After nearly two years of being with the love of my life, consisting of one year in person and almost a whole school year long distance, I have not once lost the spark.
I’ve quickly learned that love doesn’t stay on autopilot. It takes consistency and effort.
Whether it’s everyday conversations or time in the bedroom (or the countertop, or the car, or the shower), making a few small changes can make the relationship feel new again.
First, do something physical together. Nothing says take me home and take my clothes off like a sweaty hot yoga session.
Minimal clothing and drenched in sweat, yes please. There’s something about breathing and moving in sync that feels so intimate. We might even leave yoga early.
Something longer than hot yoga might do the trick too. Plan a three mile hike or walk so that you have to work for it before you get to the light at the end of the tunnel. And you can even get closer emotionally by talking and leaving your phones at home.
Even with long distance, you can do a quick workout on FaceTime together, or talk on the phone on the treadmill. It turns an ordinary routine into something shared and bonded, sexual or not.
The next and most important tip: Anticipation is key. Foreplay should not start the second you lay down for bed or after a long day.
Start the morning with a playful text or compliment. Or even better, tell them what you did together in your dream the night before.
A good relationship should be stable but not predictable. Predictability is boring.
Also, communication is key. It sounds basic to tell you to “have deeper, more interesting conversations,” but it’s true. Emotional intimacy strengthens physical connection.
We like to talk about what’s stressing us out, the goals we are working towards, the latest gossip with our friends and what we may need from one another.
This goes for sex too. If there’s something new you want to try, tell your partner. If you want something done differently, tell your partner. One moment of embarrassment could completely change your sex life. Plus, no one is a mind reader.
Another thing that’s really stood out to me in my relationship, as a very independent person, is to maintain freedom in the relationship.
Having different goals, hobbies and friendships helps you grow individually and bring new energy into the relationship. Growth is so hot.
And, it will give you more to talk about at the end of the day when you are each living your own lives.
After two years, I’ve realized that love deepens over time, but the spark remains with effort and intention. When you find the right person, whether they are miles apart or in the same city, staying connected means being deliberate, playful and willing to put in the effort for the person you love.
If you’ve found the right one, it will be worth it.
Love,
V