Ah, parents weekend. A time-honored tradition at Universities around the country where parents catch a glimpse of life at the school they pay for while students supposedly clean up their acts for three short days. While this may be true elsewhere it’s not UM without your out of the ordinary parents’ weekend. It’s no secret that our tailgates already look a little different (thank you 45-minute bus ride) but add in your young-at-heart moms, dads and younger siblings and you get a weekend like no other.
While making my weekly journey from frat to frat I saw a few too many friends engaged in activities no one wants to see, much less the people who gave birth to you. There is a big difference between sipping on a room-temperature Kirkland seltzer with your mom versus swapping spit with your sneaky link in the frat pool while your father watches on. I’m sorry but where is the decorum? I don’t care how chill your parents are or if they bought you condoms in high school and let your boyfriend sleep over, you can hold off on making poor decisions with a frat boy for one weekend.
I know what you’re gonna say. Were the parents not getting it on too? The answer is yes. I’m sure we all saw the videos of former frat boy fathers shotgunning on elevated surfaces or hot moms throwing it back on the dance floor. But while these actions may seem out of line for your average 50-something working professional, for most of them this is their weekend to let loose. Personally, I feel that covering their child’s 80k tuition a year plus sky-high bikini shopping sprees and Uber rides home from the club allows them the ability to go a little crazy on campus.
Nonetheless, trust me when I say your parents have no interest in meeting their little girl’s roster to the soundtrack of sicko mode and dry ice cannons. Talk about poor timing for ‘Canes to forget the all-important sneaky aspect of a sneaky link.
After this weekend truly only one question remains: what ever happened to respecting your elders?