April Fools’ is the only time of the year when you are ethically allowed to psychologically torture your friends. You can use nearly any conversation throughout the day to break their reality for a couple of glorious seconds. So much potential, so little time.
Canes care for Canes, so here are some April Fools’ pranks you can use to keep your friends on their toes.
Sebastian the Ibis and Gigi are breaking up
Gigi’s had enough of losing March Madness. She’s leaving and taking her Smoothie King flavor and Diamonds Direct sponsorship with her. Cue the AI-generated images of her at Regatta and Sebastian crying alone in the Watsco Center.
Convincing your friends that the University’s mascot power couple couldn’t make it like Alix Earle and Baxton Barrios will send a shiver down their Hinge account’s spine. The prank is just as heartbreaking as it is bizarre.
When you tell them it’s a joke, it’ll help them see that they care about anthropomorphic animal couples more than they thought.
Bill Cosford Cinema is turning into a pilates studio
Forget the popcorn and pick up those circle weights. The Bill Cosford Cinema, home to free movie screenings throughout the academic year, is turning into your friends’ dream — or worst nightmare.
You can just see it: the room full of pilates boards with the instructor dressed in Alo Yoga clothes on the stage. Say the pilates classes are the same price as a three credit course and it’s still believable.
Go as far as to give them a date for the first class and tell them Mario Cristobal will be a special guest.
Helpful tip: the more specific you get with your April Fools’ pranks, the easier it is to believe.
Starbucks, the Archivist and Vicky’s closed for finals week as part of “caffeine free finals”
As the caffeine epidemic continues across the country, especially among college kids, the University of Miami is testing a new concept called “caffeine free finals.” With the school year coming to an end, finals are looming, and what is needed is not caffeine for pulling all-nighters or giving an energy boost for studying.
The psychology department at UM has run several experiments testing how students perform with and without the help of caffeine.
With an overwhelming amount of students acing tests without caffeine, UM has decided to ban all major coffee spots on campus in hopes that average final scores will rise.
Part of Herbert Wellness Center shut down to build duck sanctuary
The ducks on campus are multiplying by the minute. At this rate, there may be more ducks at UM than students. Because of this alarming issue, part of the Wellness Center is being demolished to build forever homes for the ducks.
Those baby chicks you saw and took pictures of all cuddled up and cozy? They are homeless and are in need of a nice roof over their heads. Say goodbye to those exercise classes and say hello to the new feathery weights for the gym.
Hopefully Sebastian does not get mad at his new, cuter competition.