How many shots?

We have all fallen victim to various TikTok trends. I remember when the app was something to be ashamed of— a platform that only children and furries took advantage of, yet here we are. Inspired by the TikTok trend, I will be answering the question of how many shots it would take for me to hook up with various University of Miami icons.

Sebastian: Three shots, but only because Sebastian is definitely in the closet. He would hype himself up and then ask me to peg him. I’m good with the strap though, so I bet he would do a backflip after.

Theatre Kid: Probably about four shots. When the theatre kids shut up, they can actually be kind of sexy. Although that sexiness can’t disguise their innate bimbo/himbo energy for believing that a degree in the performing arts would lead to a sustainable career post-COVID.

Sylvester Stallone: Is it bad if I say three? I feel like he is definitely packing. Except, he would have to get COVID tested at least twice after the way y’all attacked him when he visited campus.

Any of the ladies who work at Starbucks: I would need three to four confidence shots because these women deserve to get laid. However, I would be super nervous that they are judging me the entire time. I would be too on edge to even finish.

An FSU student: Blackout drunk. I do not want to remember this. I would need to be so drunk that my stomach would have to get pumped. My skin would crawl off of my body. Do I even need an explanation for this?

The Rock: I feel like I would need one or two shots simply for courage. Lowkey, I feel like this sex would be vanilla, however I couldn’t do this completely sober because it would be awkward.

Frat boy: I would need seven shots to hook up with a frat boy, and unfortunately it would not be the first time. They definitely read my articles and hate me, so maybe that would create some sexy tension. However, with their increased likelihood of having COVID-19, I would need to be wearing a crotchless hazmat suit to actually let a frat boy touch me.

Frost wannabe rockstar: I am literally begging you to stay away from me.

Depressed pre-med student: Dead sober. Everyone knows that depressed pussy is the best pussy. If you got a pre-med student sucking your dick, they will literally try to choke and die on it just so they don’t have to take a two-hour orgo exam.