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Richter staffer at library for half a century

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Micky Tsouprake, 76, didn’t initially plan on spending 50 years of her life in a building full of books; just long enough for her husband, Ted Tsouprake, to graduate from the UM School of Law.
Yet 50 years later, she is still working at the Otto G. Richter Library as the supervisor of the periodical department. She helps record nearly 5,000 publications to which the University subscribes.
“The Richter Library is like my second home. I have spent as much time here as I do at home,” Tsouprake said.
When Tsouprake began working at Richter, the campus consisted of only three main buildings: Memorial, Merrick and Richter Library.
At a time when copying machines were nonexistent, Tsouprake remembers when UM had one of the only two dry-powdered Xerox machines in Miami.
Tsouprake most recently recalls when the library’s index card catalog was thrown away and replaced with digitalized references.
What has kept Tsouprake at Richter for so many years?
“The periodical staff has always been very cooperative and congenial. I enjoy working here because of them,” Tsouprake said. “I also never had any children, so it is nice to be in an atmosphere surrounded with so many bright young people.”
Students and coworkers have only good things to say about Tsouprake.
“Micky loves young people and is never afraid to learn, especially when it comes to the computer,” Karin Muniz, student, said.
“She is very knowledgeable, and she loves to share her knowledge and experiences with others,” Gladys Ramos, coworker, said. “I always feel that I can go to her for anything.”
Tsouprake’s sense of humor became apparent when the reporter of this article mentioned that this was her first article for The Miami Hurricane.
“Well, this is my first 50 years,” Touprake replied.
Currently, Touprake is not considering retirement, but she says she looks forward to traveling.
In fact, as a 50th anniversary gift from the library’s catalog department, Touprake was given two round-trip tickets to go anywhere in the world.
Although she has not yet decided where she will go, she mentioned that she will probably go on a Caribbean cruise.
As for her coworkers, they hope she returns from her trip.
“Micky truly is the foundation of this department – it would not run smoothly without her,” Maria Garcia, coworker, said.

Caralyn Pearson can be contacted at japxangel@aol.com

Water project seeks to educate

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The schools of Communication, Engineering and Music have undertaken a collaborative project aimed at generating a greater awareness concerning worldwide water issues. Proposed by the Modern Media Collaborative, The Water Project has three main formats: a documentary film, a 200-page book and a related website.
“Safe, potable water is an important topic with global implications,” Sanjeev Chatterjee, the project’s director, said.
Chatterjee, also the associate professor and director of the Center for the Advancement of Modern Media at the School of Communication, said he developed the idea for the project following the World Summit on Sustainable Development held in Johannesburg in 2002.
“At the time I felt there were important visual stories to be told about the subject,” he said. “As a media maker within academia, I have always found myself to be fortunate to have the freedom to explore important topics that mainstream media does not focus on.”
The project has already produced a 20-minute documentary film, a prologue to the feature-length documentary planned.
Over 20 hours of footage shot in India, the Canary Islands, South Africa and the U.S. were condensed by film editor Ali Habashi into a 20-minute collection of visual stories describing how different cultures use water.
Setting it apart from traditional documentaries, the film does not use narrative voice-overs. Instead, accompanying the images is original music composed by Thomas Sleeper, director of orchestral activities at the School of Music.
“We tried to make it engaging and truthful by showing real people with real problems,” Habashi said. “We wanted the audience to feel emotion. This is a documentary about pain and sorrow.”
While filming in South Africa, Ed Talavera, director of photography, witnessed the injustice of the water problem.
“I was shocked to film in the same country a woman who had to travel a mile uphill to collect water for her family and a man that bottles water at home and sells it for $1 a bottle,” he said.
If the visual evidence is not compelling enough, the proposed book will add a scholarly dimension to the project. Book editor Loup Langton explains that by having several mediums, like the book complementing the film, a larger audience will be reached.
“The important point is that there is a global crisis that is below the radar screen for many,” Langton said. “We hope to develop several different products for varied audiences that will help to put this issue on the screen.”
Langton envisions the literary work as a coffee-table quality book that merges essays written by water experts and intriguing photographs.
Among those interested in contributing to the book is Sandra Postel, director of the Global Water Policy Project in Amherst, Mass. and author of several books dealing with the water issue. Also scheduled to participate are photographers Peter Essick, Melissa Farlow and Randy Olsen, all who photograph regularly for National Geographic.
Although the project is still in its initial stages, the outlook is positive. Chatterjee explains that, if the resources needed are in place on schedule, the major elements of the project should be delivered by the end of 2004. However, he also hopes the project does not end there.
“The products cannot be ends in themselves,” he said. “It is my sincere hope that in terms of a university-wide collaborative effort this is only the beginning.”
One of the next endeavors the project will embark on is filming in Iceland. Project administrator Dr. James Shelley described the country as being one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world with respect to water usage.
“In the U.S. we take it [water] for granted. In many other countries life is about getting adequate water,” he said.
While some may argue that the project should try focusing more on solutions to the problem than on the problem itself, Chatterjee is confident the aim of the project is realistic.
“The Water Project is not about solutions; it’s about raising awareness and perhaps a sense of responsibility within ourselves,” Chatterjee said. “Few of us are aware that perhaps only one percent of all the water on Earth is really potable. There are no immediate solutions, but there is a need to change the way we think about water. It is not a limitless resource – it is finite.”
Students interested in participating in The Water Project should contact Sanjeev Chatterjee at 305-284-2235 or visit the website at www.miami.edu/com/water.

