdie with the boyishly charming, dimpled Campbell’s portrayal of Jimmy and Bell’s angelic blonde ringlets, bright eyes, and crystal-clear soprano that bring Mary to life. “Down at the Ol’ Five and Dime,” a dance number in the malt shop run by Miss Poppy (Neve Campbell in too-small role for all her wrinkle-your-nose glory), the young couple effectively captures the innocence of their pre-reefer town.

Reefer Den, Gasteyer’s realm within the film, is replete with unsavory characters from the wiley, absuve Jack to the Animal House-esque, doped-up frat boy Ralph, complete with bloodshot eyes and a maniacal laugh. Here, the audience also meets Sally, the sultry seductress of Reefer Den who hooks Jimmy on pot with her sexual allure. The roles of Sally and Mae are reminiscent of the great female screen heroines of the 1930s. “They were great, archetypal roles,” said Gasteyer.

Gasteyer takes Mae, one of the secondary characters of the film, and easily uses finely honed comic genius to transform her into easily the most hilarious, memorable role. Her breathy voice builds its strength through her song, “The Stuff” to finally reach a crescendo as she belts, “The fun escapes me / When Jack gets stoned and rapes me!” out the window of her home, which the audience met with laughs.

Reefer Madness is replete in its unconventional irreverence. Everything is in here, from a loincloth-clad, Tom Jones-like Jesus with a harem of angel-harlots to an S & M scene that makes the brazen sexuality of Rocky Horror pale in comparison. Unfortunately, “everything” includes way too many scenes of male posteriors. While this is Miami, where Speedos and thongs rule on South Beach, the butt-cheek overload of several scenes of Reefer Madness drew cringes from the audience. The kitschiness and purposely over-the-top 1930s dialogue are artfully done in this film, but the contemporary audience, at least that of the college-age set, will eventually grow tired of a movie that requires so much appreciation of the culture of a virtually unknown decade.

As a campy, part-horror film, Reefer Madness was bound to be full of blood and gore, but after a while, the zombie-like pot-fiends get downright disgusting, especially with Ralph’s cannibalistic case of the munchies that ends with a half-eaten Sally. With the combination of the booty-overload and gross factor, Reefer Madness starts to feel as if it will last longer than the first drag on a fat joint.

All in all, while the film showcases its cast’s unmistakable musical and comedic talent, Reefer Madness is best as what it is marketed as: a made-for-cable-TV movie. While the stage production enjoyed a lengthy run in Los Angeles, most cities will not be ready for the shocks that the show is sure to bring. With a specialized cable television audience, Reefer Madness is likely to experience the same success and may even grow to become a Rocky Horror-esque cult classic, but don’t tune to Showtime on April 16 if sodomy, blood-spatters and jungle orgies are too much too handle.

As for Gasteyer, look for her next as Elphaba in this summer’s Chicago production of Wicked, the saga of The Wizard of Oz’s Wicked Witch of the West.

Hannah Bae can be contacted at h.bae@umiami.edu.

Briefs – SWIMMING AND DIVING * VOLLEYBALL

Swimming & Diving

University of Miami divers Jenna Dreyer and Miguel Velazquez became the first-ever recipients of the Atlantic Coast Conference Diver of the Year award when the conference announced the men’s and women’s ACC swimming and diving honors Wednesday. All awards were determined by a vote of the league’s head coaches.

Dreyer, a Port Elizabeth, South Africa, native, placed sixth on the one-meter board at the NCAA Championship to earn first-team All-America honors. The freshman also garnered honorable mention All-America accolades on the three-meter and 10-meter platform boards. Dreyer was awarded All-Conference honors for her first-place finish on the one-meter board and second-place finish on the three-meter board. She was named the ACC Diver of the Meet, having set a new ACC Championship record with a score of 320.75 on the one-meter board.

Velazquez, a native of Mexico City, Mexico, was named a first-team All-American after placing third on the 10-meter platform board and fifth on the three-meter board at the NCAA Championship. He also earned honorable mention All-America honors for his performance on the one-meter board. Velazquez, a senior, was named the ACC Diver of the Meet, having placed first on both the one and three-meter boards at the ACC Championship.

