Dear reader, what’s in the frat pools?

I have had a very pressing question on my mind recently, one that truly keeps me awake at night and still finds a way to haunt my dreams when I finally lull myself to bed. It is most certainly a question that we’ve all drunkenly asked ourselves when mindlessly nodding through what we’ll call a “conversation” with Chad from Pum Kin Pie in yard of yet another off-campus frat house, in our skimpiest bikinis and our best frat shoes (we’ve all got them).

So, I put forth this itching and burning query – a sensation similarly induced by the pool itself – to you dear reader, what could possibly be in the opaque vat of liquid we so shamelessly call a pool?

You are lying to yourself if you’ve never touched some icky-sticky-dear-lord-what-could-that-possibly-be something or other at the bottom of one of these pools. You’re further lying to yourself if you’ve never stopped and caught yourself asking “oh wait, was it Bret that gave Steph chlamydia or just the pool?” We deserve some answers (as does Steph)!

The variation of color between houses is what really peaks my curiosity. The spectrum of blues and green, topped off with the iconic frat-pool-foam, has me writing emails to my freshman year chemistry TA with the subject line “CHM 101 You Said The Darker The Green The More Vitamin C, Right?”

Look, all I’m saying is I think there should be a little more concern for the patrons of these pools. If a fraternity can spend their dues on yet another case of Natty Light, I think they can spare a little cash to hire an equally curious RSMAS student to test the pools. That’s a science report I’d kill to read and one I’d most certainly forward to my chemistry TA.

Alas, we may never know the answer to our inquiry, so for now, just keep swimming my dudes.

Yours always,