Paul Fajardo can be contacted at www.pfajardo@umsis.miami.edu.

POLICE BEAT

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Pick up the paper every Friday to read the Public Safety call log and learn ways to protect yourself and your belongings.

Safety Tip of the Week: For your safety on and around the Coral Gables campus, Public Safety offers the following services.
Security Escort Patrol: a free, safe means of travel for students, faculty and staff on the Coral Gables campus 24 hours a day. To request a security escort, call Public Safety at 305-284-6666 or use one of the many emergency telephones on campus. Escorts are limited to the geographic boundaries of the Coral Gables campus.
Evening Transportation: from 6 p.m. to 12 a.m., minibuses run the same routes as the Hurry ‘Cane shuttles, providing reliable and free transportation to the University community.
Sunset Shuttle Service: from campus to the Shops of Sunset Place on Fridays and Saturdays from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m.

WEDNESDAY SEPTEMBER 17
12:06 a.m. 1306 Stanford Dr. Petit Theft
8:56 p.m. 5050 Brunson Dr. Burglary

THURSDAY SEPTEMBER 18
11:59 a.m. 1251 Memorial Dr. Theft
6:30 p.m. 1000 Memorial Dr. Theft
10:40 p.m. 1101 Stanford Dr. Theft
10:54 p.m. 1101 Stanford Dr. Petit Theft

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 19
9:44 a.m. 5500 San Amaro Dr. Petit Theft
12:17 p.m. 1100 Stanford Dr. Burglary
2:15 p.m. 5801 San Amaro Dr. Burglary
10:35 p.m. 5638 Merrick St. Criminal Mischief

SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 20
2:54 p.m. 1221 Walsh Ave. Grand Theft
9:47 p.m. 1101 Stanford Dr. Harassing Phone Calls

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 21
10:20 p.m. 1101 Stanford Dr. Theft

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 22
9:58 a.m. 1231 Dickinson Dr. Grand Theft
10:11 a.m. 1239 Dickinson Dr. Grand Theft
10:21 a.m. 1206 Stanford Dr. Petit Theft
4:40 p.m. 1239 Dickinson Dr. Burglary
8:23 p.m. 1306 Stanford Dr. Grand Theft

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 23
9:20 a.m. 1252 Memorial Dr. Stalking
9:47 a.m. 1200 Memorial Dr. Petit Theft
11:30 a.m. 1314 Miller Dr. Grand Theft
12:35 p.m. 1239 Dickinson Dr. Petit Theft
2:50 p.m. 5185 Ponce de Leon Harassing Phone Calls
3:28 p.m. 5300 University Dr. Hit and Run

The Miami Hurricane is currently working to improve Police Beat by working with Coral Gables Police Department.
For more information on crimes and crime prevention contact Public Safety at 284-6666.

