You wake up on February fourteenth and, whether for the twentieth year in a row or for the first time in a while, there’s no chocolate, no roses and no love notes. The closest you get is a text from your mother wishing you a “Happy Valentines Day!”
While that might feel a little disappointing at first, there’s actually more reward to be found by being your own Valentine.
College is a very transformative and pivotal moment of your life. You do not graduate at twenty-two years old as the same person who began their college career at eighteen. So, even on the three hundred and sixty-four days besides Valentine’s day, each day of these four years should be all about learning who you are. By being single in college you are able to do this on your own terms, commit to your future self and make invaluable memories with lifelong friends.
The ‘me’ mindset
No one knows who they are this young, even as much as we like to think we do. Yet, college often comes with the immense pressure to find love. This combination, unlike strawberries and chocolate, simply doesn’t work. It either leads to relationships crumbling as people grow in different directions, or, much worse, a total prevention of this growth. Instead of developing into two whole individuals, they indistinguishably morph together like two melted chocolate heart candies.
Instead, you are given the four year opportunity to find yourself first. You can live these years selfishly. Find hobbies that interest you: cook the food you like, exercise the way you want and learn how you want to spend each day.
By diving into the world of ‘me,’ you can explore life on your own terms and define yourself as an individual. A relationship usually — or it should at least — revolve around the term ‘we.’ There is a whole lifetime to live with the ‘we’ mindset.
For these years, prioritizing the ‘me’ mindset isn’t greedy, it’s necessary. Learning how to be alone builds confidence and identity.
Only a healthy, stable, long-lasting relationship is possible if you “date yourself” first. By spending time with yourself and working on who you are alone, you will learn your self-worth and be firm in your individuality. With this confidence, you’ll know what you deserve and will avoid settling, rushing or finding yourself in a toxic situation.
You won’t be alone either. Around 45% of college-aged single women say their relationship status is due to an inability to find a partner that meets their expectations. By knowing yourself and what you want, you’re setting yourself up for a relationship you deserve.
Make friendship a priority
Lastly, college is a milestone that is best shared with friends. An Elon University study, found that 87% of the people they polled remained in contact with friends from college and found them “extremely important” to their overall college experience. These friendships are built on inside jokes and memories you can reminisce and laugh together about twenty years from now.
The same cannot be said for college situationships, which are typically short-lived and based on convenience rather than connection. You won’t feel nostalgic about your two-week talking stage, but you’ll probably laugh at how convinced you were that he was the love of your life.
By prioritizing friendships over romantic relationships, students can build support systems that grow with them and bonds that last past graduation. College is one of the only times in life when your closest friends live either down the hall or down the street. Late night sweet treat runs, getting ready together while blasting music and spontaneous side quests are part of your regular routine. After graduation, careers, different cities and responsibilities make everyone scatter in different directions. There will be other opportunities for romance, but never another four uninterrupted years of shared chaos and memories with this group of friends.
Future first
College is not a waiting room for love, but rather a foundation for your future. Although a time that should be enjoyed and lived to the fullest, college is ultimately an investment in your education, long-term goals and professional aspirations. Romantic relationships, especially rushed ones, can be a huge distraction. You may find yourself worrying if Chad is ever going to text you instead of finishing that internship application.
A study titled Love vs Learning found that college students in romantic relationships have lower attendance rates than students not in a relationship. While this doesn’t directly affect GPA, missing classes, networking events or any academic opportunity is a disadvantage.
With being a single college student, there’s fewer emotional rollercoasters, guessing-games and more time for leadership positions, campus involvements and excelling in courses. Plus, you can enjoy a social life with your friends, but without the stress of decoding cryptic texts or finding the perfect date outfit.
Romantic relationships often take more emotional energy and time than friendships, and in these fleeting years, balancing friends, a partner and your future ambitions is a lot. So, use these years to build your future. No Chad drama required.
Choosing to be your own Valentine and remaining single through college is not something that should discourage you. You can’t (and shouldn’t) hurry love, so instead allow yourself to live for you, your future self and your friends.
“There’s no shame in falling in love,” Vogue Magazine said. “But there’s also no shame in trying and failing to find it—or not trying at all.”