I heard a rumor that the Rathskeller is going to be closed. I hate to think that the only campus bar could ever close out on us. This would probably be contrary to UM’s plan to raise a billion dollars. However, if the Rat closes because of the fact that there is not enough business, then perhaps my few suggested fixer-uppers ought to help it.

To increase business (and pleasure), I think on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights, the Rat should turn into a nudie bar for all college women to work during these fine nights. There would definitely be more business and the Rat would be Miami’s greatest attraction. Every guy would come from miles to see barely eighteen girls and sorority chicks go out and shake their money-makers! This could make any of those women financially secure for years to come. Think about it! All sorts of women of different racial and cultural backgrounds unite to tease several horny guys and allow fraternity initiations to happen. If you don’t want women dancing in their birthday suits, at least the Rat should host several mud-and-jello wrestling events.

For us guys, don’t think that’s sexist and that you can man-handle the women dancing because you would have security guards come in and whoop your ass if you mistreat those hard-working women. And for women who need the money, this will make over a thousand dollars of tips in any given night! You women can pay off your semester in about two weeks.

Now this is Miami and there are a lot of gay guys cruising around. On those nights, I would change the name of the Rat and name it according to whatever they would want it to be. If I went out right now and named it, I probably would get knocked out by a bunch of bad-ass lesbians. Come to think of it, I would use those bad-ass lesbians to take care of those horny men during the straight nights of the show. It would make sense since they tend to dislike the male-chauvinist attitude.

I can’t wait to see all the emails that I’m going to get once this stupid article is published. I don’t care what you people think, name one nudie bar (that was not closed because of moral crusaders or John Ashcroft) that ever went out of business.

Seth Bleicher can be contacted at sethbleicher@yahoo.com.

It has now been over a month since the Recording Industry Association of America did the unthinkable and filed lawsuits against over 250 Internet file-sharers, including adults, college students, and even a few preteens (take that for downloading the new Good Charlotte album!). The aftermath has been appalling; even private, liberal institutions such as UM are for the first time putting up firewalls on campus in an effort to deter students (and the university itself) from breaking the law.

These measures are extreme but deemed necessary. The RIAA, which represents major music conglomerates like Sony, has pointed out a 14% drop in CD sales annually from 1999 to 2002. Their reasoning is that music downloads are giving potential customers a loophole around ever having to spend money on a CD again.

How convenient.

How convenient that they’ve decided to blame the drop in CD sales on the people who buy the CDs in the first place.

How convenient that they’ve forgotten the product they’re selling, a compact disc which costs pennies to make and nickels to ship, often finds its way to our hands at $17.99 a pop. That’s a lot of laundry money for a college student.

But let’s blame it on the fans. Follow the lead of Lars Ulrich, the disgruntled Metallica drummer who says it’s not Metallica’s fault that their album sales have dropped. It’s the fans. It has nothing to do with the fact that “Load,” “Re-load,” and “S&M (Symphony and Metallica)” were garbage, recycled garbage, and recycled garbage with orchestral accompaniment, respectively.

But don’t worry about Metallica. The recording industry really does care about you, the consumer. They’ve even put together flashy television programming like ABC’s American Idol, a show that gives everybody in America the chance to choose the recording industry’s next unadulterated, star. It’s a good thing Clay Aiken and Kelly Clarkson aren’t watered-down talent or anything.

This isn’t to say there is no good talent out there. It’s just saying that when there is actually something good out there, we buy it. You don’t see Norah Jones or Outkast complaining about their CD sales being affected, because they aren’t. Even some groups like Dispatch consider the advent of Internet file-sharing a Godsend.

The real problem is that the industry is pushing all the wrong people for all the wrong reasons. Kelly Osbourne? Is she here for any reason other than her last name and cover of a Madonna song? Avril Lavigne? Wasn’t she a Canadian country singer?

So, be careful, RIAA, because you are alienating the very people who allow you to exist in the first place. Next time you blame the fans, why don’t you ask yourselves why they should be rooting for you.

Ben Minkus can be contacted at Boopalee@aol.com.

In September 1977 my younger brother, John, was struck by a car in front of my home. He was two years old and the force of the impact knocked him about twenty feet away. For the next week he languished in the hospital. Almost immediately it was evident that there was no brain activity and he required a ventilator to breathe. As the days passed there was further evidence that his body was beginning to deteriorate. Sadly, by the end of that very tragic week it was clear to the doctors and my parents that there was absolutely no chance for my brother’s recovery and they subsequently consented to the deactivation of the ventilator.