Harvard research: Cheap drinks lead to costly habits

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(U-WIRE) LAWRENCE, Kan. – The cheaper the beers, the more you’ll drink.
Harvard University public health researchers published a study in October’s American Journal of Preventive Medicine that they say verifies this seemingly implicit assumption. The study results showed that “alcohol promotions, price specials and large-volume discounts are associated with higher binge drinking rates.”
The researchers based their conclusions on visits they made to nearly 830 bars and restaurants and 1,684 liquor stores in 118 college neighborhoods nationwide. The study also included data taken from more than 10,000 students.
Alcohol-related incidents lead to nearly 1,400 deaths each year for college students. A half-million are injured and about 70,000 sexually assaulted when alcohol is involved, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism.
These numbers and the outcry to reduce binge drinking on college campuses, led researchers to conduct the study.
Binge drinking is defined as having five or more drinks, one after the other, for men and four or more for women. Surveys taken from a 2001 College Alcohol Study, also done by Harvard, showed that two out of five college students are binge drinkers.
The Harvard study showed that, “the lower the price of beer in the surrounding community, the higher the binge drinking rate at the college.”
“All-you-can-drink” and “$1 you-call-it” specials can be found in almost any college town in the country. Lawrence, Kan., is no exception.
Several area bars offer specials on various nights of the week. Fatso’s is one of them.
Gavin Smith, Fatso’s manager, said that Wednesday, “$1 anything” night, and Saturday, live music night, were its most popular nights.
“They’re the things that draw people in,” Smith said. “Real, real cheap drinks and live music.”
Dollar well drinks and dollar shots are other popular specials at area bars.
Jet Lag Lounge boasts dollar well shots on Thursdays and three-dollar pitchers on Mondays.
“The drink specials and the fact that we have no cover is what draw a lot of people in on those nights,” said Angela Hale, bar manager at Jet Lag Lounge.
For many students, cheap drink specials on a given night sway what bar they will go to.
“It seems people are drawn to the places with cheaper drinks,” said Lauren Keefer, Wichita junior. “It is a factor when I’m deciding where to go.”
Not all establishment workers said they thought that cheap drinks were the deciding factor Aaron Silber, assistant manager at The Pool Room, said there were other factors in play.
“Drink specials do a little, but for us it’s more the environment,” Silber said.
The Pool Room has live hip-hop shows and several pool tables, factors that Silber said drew crowds.
Some students think other factors have more to do with where they go than the drink specials.
“For me, cheap drinks is not as important as the bar atmosphere,” said Ryan McBee, Overland Park junior. “Music is also a big draw.”
But bar owners say price is what draws patrons.
“If you’re the most expensive place in town, you’re not going to get business,” said Scott Dodgin, general manager at Emerson Biggins Sports Bar and Grill.
“The biggest thing is cheap beers, cheap drinks,” Dodgin said. “That’s the only way to appeal to these college kids.”

Students peeved about parking

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For $300, you can buy five UM sweatshirts, 15 biology workbooks and 75 Jamba Juices at the UC food court. It also buys you just one permit to park anywhere on campus, provided that you don’t end up paying more for parking tickets.
According to the Association for Commuter Students [ACS] and students, parking at UM is expensive. With a premium permit costing $298 a year and every citation typically ranging from $20 – $50, the cost of having a car on campus is almost as bad as buying books.
“I pay so much for parking, and I still have to park in spaces that are nowhere near my classes,” Kristina Zayas, junior and member of the ACS, said. “It’s always at least a 15-minute walk from my car, or I have to wait for the shuttle.”
Theoretically, the parking situation on campus has never been better. With over 1,500 spots added to the Coral Gables campus in the past year, there is a spot for every car.
According to UM administration, parking was a much needed priority on campus; however, permit prices have never been higher, and the convenience of these new spaces is debatable.
“There are plenty of parking spaces, but the lots are so far away and the shuttles take so long,” Natali Rico, historian for ACS, said. “And at the end of the day, I’m not going to walk all the way out there at 11 p.m. by myself.”
The construction on the Pavia and Pearson garages, the creation of four additional surface lots, and the construction of two additional floors at the Ponce garage gives UM students plenty of parking options. With about 9,000 students commuting to school each day, however, these options are not always available.
“I get to school at 8 or 9 [in the morning] every day, regardless of when my classes start,” Jackie Fernandez, Arts and Sciences senator, said. “I would never get a decent spot otherwise.”
ACS President Carlos Escheverri put it in perspective.
“There is enough parking on campus, just people don’t want to deal with the inconvenience of parking far away,” he said.
Students who don’t want to park in the garages can try for a closer spot. But be ready to spend some serious time circling the campus or following people to their cars.
The Miami Hurricane has found that parking in spaces close to the buildings on campus is almost impossible, even in the early morning, and by midday the only spots that are readily available are in the upper levels of the garages or in the discount lots on the outskirts of campus.
Don’t risk parking illegally, either.
Chuck McConnell, director of parking and transportation, estimates the number of tickets issued in a single day to be in the “low hundreds.”
Once a car has received three citations, it is subject to be towed. As the UM Parking and Transportation website explains, “Lack of a convenient parking space never excuses illegal parking.”
What might be surprising is that, despite how liberally parking tickets seem to be issued, there are still a high number of illegal vehicles parked in lots around campus.
The Miami Hurricane discovered that, out of 300 cars in the lot outside the Wellness Center last Thursday night, nearly 30 were parked in spaces designated non-visitor without a valid UM parking permit.
None of these cars were ticketed.
“I think tickets are needed,” Patty Doyle, ACS senator, said. “If someone takes up two spots or parks illegally, something should happen to them.”
Another complaint has been that the spots that are available have not been utilized correctly. There are a large number of spots in the Convocation North lot and outside of the Mahoney Pearson residential colleges that are off-limits to commuters and are not usually full.
According to administration, the management of these lots is carefully regulated by parking and transportation services.
“The parking situation is the best it ever has been,” McConnell said.
For updates on the parking situation on campus, tune in to 90.5, the UM radio station, to check for parking availability throughout campus.

