Stick it to the man

I have always done my best to avoid letting stereotypes become a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I think I have finally become a man-hating lesbian. I’m sure there are so many men out there foaming at the mouth to defend their position as a “nice guy,” but the truly good males are too few and far inbetween. There is something about this year that has made me incredibly sick of men and painfully self aware of my identity as a woman.

It could be that everytime I hear a man refer to a woman as a “bitch,” I want to kick them so hard in the crotch that their penis inverts into a vagina. No man knows what it means to be a real bitch. Even God knew after creating man that he could do so much better.

It could be that I can’t mind my own business downtown or at South Beach without some Hagrid-look-alike thinking that yelling “nice ass” will make me want to strip on the spot. Imagine actually meeting someone from catcalling: “Yeah we actually met when he yelled obscenities to me from his car and we just took it from there!” Anytime a man even looks at me the wrong way, I straight up bark at his ass.

It could be that it’s impossible for me to move through a crowded club without a man taking the opportunity to grope me. Or that I’m too scared to take the metro alone after dark. Or that working in a group project with four white dudes is the equivalent to mansplaining Mount Rushmore. GIVE ME A BREAK.

Never again will I remain silent in the slightest form of disrespect by any man, intentional or unintentional. Now, I’m not saying that every man deserves to be castrated. All that would do is cause 99 percent of their brain to go missing. However, every man most definitely deserves to be put in their place.

Even cis-queer men who swear that they are “one of the girls” can be the most sexist pigs of all. Between policing queer femininity and bashing women, these men cover up their misogyny with a sprinkle of sparkles.

I am encouraging all my female readers to be assertive when communicating with the lesser sex. You can say “no,” “that isn’t funny,” “that isn’t appropriate,” “you’re making me uncomfortable,” “leave me alone,” and whatever the f**k you need to say in order to stand up for yourself. Do not question your abilities, instead keep your head and standards high. Stop apologizing for your existence, and take the practical steps needed to boost your power.