Volleyball

The University of Miami volleyball squad took part in a Spring match against Northwestern at the South Florida Spring Tournament Saturday, March 26.

The Hurricanes and the Wildcats performed drills in the morning before playing a three-game match in the afternoon.

Head coach Nicole Lantagne Welch was pleased with the team’s performance in their second match of the spring, “Our passing is progressing. We are definitely getting stronger and improving in all areas.”

Lantagne Welch was impressed with the play of redshirt sophomore Frannie Savage, sophomore Ann Gallo and junior Katalin Kozak.

“Frannie Savage had a great day playing middle the entire time. She is getting to be really consistent and is cutting down on her errors. She is becoming a very smart player,” Lantagne Welch said.

The Hurricanes continue spring practice and will next face Barry, last season’s NCAA Division II Champions, Florida International and Florida Atlantic in the Knight Sports Complex on April 9.

INTRAMURALS

The deadline to enter in the first ever Crazy Soccer Tournament is today by 5 p.m. The tournament is indoor soccer played at the Wellness Center with five balls in play at once.

Basketball Playoffs

Men’s ‘B’ Division

The Department – 43

(B Champions)

Team Breakfast – 33

Men’s ‘A’ Division

The H – 67 (A Champion)

Game-Cocks – 27

Co-Rec Division

Wet R Bandits – 52

(Co Champions)

Tortfeasors – 47

Panhellenic Division

Delta Phi Epsilon – 41

(Panhellenic Champ)

Alpha Delta Pi – 21

Women’s Campus Championship

Da Squad – 27 (Women’s Champ)

Delta Phi Epsilon – 15

Greek Division

Lambda Chi Alpha – 54

(Greek Champion)

Sigma Phi Epsilon – 50

Men’s Campus Championship

The H – 62 (Men’s Champion)

Lambda Chi Alpha – 40

Preseason Softball Tournament Champions: The Outlaws

Labati firing a colossal mistake

Last week, the University of Miami announced that women’s basketball Head Coach Ferne Labati was going to be “relieved” of her coaching duties. The entire staff was let go, and the school is now in a search for a new basketball coach. My question is, why did this happen?

Labati has been here for 17 seasons and amassed an impressive 303-195 record, good for a .610 winning percentage. On top of that, she has had 12 winning seasons and led the Hurricanes to six NCAA Tournament appearances and three NIT appearances. She also led them to back-to-back Big East titles in the early 90s.

Her release was a surprise to many people, and I was definitely one of those who were shocked to hear the news. I will come right out and say what many people don’t want to hear: Labati should not have been fired.

I have had the privilege of dealing with Labati over my four years here, and I have to say she is not only a great person, but she really cared about this University and about winning. She cared about the girls on her basketball team and more importantly, she knew the game of basketball. She deserved better after 17 years of service than to be dismissed after one poor season.

Labati has taken the Hurricanes to the NCAA Tournament the last two seasons, and this year was her first losing season since 2000-2001. If you have any doubts that Labati can coach, look at her track record. She inherited a 14-13 team and in her first season went 21-8 and earned Miami, who was independent at the time, its first NCAA Tournament appearance.

In Miami’s first season of Big East play in 1991-92, Labati amassed a 30-2 record and took her team to the Sweet Sixteen. Labati was a good basketball coach and brought respect to a program that was always a non-factor.

Labati being fired is hard to stomach. This is the same school that had to think for over a month before firing Perry Clark, who had more than one losing season and was obviously overmatched. Even with Clark’s struggles, he almost kept his job, yet the University decides to get rid of Labati almost immediately after the women’s season ends.

This is the same place that has watched another women’s program, which I have previously written about, go down the tubes, yet that coach has kept her job despite getting worse almost every year and never surpassing the final season of the previous coach. Yet Labati was fired after one losing season in the last four years. Outside of football and baseball, there are very few University of Miami programs that have had winning seasons in 12 of the last 17 years.

Labati should not have been fired. It was a poor decision and obviously one that was not well thought out. It is people like Labati that this university needs to embrace and fight for. She took over a team that was nothing, that had never been to the NCAA Tournament, and took them there six different times in her career.

