Number 67 in the Nation but Number 1 in Our Hearts

Photo credit: Roberta Macedo

In case you missed it (which you probably did) our beloved University dropped to #67 in the U.S. News and World Reports Ranking. Down 12 spots from last year, it’s clear that Alix Earle’s success can only fix some things at UM. I think U.S. News is probably just mad that they couldn’t spend their college days tanning by the pool or drinking at The Rat. While the University desperately tries to redeem itself academically in the eyes of the nation, I thought we could talk about some of the areas in which I know UM definitely ranks number

1. Most Bikinis owned by students

It must be a condition of admission that girls stock up on bikinis as soon as they receive their admissions decision.. From class to bare-cheeking it in Ubers on the way to pool parties, some might say barely-there swimwear is the unofficial uniform of the University of Miami. With the prevalence of bikinis on campus, regardless of the occasion or weather, no school can compete with the ’Canes when it comes to bikinis per student.

2. Luxury Cars Per Student Lot

Parking on campus gives even the most seasoned of divers anxiety. Staying in the lines is challenging, but is even more harrowing when the car half a centimeter away has a $10,000 paint job. Ferrari, Porsche, McLaren — you name it we have it. Custom wraps and pimped-out interiors are just the norm on campus.

3. Frequency of Yacht Excursions

While weekends at most schools are filled with the average tailgate or basement party, Miami weekends wouldn’t be complete without a trip on a yacht. The phenomenon seems to have expanded beyond the rare birthday celebration or end-of-year bash into a normal Friday activity.

4. Number of Darties

I know darties are definitely not a Miami-specific occurrence, but when you live in paradise, Miami weather allows for a year-round schedule of these classic collegiate events. Sprinkle in a different party for each frat or club and suddenly the number of darties skyrockets. Even our school-sanctioned on-campus tailgates turn into darties, with pools and smoke guns and confetti blasters.

5. Most Influencers Per Capita

After Alix Earle and Xandra Pohl’s rise to fame last year, it seems as though a bug has bitten the rest of the student body. Campus is now filled with wannabe influencers making TikToks and posing for the perfect Instagram photo. Even more amazing than the amount of wannabes is the amount of success stories. It seems an Instagram bio that reads “@univmiami”may even guarantee at least 100,000 followers. While not the traditional road to high-status employment, if U.S. News considered the monthly income of campus influencers, UM would be guaranteed top 10.