If you are one of the lucky freshmen that got the chance to live in the new Centennial Village, congrats! But also, I hate your guts! Most of us have served our nickel in the Hecht and Stanford penitentiaries, though you’re all waltzing in with mommy and daddy and your BÉIS luggage set like you own the place.
The floor plan is so open and spacious, hell you have Regatta hammocks in your hallway. An experience usually reserved for the drunkest of Friday nights. And every floor is co-ed meaning you can just bumble down your hallways between sylly week sneaky links like you’re trick-or-treating.
And, the bathrooms are a slap in the face to me. Multiple stalls with full doors complete with a toilet, sink AND shower? You’re missing out on the quintessential college experience of being able to shake hands with the person you’re showering next to and the person they brought inside with them.
Freshman year is supposed to be about making the best of the crappy dorm situation you were put into. You laugh when your random roommate spits up bong water onto your speaker and when you find black mold in your AC, hoping it gets you sick enough to miss class. This year half of you are living in the Ritz Carlton of dorms, so what is there to laugh about? That the girl down the hall doesn’t have Prada shower shoes?
I walked past Centennial the other day and the lack of LED lights was appalling. Where’s the whimsy? The fun? What else will the boys use to “set the mood” before giving you the most average sex of your life? Just because the building is shaped like a square doesn’t mean you have to be one too. Put up some trashy posters and proudly display your stolen traffic cone.
It’s obvious I’m just bitter, but come on could you blame me? Your dining hall has TWO FLOORS, we were lucky if there were two remotely edible options for dinner every night. Now that your parents have left the chefs will hopefully stop trying to make the meals look worth the tuition. Enjoy the good old “vaguely ethnic stew.”
Enjoy your cushy dorms for now, until you have to fight tooth and nail for a spot in Lakeside. Freshman year is always an interesting experience and Centennial is a great spot to have it. Just remember, every day you wake up and walk outside into that beautiful square, I hope you choke on Stanford’s dust.