Jillian Bandes can be contacted at jillianbandes@hotmail.com

NEWS BRIEFS

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SCHOOL OF NURSING RECEIVES DONATION
The Hospital Corporation of America, East Florida Division, has awarded $500,000 to the School of Nursing at the University of Miami. These funds will support the Student Affairs Suite in the new M. Christine Schwartz Center for Nursing Education, the $19 million, state-of-the-art facility scheduled to open for the fall semester of 2004. Endowed by a generous $5 million gift from Ted and M. Christine Schwartz, the M. Christine Schwartz Center for Nursing Education will house all of the faculty and students under one roof for the first time in the school’s history. The four-story, 53,000-square foot facility will offer approximately 400 students each year the highest quality in nursing education and provide a home to a growing cadre of internationally renowned nurse educators and researchers. Designed by the Miami-based architectural firm Bermello, Ajamil & Partners, the facility will include high-tech classrooms and seminar rooms, over 50 faculty offices, clinical practice labs featuring the latest technology and a computer center. Entire wings of the Schwartz Center will be devoted to innovations in teaching and learning as well as research labs for cutting-edge nursing research.
ORANGE BOWL COLLECTION NEEDS HELP
The United Way Orange Bowl Collection is scheduled for the UM vs. West Virginia football game on Oct. 2 at 7:30 p.m. The Orange Bowl Collection is the annual student fundraiser with all money raised going to United Way. Over 250 volunteers are needed, so all support is greatly appreciated. All volunteers receive a free T-shirt! If you have any questions, call the Volunteer Services Center (UC 240) at 305-284-GIVE.
FANTASY FEST WITH MTV
Are you going to Fantasy Fest this October in Key West? Want MTV to follow along? If so, contact them at ultimatepartyshow@mtvstaff.com.

CONSTRUCTION ALERT
Now through the end of November, road construction will be occurring on Dickinson Drive. The northbound lane will be partially barricaded on a daily basis during the construction. Flagmen will be directing traffic around the barricades to allow continuous access at all times. For more information, contact Orlando Bomnin at 305-284-6749.
FESTIVAL MIAMI IS ON ITS WAY
When is a festival more than a festival? When it’s Festival Miami! Produced by the School of Music, Festival Miami has entertained audiences with a dynamic and diverse range of musical performances. But beyond these popular performances, which present extraordinary guest artists together with UM music students and faculty, the Festival provides important educational enrichment. Visiting artists conduct special master classes with UM music students and faculty, and these unique learning opportunities are open to the public. As part of Festival Miami’s 20th Anniversary Celebration, which runs until Oct. 25, William Hipp, Dean of the School of Music, extends an invitation to all who are interested in attending any of these special master classes. For more information and schedules of the master classes, please call (305) 284-3941.

CALENDAR

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TODAY

Belly Bust presents a night of high-octane laughs fueled by the renowned Mexican-American comedian Juan Villareal from 7 to 9 p.m. at the Rat.

Applications for Homecoming 2003: Hurricanes Help the Hometown Site Leader are due in the Volunteer Services Center (UC 240). Make sure to sign up for an interview time when you turn in your completed application. For more information, call 305-284-GIVE.

Hurricane Productions and ‘Canes Night Live present Casino Night at the UC Grand (Patio) from 8 p.m. to 12 a.m. Stop by the UC Pool for a pool party with mock-tails and games. Enjoy a free food buffet on the UC Strip (Breezeway) from 9 p.m. to 12 a.m. Then end the night on the Green watching the movie Ocean’s Eleven from 11 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Festival Miami presents Festival Brazil Part II with Claudia Villela at Gusman Concert Hall at 8 p.m. Tickets are $15 for adults and only $8 for students. For more information, contact 305-284-4940.

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 28

Oceana holds their kick-off meeting at 7 p.m. in the International Lounge of the UC. For more information visit www.oceana.org.

