A Catalog of Characters at UM

As you stumble through the first week of classes, I thought it only fitting to discuss the types of people that I have had the pleasure — or if we are being real — the displeasure of interacting with on campus.

The Greek Lifer

Whether male or female, those involved in campus Greek Life have a certain aura — or stench, depending on who you ask — surrounding them. Decked out in designer merch, smelling like daddy’s money and Costco-brand White Claws, this small but mighty portion of the student body is one to look out for. Many cannot help but announce their affiliation within the first few sentences of meeting you. Sorry buddy, Sigma Ligma means nothing to me, and even if it did, what am I supposed to do… kiss your feet?

The In-Class Friend

The in-class friend is one known vaguely. For me, they have ranged from my roommate’s friend from high school, an Instagram mutual or just someone who looked just nice enough. We have inside jokes about the professor and cover for each other when the other is too hungover to go to class. But with these friendships there are no plans outside of the classroom or even as much of a head nod while passing each other on campus. The rare exception is drunkenly bumping into each other at a party where you insist upon taking a selfie to show your professor on Monday.

The Academic Weapon

A rare breed at the University of Miami is the academic weapon. From all angles, it seems that this student came to college with one goal in mind: to study. I swear there are just some kids on campus that I’ve never seen outside of an academic setting. While I applaud their tenacity and drive, I have to ask if they ever have time to breathe, much less take a dip in a frat pool. These characters stand out due to their scarcity on our campus and typically emerge into positions of power like Student Government or Orientation — making them easy to keep tabs on if you are curious like me.

The Freshman Friend

Everyone will collect the most random friends during freshman year. People you meet in the dining hall, riding in the elevator or scrolling through Instagram become background characters in your portfolio of people on campus. Oftentimes it doesn’t progress past a few momentary interactions, yet they remain present on campus leaving us all in a weird limbo of awkward acknowledgment.

There are enough characters on this campus to fill a book, but these are just a few of the most prominent that leave a lasting impact on me and maybe will on you too.