I am very interested to see whom the University hires to replace Labati. Usually, when someone gets fired, the school hires someone who has a better track record. So, I am going to expect Mr. Dee to hire someone who has a more proven history than Labati. That will be difficult, since Labati was one of only 39 coaches in Division I history to win 400 games in her career.

In conclusion, Labati’s firing was a disgrace, and anyone who follows sports at this university should be appalled and ticked off. I know I am.

Darren Grossman can be contacted at d.grossman@umiami.edu.

Ricky Orta shows vigor on and off the field

As a freshman last year, Ricky Orta pitched in one of the biggest games of the collegiate baseball season at the College World Series in Omaha, Neb. Not many freshmen, let alone players, get to play in a College World Series game.

“[The College World Series] is a lot bigger than I thought,” Orta said.

The 6’2”, 200-pound sophomore right-hander chose to stay in his hometown of Miami after graduating from Florida Christian in 2003. Earning the team’s MVP award in his last three seasons playing for the Patriots, Orta went from merely pitching as a sophomore to playing first base and pitching in his junior year. In his senior year, Orta went undefeated with a record of 8-0 and a 0.25 ERA. On the other side of the plate, Orta wielded a mean bat, hitting .447 with 15 home runs and 43 RBI’s.

Does this mean that in an emergency, Orta could play the field for an injured player if he’s not on the mound that night?

“No way, but I could still probably beat out [Danny] Robitaille for third,” Orta joked.

Orta’s local fan base is strong, buthis support system is also stable from pre-game, where his preparations include eating breakfast, listening to music and sharing a prayer with his dad before each start. All of this happens pretty early since the team shows up to Mark Light Field as early as 2:30 p.m. for a 7 p.m. game.

Other pre-game festivities the team partakes in include getting a famous milkshake from the stand between the main grandstands and the Ron Fraser building. Every player has a favorite, whether it is the traditional vanilla, chocolate or Orta’s choice.

“It’s called ‘one of his’, chocolate strawberry with double chocolate and whipped cream,” he said.

Known for being a great hurler of fastballs and curveballs, Orta’s confident in controlling the game, but like any athlete, it’s difficult to be on top of your game every start.

“I can control all of my pitches, but depending on the day, sometimes only two will be working at the start but as you get into the game they all come naturally,” he said.

One thing Orta said he needs to improve on is getting a little more speed behind his fastball and as a sophomore, there is still time.

As dedicated as he is to the ‘Canes, baseball doesn’t take up all of Orta’s time year-round. Spear fishing is also a hobby of his. His prize catch is a 60-pound grouper he caught when he was in the Bahamas.

Instead of the Bahamas, Orta could be heading out west for another trip to Omaha for the College World Series. The stadium in Omaha is the Mecca of college baseball, as Williamsport, Penn., is the Mecca of Little League.

“You’re surrounded out there,” Orta said. “Instead of bleachers just being on the sides like here at ‘The Light’, there are people all around you, and when we were there, nobody wanted us to win of course. It was the most nervous I’ve ever been, but it was the most fun I’ve ever had.”

Rodolfo Tomarchio can be contacted at r.tomarchio@umiami.edu.

Tennis programs deep into ACC competition

While many of today’s top professional tennis players starred on Key Biscayne in the Nasdaq-100 Open, the UM men’s and women’s team showcased their own talents in a busy weekend of tennis at the Neil Schiff Tennis Center.

The men’s tennis team (9-7, 0-5 ACC) nearly picked up its first ACC victory on Sunday in a 4-3 loss to UNC. The ‘Canes dropped the doubles point and split three matches in a hard fought contest.

The surprising doubles duo of junior Tim Krebs and freshman Vivek Subramanian have won 11 consecutive matches, including an 8-3 victory over UNC’s No. 1 doubles team.

“I serve well and he returns well,” Krebs said. “We are both good at the net and if I have a weakness, it’s his strength.”

Freshman Ryan Waits led off the singles contest with a 6-3, 6-4 straight-set victory over UNC’s Sebastian Guejman, giving the ‘Canes an early 1-0 lead. Despite match points in two of the matches, the ‘Canes could only muster two more victories, leaving them one shy of their first ACC victory.

“We have played some very good tennis at some points in the season,” Head Coach Mario Rincon said. “In four out the five conference matches we have been in a situation where we should have won.”

