Look, we’ve all been there. Even I’ve drunkenly dragged someone back to my room, only to find my roommate already twisting in the sheets with the night’s sidepiece of choice. For those times you’re desperate to get your jeans off and get into someone else’s, V has just the spot for you to hit the G.
The arboretum
If you don’t mind getting mosquito bites and poison ivy on your privates, this is the place for you. The cicadas compensate for the lack of mood-setting music, so your boo may not even notice you calling them by the wrong name.
The stacks
If you’re down to play the silent game, give the stacks a whirl — and a view of your bare ass on the books. While I haven’t tried this one myself, I’ve heard the bookshelves provide some great support for your late night “study date.” And when it inevitably goes south, the stacks even has some great psychology books so you can read them and convince yourself you were gaslit.
Third floor Shalala
The most luxurious of my suggestions, Shalala comes equipped with couches and a multi-million dollar view of Centennial Village. If you can manage the drunken trek up the two flights of stairs, Shalala’s back corner will welcome your open legs with open arms.
Roof of Pavia
If someone has ever turned to you and said “I know a spot,” they’re probably trying to take you to their backseat for some backshots. Be warned, Lakeside residents can see everything even through your bae’s heavily tented windows.
The IM Fields
Especially with the construction blocking the majority of the view, if you can manage to stumble your way onto the field this is the perfect place to keep your sneaky link sneaky. You won’t be the first person — and you certainly won’t be the last — to use the grass instead of a mattress.
Your friend’s room
This one takes some careful planning and execution. If you’re getting kicked out of yours, double it and pass it to the next. Just kick your friend out of theirs! At the very least, make sure they have some noise-cancelling headphones on.
So, what are you waiting for? Grab your favorite nighttime companion and make some memories. They say experience is the best teacher, so get out and explore UM’s beautiful campus while exploring someone’s mouth.
XOXO,
V