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 29

Everyone is invited to attend the Nicaraguan Students Association meeting in the UC at 7 p.m. For more information, contact um_nicas@hotmail.com.

Public Relations Student Society of America will hold its general meeting in Ballroom C at 5:30 p.m. Membership questions will be discussed. Yvette Harris from Harris Publishing will be speaking about entertainment PR.

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 30

Are you a commuter student interested in a free lunch? Well, if you want to save some money, eat a good meal, and spend time with other commuter students, then the Commuter Student Luncheon is right for you! The first Commuter Student Luncheon will be from 12 to 1p.m. in the Lewis Room at The Rat. For more information, contact Dana Ponsky at 305-284-5646.

WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 1

The Counseling Center and Multicultural Student Affairs will be hosting an Open House in the Student Services, Building 21. Enjoy free food and enter to win prizes at the raffle.

Join Hispanic Heritage Month for Latino 101, a discussion on issues pertaining to Latinos, at Eaton Residential College from 7 to 9 p.m. Refreshments will be served.

TUESDAY OCTOBER 7

Hispanic Heritage Month presents Chasing Papi at Cosford Cinema at 8 p.m.

THURSDAY OCTOBER 9

Got questions about depression? Come to the breezeway from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. and get a depression screening. For more information, contact the Counseling Center at 305-284-5511.

La Casa Cultural, Theater Arts, African American and Latin American Studies and the Foreign Literature and Language Department present Dominicanish by Josefina Baez, an Afro-Dominican performance artist, at Pearson Residential College at 8 p.m.

SATURDAY OCTOBER 11

Join the Hispanic Heritage Month Committee and friends in a night of live music by Tito Puente Jr. and his 15 piece orchestra at Omni Colonnade Hotel from 8 p.m. to 12 a.m. Dinner will be provided. Doors open at 7:30 p.m., with dinner being served at 8 p.m. For more information, contact MSA at 305-284-2855.

REPORTER’S PERSPECTIVE: ‘Guiding Light’ scouts UM for new soap stars

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Name: Samantha Riepe
Height: 5’9″
Weight: 140 lbs.
Hair Color: brown. . .ish
Eye Color: blue
Previous Experience: I was in the background of a segment on the 11 o’clock news once.
My Tryout:
I got there just at 9:30, to a line that rivaled. . . probably only the one that would form for Charlie’s Angels 2 later that night. Seriously, I was expecting a mob a la American Idol tryouts, but without that poof Ryan Starfish or whatever his name is. Instead, there were maybe 40 random people there, about half of which looked familiar. . . a chick from the Sunsations, Katie from ‘Canes Gone Crazy, that kid who won 2003 Boy of the Year – all of them with more notable performance experience than I, whose only claim to fame is that I once stood on-camera behind someone being interviewed for the local news.
I skipped out around 10 for class. When I returned at 11, the line was really dwindling. These weren’t the hardcore hopefuls from earlier. One kid almost left when he found out there wasn’t free food. Such dedication.
I was grouped with my new friends (bonded by our crappy-muggy-line-waiting-experience) Katherine and Federico to go see the casting director, Ron. He was laid back in that I’m-judging-you-all-based-on-appearance kind of way. He confirmed that we all went to UM and then asked us the question we had waited upwards of 17 sweaty minutes to hear: Why had we come there? I think we were all wondering that by then. Katherine’s RA had prodded her into going, Federico was up to trying anything, I was a journalist by day, self-proclaimed drama queen by night – Ron listened to all our answers and tried not to fall asleep. He informed us when callbacks would be (I’m sure he was trying hard not to laugh), and we were off.

Name: Jorge Arauz
Height: 6’0″
Weight: 165 lbs
Hair Color: dark brown
Eye Color: brown
Previous Acting Experience:
I act like I like people sometimes.

My Tryout:
I got there late. I had to piss and I was sweating, but I waited in line anyway. As you can see from my headshot, I wasn’t really taking the whole thing too seriously, but a lot of people there were.
“This could make or break me,” I heard one girl say.
The wait was about an hour, but at least the staff and cast were cool.
When I went into Cosford to meet and interview with the casting director, he asked me why I had waited in line for so long.
“Well, because I like to stand in long lines,” I replied.
But I really wanted to be famous. I think he knew I was lying.
He looked at me. And he looked at me again. And I looked at the CBS 4 cameraman in my face, and I said, “Hi, Mom,” in my head.
Then the Guiding Light guided me right out the door.
But they kept my headshots.
Damn.
Better luck next time.

So you want to be a SOAP STAR?

