Frat Flu: The 0.1% of bacteria that Clorox can’t kill

The frats on campus are known for many things, one of them being the germs inside. No, we’re not talking about the brothers (for once), but the place they live in. Taking a page from Sue Sylvester, they’ve created an environment so toxic that it created its own disease. The infamous frat flu.

The sickness has afflicted students all over since the dawn of frats. Nothing good happens at a frat house, and apparently that extends to a chemical level. It just seems that it’s a law of nature that if the letters are Greek, you’ll be sick for a week.

The mere air in a frat house is laced with so many scents it is nauseating. The cloud of AXE body spray and every possible vape flavor creates an atmosphere unlivable to man, and especially to women. Mixed with the humidity of Florida weather, it is a breeding ground of sickness. It doesn’t help that each pledge class brings in their own new strain of bacteria, adding to the already chaotic microbiome.

Whether it was from a tailgate, tent party or after you “just went over to study” there is no escape. The virus thrives on a potent cocktail of crappy beer, half-eaten pizza and Zynns. It seems just breathing in a frat’s air exposes you to the disease.

Everyone’s experience with frat flu is a little different, but it always starts the same, with nausea. Oh nausea, the most confusing symptom a woman can feel. Is it morning sickness? A sign of the time of the month? Or was it what you drank from a pong cup shared with 150 other people?

The confusion gives the frat flu time to spread, and before you know it, your immune system is overcome by foreign bacteria.

Its basic symptoms are as follows: chills that make you shiver even in the Miami heat, a nose running like a leaky faucet and a cough that sounds like a chainsmokers’.

It’s not a “two days of rest” ordeal. You get it and you’re out for a week – minimum. (If only the brothers were that committed). Soup and a sweet treat can minimize the struggle, but at the end of the day you have to let it run its course.

The thing about the frat flu is that it cannot be cured while on campus. It is not until you crawl home at the end of the semester that you will feel any relief.

Snuggle up in bed, play some Tinder and rewatch the same show you’ve cycled through since high-school. Let’s be honest, you weren’t going to those classes anyway.