While not an exact correlation to the Terri Schiavo case, it is close enough to bring forth some very powerful feelings for me. One difference of course is that while my brother was a minor, Schiavo is an adult and a married woman. In addition, she has been in a vegetative state for nearly 14 years as opposed to a week and is showing brain activity sufficient to allow her to breathe on her own. Beyond that, there has been very little evidence to suggest that her physical life is anything more now than a mechanical process. Any sign of sensory response seems to be purely autonomic. The most tragic part of this story, however, is the dispute between her husband who wants to disconnect her feeding tube and her parents who want to continue sustaining her.

The basic problem is that the actions of both the Florida legislature and Governor Bush have inappropriately injected government into a matter that is none of its business. Governor Bush has merely added insult to injury by signing a law that is clearly tied to this specific case, a case in which a court has already ruled that Mr. Schiavo could detach his wife’s feeding tube, thereby allowing her to die, as it is his contention that such an action is in accordance with her wishes.

While government should most certainly intervene in a case of domestic or child abuse, this does not qualify as such. The state legislature does not have the authority to reopen final court decisions, which is precisely what it has done. Ultimately this matter must be decided between the family and unfortunately, the courts, not a politically motivated governor and the legislature.

Scott Wacholtz is a senior majoring in Political Science. He can be contacted at aramis1642@hotmail.com.

T here are many who argue that the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act of 2003 (S.3), which was passed by the Senate on October 21, and now awaits President Bush’s signature, discriminates against a woman’s freedom of choice and impinges upon her rights. In addition, it seems that much of the rhetoric behind the movement to ban “partial-birth abortion” is misleading. Past arguments against the procedure have implied that it was a form of “Nazi era experimentation” in which doctors “suck the brain matter out of a living, viable baby for use in medical experiments.” Obviously, that is not the case.
The text of the ban argues, “in addition to promoting maternal health, such a prohibition will draw a bright line that clearly distinguishes abortion and infanticide, that preserves the integrity of the medical profession, and promotes respect for human life.” It should be noted that the word “infanticide” describes the killing of a newborn infant; this doesn’t apply to the unborn fetus extracted during the procedure. The rest of the bill is loaded with suggestive language such as “gruesome and inhumane” and “destructive,” used to describe a recognized medical procedure that no one in the medical profession even refers to as “partial-birth abortion”-it is a misnomer. The phrase refers to two procedures, “dilation and extraction” (D & X) and “dilatation and evacuation” (D & E) as the same, when in fact the former occurs during the third trimester and the latter during the second. The public is misinformed about these important distinctions!
The law adds that “the father, if married to the mother at the time she receives a partial-birth abortion procedure” or “the maternal grandparents of the fetus” (if she is under 18) may receive “(A) money damages for all injuries, psychological and physical, occasioned by the violation of this section; and (B) statutory damages equal to three times the cost of the partial-birth abortion” from the doctor if either of these parties did not consent to the abortion. Where is the woman’s choice in this? What’s even more insulting to the woman is that this bill seems to have little to do with restricting the procedure (a rare procedure, used about 0.04 percent of the time) and everything to do with creating a controversy that could be useful in election campaigns.
There are only two references to women in the entire bill that do not relate to the lack of perceived health risk. One says that the woman cannot be prosecuted, and the other cites a “prominent medical association” which has recognized that “the ‘partial birth’ gives the fetus an autonomy which separates it from the right of the woman to choose treatments for her own body.” There are no further attempts to grapple with the problems of taking away a woman’s autonomy and choices.
There is a unique health risk that is remedied by D & X procedures called hydrocephalus, in which an abnormal accumulation of cerebrospinal fluid in the brain’s ventricles enlarges the skull and compresses the brain, also destroying much neural tissue. “Approximately 1 in 2000 fetuses develop hydrocephalus while in the womb,” notes Dr. William F. Harrison, of the American Board of Obstetrics and Gynecology. Often a D & X procedure is necessary for the survival of the mother through pregnancy. Don’t think so? Sometimes the head of a fetus with hydrocephalus can grow to 20 inches; the size of a normal human head is 8 inches in diameter. You try passing a computer monitor through YOUR cervix.
It is time to realize, as research has proven, that abortion procedures are viable methods of fertility regulation and integral to family planning strategies. Contraception is never foolproof – the Vatican says to do away with it altogether. If a woman can’t make a choice to end an unwanted pregnancy (however it was begun), she is prohibited from enjoying and exploring her sexuality in a manner as unhindered as men. To be anti-choice implies that women should carry out more “traditional” and domestic roles as wives and mothers, and devalues sexual freedom and socioeconomic independence.