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and Jorge Arauz

Someone from this campus could be the new evil clone/paraplegic/kidnap victim or onion-sniffer on the longest-running daytime drama ever: CBS’s Guiding Light. Casting Director Rob Decina held one of five open casting calls at UM’s Cosford Cinema on Wednesday to find new talent for the soap opera.

“I think there’s this sense of style here [at Miami] and this incredible, warm energy that I’m aware of that’s really exciting,” Decina said.
The open call lasted four hours. CBS cameras were at the event, documenting the activities that went on for most of the day.
Each hopeful filled out a short application with basic contact and descriptive information. A write-in section allowed applicants to elaborate on any prior acting or related experience.
Many mentioned the acting experience they received posing in front of a bathroom mirror or socializing with people they really didn’t like.
“I’m just doing this out of curiosity – I say, try everything once,” said Frederico Cuodra, a sophomore who joined the line thinking it was for a free movie preview. “I haven’t even seen Guiding Light.”
Actor Marty West, who plays 18-year-old Shayne Lewis on the show, walked up and down the line outside of Cosford Cinema, chatting and stapling headshots [requested but not required] to applications.
West’s character is a paraplegic recovering from an unfortunate car accident.
West, 24, told The Miami Hurricane that he got his start in L.A., at a casting call much like Wednesday’s tryouts.
“I tried out in L.A., flew to New York for a screen test about eight days later and signed on about eight more days after that,” he said.
Many of those present were clueless as to what to expect.
“Nobody told me what to do, so I’m just going to go in there and be myself,” Aaron Serbu, freshman, said. “I’m just here to have fun.”
Others weren’t as calm.
“Man, I’m nervous,” Kendrick Ribeiro, a sophomore at Florida Atlantic University, said. “I hope they’re looking for a character that worries too much.”
During the process, applicants were asked to enter Cosford Cinema in groups of two or three to answer three basic questions: “What school do you attend?”; “What’s your major?”; “Why are you here today?”
Academic majors ranged from theatre arts to journalism to psychology and biology.
Reasons for attending ranged from “I wanna be famous” to “I’ll do anything to miss class.”
“I just want to make my mama proud,” Ribeiro said.
Each audition lasted a few minutes, and those auditioning were told that callbacks would be sent out later that afternoon – maybe.
The Miami Hurricane was unable to obtain the exact number of individuals who had been called back at press time.
Two finalists from UM, a male and a female, will advance to New York City with eight others from other colleges throughout the country for a live screen test on The Early Show, where viewers will vote for their favorite potential star.
Winners will star in weeklong summer roles on the drama.
The Miami Hurricane is in the process of obtaining the names of the UM finalists. We will spotlight each in an upcoming issue of the paper.

Samantha Riepe can be contacted at sriepe@miami.edu; Jorge Arauz can be contacted at um_newspaper@yahoo.com.

L&A PARTY CALENDAR: Ladytron’s Mira shakes asses, Victoria Silvstedt’s “Hottie” party, FANNYPACK unzips for the wildest show of the year!!!

TONIGHT

Before you go out on the late night, why not hit up TheHurricaneOnline.com and sign-up for our free email newsletter? Or better yet, sign-up all of your enemies. As Surfider Prez Kevin “Prefontaine” Dean says, “Why not?”

Mira of Ladytron puts that ass to work (fun work) during her two-hour guest DJ stint at Revolver, located at (use MapQuest dodo) 175-193 NE 36th Street. For more info, journey along the Web to ClubRevolver.com.

Haven’t heard this band yet (just got the demo today, in fact) but they seem like cool people. JOEPYE are making the rounds all over the city, playing for the hipsters at POPLIFE to the Guiness-meisters at Churchill’s Pub. Tonight they’re on the beach at Sandbar Lounge, 6752 Collins Ave, playing from 11 p.m.-3 a.m. – now that’s heart. Call 305.865.1752 for the skinny.

Sometimes I wish I had a super luxx girlfriend who’d suddenly break my heart on a Friday just to make me experience college a little deeper. If that actually happened, I’d put on a hoody, get drunk and go watch Amores Possiveis at the Cosford. It starts at 8 p.m. and was imported here from Brazil and probably makes little sense, which is pretty great.

Actually, maybe not. Why not go to Opium on the beach and try to party with Playmate Victoria Silvstedt? …yeah, right. She’s there hosting “The Miami Hottie Talent Search,” which makes the odds of getting over yur ex pretty damn favorable. Don’t drive drunk, though. It’s located on 136 Collins Ave. and dress to impress bruddahs and sister saviors.