Rincon said the team has been practicing hard and doing what it’s supposed to.

Waits, just a freshman, knows there is something special about chemistry of the team.

“We are all pretty close,” he said. “We feed off each other constantly and always very positive.”

It’s only a matter of time before it pays off.

“We still have five conference matches and the conference tournament,” Rincon said. “It takes one win that hasn’t come our way for us to start believing in ourselves.”

The ‘Canes will look for that win this Saturday at the University of Virginia.

Meanwhile, the women’s team seems to be in a rut it can’t get out of. However, after its 13th consecutive victory this Sunday, it’s one they don’t want to get out of.

The Hurricanes extended their home winning streak to 26 games with wins over University of South Florida and North Carolina State this weekend. Friday night’s match with USF was especially memorable for UM players Staci Stevens and Megan Bradley. It was their senior night.

Stevens came to UM four years ago, fresh off four consecutive Louisiana state championships. Bradley, who transferred from UCLA, recently received her third ACC performer of the week award and currently holds the No. 1 ranking in the country.

Behind the leadership of the two seniors, the ‘Canes racked up two more wins, running their record to 15-2 overall and a perfect 6-0 in the ACC.

Against N.C. State, Bradley took the doubles point early with an 8-2 victory along side Audrey Banada. She later followed with a 6-1, 6-2 victory in singles. Stevens teamed up with Melissa Applebaum to win 8-1 in doubles and 6-2, 6-4 in singles play.

The ‘Canes finish their season with a four match road trip, beginning Saturday at Duke.

Chris Hamilton can be contacted at c.hamilton@umiami.edu.

Slip-Up

The eighth-ranked Hurricanes received a tough blow this weekend when they faced off with another top 10 team in Georgia Tech. Miami dropped two out of three to the third-ranked Yellow Jackets in what many called its most important regular season series in quite some time.

On Friday night, Georgia Tech arrived at Mark Light Field winners of its last 25 ACC games and at the end of the night, Miami put that streak to rest as UM blew out the Jackets 20-1. In the strangest of first innings, Miami had seven runs on the board before getting their first hit. The Yellow Jackets needed three pitchers to get out of the first inning as Miami led 9-0 after the frame and never looked back.

Pitcher Cesar Carrillo shut down a Georgia Tech lineup that combined was hitting .357 and had scored in double figures in 14 of its first 23 games. Carrillo went seven innings, giving up one run on six hits and has his ERA sitting at 1.12. With his performance, Carrillo was named ACC pitcher of the week for the second time this season. The Hurricanes are now 27-0 when Carrillo has appeared in a game.

Saturday afternoon saw Miami fall behind early after starter Ricky Orta gave up four runs in the first inning. The ‘Canes came back and tied the score at five in the bottom of the fourth inning, but the Jackets broke it wide open thanks to a grand slam in the eighth inning and went on to win 17-7. Miami’s six pitchers yielded 22 hits on the day.

The rubber game of the series was much more of what fans expected. It featured five lead changes and 29 combined hits, yet the Hurricanes couldn’t hold on to a late lead and fell 11-10.

In a game with an inside the park homerun by Roger Tomas and a steal of home by Danny Figueroa, Georgia Tech benefited from a stiff wind blowing out of the ballpark. With the Hurricanes leading 9-6 in the eighth, the Yellow Jackets scored five runs, four earned, off of Miami closer Danny Gil to take an 11-9 lead. The ‘Canes stranded the tying run at second base in the bottom of the ninth.

Head Coach Jim Morris feels Sunday’s game was a tough pill to swallow.

“It’s a tough game to lose because it was a huge game for us. You’re up by three runs with two innings left and two runs with one inning left, you got to win those games,” Morris said.

The Hurricanes were without their best hitter average-wise: Jon Jay was held out of Sunday’s ballgame with a banged up hand.

Miami will now face Oral Roberts for its only four game series of the season starting Thursday night. The series will give the Hurricanes a break from the ACC schedule with an 8-4 record in conference play thus far. They find themselves three games behind the Yellow Jackets, who sit atop the standings.

Douglas C. Kroll can be contacted at d.kroll@umiami.edu.

As graduation nears, long live slackers

Prior to enrolling at UM I, much like most other students here, possessed a r