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SATURDAY
Oooh, la, la. NYC’s playskool bass-heads, the sexy barely legal Fannypack, will cause your alcoholic beverage to disappear like their high school virginity. It’s the one year anniversary of Soho Lounge, located in the place where Revolver goes down, 175 NE 36 St., with a fashion show courtesy of YoYo – remember last week’s feature? S!ck!

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SUNDAY

Rent Run Ronnie Run at Blockbuster and go to bed early. So lame, dude.

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ALL APOLOGIES

Life & Art would like to send a shout to DJ Johnny Strokes from Spider-Pussy, who should have gotten credit for the DJ on last issue’s cover (instead of Counterflow’s Induce). Our bad, Johnny, our minds be gettin’ blurry, you know what I’m sayin’? – Omar Sommereyns

DVD review: RUN RONNIE RUN! into my trashcan

It’s hard, no, make that impossible, to introduce you to the happily straight jacketed, shroom-hilled land that exists in the minds of David Cross and Bob Odenkirk.

The two comedians lured a legendary and still growing collegiate cult following with the hilarious mid-’90s HBO series “Mr. Show,” even though it only ran for three seasons. When the show was abruptly cancelled, everyone hailed them as genius martyrs and ravenously craved for more.

That is, until they created this long, long shelved cinematic disaster known as Run Ronnie Run! The movie is a one hour, 15-minute version of a 20-minute “Mr. Show” skit featuring a smashy trashy drunk named Ronnie (a badly wigged David Cross) who can’t stop getting arrested. It’s also about the man who makes him an American celebrity “badass,” the smarmy Brit and oddly named Terry Twillstein (Bob Odenkirk).
But being the half-assed film this is, you need to see it for yourself. Example: Here’s the opening scene:

Stupid, trashy, redneck white girl with saggy tits: He ain’t gonna eat it (referring to a dog staring at a puddle of vomit in a gas station parking lot).

Clay (stupid, balding, accident prone redneck who always wears flannel. I think he’s gay): A hungry dog will eat anything. Come on, dog, eat that vomit!

Stupid hungry dog: (eats the vomit).

As the movie goes on, you too, will begin to wish that you were eating vomit in a gas station parking lot instead of watching Ronnie enrage cops by stealing an Elvis impersonator’s wig and hiding in barrels full of oil.
It’s not all saggy tits and puke, though. There’s also a saggy, pukish plot.
Out for the quick buck, Terry Twillstein notices that Ronnie is always getting arrested and, after failing as an entrepreneur of kitchen appliances, takes Ronnie to Hollywood to make him star in a television show that highlights all of Ronnie’s mishaps with the police. Airing in America, the show obviously becomes an instant hit and soon Ronnie is plucked from that gas station chugging beers to partying poolside with semi-big hitters like John Stamos, Scott Ian, and the lead singer from Anthrax. Garry Shandling even gives him two joints (probably to make viewers think he’s a hip stoner, even though no one cares who the hell he is).

Ronnie’s success makes him privy to banging the hot-and-dumb-and-full-of-cum Kayla (the hot-and-dumb Nikki Cox from the WB’s “Unhappily Ever After”). Cox can’t really act and she’s actually pretty annoying, but, boy, it sure is nice to see Ronnie ogle her big, fake titties. She wears a bikini for most of the film, which is good, because you can perv-up her boobs and ignore her unimportant dialogue. But wait, that’s exactly what’s so tarded about this movie. Bob and David, funny as they are, have spent years bitching about the lack of creativity in Hollywood. They had a shot at making their one absolute contribution and it ends up only three notches higher than Joe Dirt – albeit 20 above Dickie Roberts.

David Spade is so bad.

If anything, rent this trash for $4.50 just for the scene where Ronnie and Kayla link up.

Ronnie: How’s about Dr. Ronnie takes this here hard-on and writes you a prescription for a hot beef injection?

The scene then jumps immediately to a music video by THREE TIMES ONE MINUS ONE, a fictitious R&B group comprised of Bob and Dave as seen in season two of “Mr. Show.” The movie really should have just consisted of this video and nothing else.

In it, a silk robed, wigged Cross and a heavily pimped-out Odenkirk, complete with top hat and dreadlocks, sing on a rooftop about the “monstrosity of ecstasy, biography of nudity” that is the beef injection of Ronnie and Layla. The duo is shown dipping diamond necklaces in chocolate, as well as placing “erotic magazines and erotic tangerines” around lingerie-clad women. Cross then gets into the missionary style position with a black chick on a bed and croons “Tonight I challenge your pussy to a fight, a pussy-doodle-doo. I stuck my peeeeeenis into your thoughtful vagina.” Odendirk chimes in with with an, “Aw, Shit!” and then traces his cane across an open anatomy book showing illustrations of vaginas – class.

After this, the movie surges downhill in content and laughs, with Jack Black cameo-ing (he owes his career to these guys) as a street sweeper who sings, alongside a cartoon purple squirrel, about kicking women in the crotch. Shoot me.

One time my ‘stached-roommate Nate and I saw an enormously fat little kid pushing an entire shopping cart of food all by himself in a Publix parking lot. Was he going to eat all that food by himself? Either way, it reminded me of the ending of this movie, where a really fat kid beats up 8 henchmen (Matrix-style! So gay) thus freeing Ronnie from jail.
The fat kid should never come out on top.

Kevin Dean can be reached at biigdeano@aol.com.

Film Review: Duplex **1/2

Witnessing a film directed by Danny DeVito for the first time is an experience onto itself. One might go in expecting a standard comedy, and instead the result is some bizarre science experiment, testing the tolerance humans have for manic camerawork and oddly timed violence.

There are critics who simply label DeVito’s methods as over-directing i.e. doing so many crazy things behind the camera that it distracts people from viewing a film naturally and possibly hinders actors performances. But DeVito is a jittery little guy. Even the characters he plays in other directors’ films always seem to talk too fast and pace around too much. DeVito channels this frantic energy into his films, and as a result, he rarely lets the camera stay still or the viewer stay comfortable.

His latest film is Duplex, starring Ben Stiller and Drew Barrymore as Alex and Nancy, a happy young couple in search of their dream home. Unable to afford anything sizable in Manhattan, they head to Brooklyn, where a charming old house is practically awaiting them. The only problem is that a little old lady lives upstairs, and because of the rent clause, they can’t kick her out.

So, with their new house discovered, Alex and Nancy inherit a tenant, Mrs. Connelly, who’s been there so long that she only pays $88 a month. At first it seems like the elderly woman, whose soft Scottish accent is both soothing and sharply irritating at once, can’t and wouldn’t harm a soul. But somewhere, probably off to the side of the set, DeVito is pacing, muttering to himself. Things have to change fast.

On Alex and Nancy’s first greeting with Mrs. Connelly, they bring her a bottle of wine to celebrate. She invites them inside, and politely brings them glasses for the wine. They quickly learn that she doesn’t drink. “It’s a sin,” she points out matter-of-factly as they awkwardly take sips.
Juicy little lines like this one litter Duplex.

The story is wonderfully tangible, a fun idea wagging in front of screenwriters until they go “Doh!” Mrs. Connelly’s seemingly innocent routine disturbs the younger tenants severely, and this causes them distress at home and at work. They never fight as a couple, but soon enough Nancy loses her job as a magazine designer and Alex’s book deal falls through. They’re left with very little money and a lot of time to plot the demise this very un-sweet old lady.

Which is a pretty tragic story if they were merely plotting against a random senior citizen, but one of DeVito’s best qualities as a director is making audiences absolutely despise a lone character. In Throw Momma From the Train, he managed to boil up so much hatred for “Momma” that her shrieking and wrinkled grimace (courtesy of the late great Anne Ramsey) has lived on in the psyche of moviegoers for years. In Duplex, the ante is doubly raised; the loathed character emits sympathy from her looks, challenging DeVito to work his devilish magic.

Stiller and Barrymore seem like an ideal combination on paper, but they’re only decent here, neither hit especially high comedic notes. Stiller, having starred in countless funnier pictures, is still incapable of being unlikable, while Barrymore plays the whiny wife with half-interested ease. Little surprise that the most memorable performance come from the old lady, Eileen Essel; who, at several billion years old, is a relative newcomer to film.

Half way in, DeVito succeeds modestly at having the audience wish for Mrs. Connelly death as much as Alex and Nancy do. The intensity becomes rather enticing to watch: what will they try to do to her? When she inadvertently gets the best of them, particularly when she has Alex unclog her sink, only to spray murky brown liquid into Nancy’s face until she vomits down the drain onto him, the film is doing its job well.

DeVito loves this kind of stuff. His camera wobbles around the room, zooming and flying in all directions, exploiting every potentially interesting angle like a Prodigy video. But despite such creative enthusiasm and a little twist at the end, the body of the film is very straight-laced. Jokes fall flat, and DeVito crosses the line of tastelessness once or twice like he’s doing a checklist.

Though, be glad he approached this generally solid pleaser in the first place. And a few word of advice, don’t see it heavily medicated or on a full stomach without an empty popcorn bag in hand.

Shawn Wines can be reached at shawnwines@aol.com.