Natural simulation is great, but let’s face the truth. Sex toys can do things your partner simply can’t. However, there’s still an element of shame around seeking pleasure through a purchase at a local adult store. To help you cut through the chagrin, V has rounded up some must-haves that no one should be sheepish about enjoying.
Vibrator
I am a firm believer that everyone should own a vibrator. Whether you intend to use it on yourself or a partner, there is no excuse to not have that shivering piece of heaven tucked in your bedside drawer.
People of all sexual orientations and genders can enjoy the sexual activity whether they want to put it up their cooch, up their ass, or around their dick. Vibrators range in all shapes and sizes with all kinds of different ways to play.
Especially in these months of Covid-19, vibrators have become the perfect companion for the socially-distanced person. Recent research has shown that vibrators may even help your libido.
My personal testament is that I can’t remember what life was like without one, and I never want to. Just make sure you don’t over do it ladies. Give your clit a break every once in a while.
Handcuffs
If you are looking for a beginner’s way into bondage, handcuffs are a simple and fun way to start your BDSM journey. While they seem pretty self-explanatory, there are a few key components to ensure you are getting the most of being cuffed and doing it safely.
Firstly, any kind of BDSM play needs to be based on absolute trust and effective communication. Consent is always number one.
Next, there are so many different types of handcuffs and restraints to choose from. My recommendation is to not purchase the cheap metal cuffs because they will cut up your wrists and leave you with bruising (unless, that’s what you are into). Start off with soft cuffs or restraints. These stretchy handcuffs allow comfort and eliminate the fear of getting stuck.
Once they are on, the options are limitless. Try out some new positions and experiment with other accessories or temperatures. My personal favorite is rubbing an ice cube around the neck, nipples, inner thighs or genitals to make the blood rush to the area. With your partner all tied up, it is truly the ultimate tease.
Strap-on
V does in fact stay strapped.
These revolutionary inventions can be used for men and women who enjoy penetrative sex anally or vaginally. Even people with penises can also wear strap-ons to engage in double penetration. For those not packing as much heat as they wish, hollow strap-ons are available to give you those extra few inches.
My personal testament is to not take yourself too seriously. It’s awkward having a rubber dick harnessed around your waist, so be comfortable enough to laugh about it. Don’t worry about getting it perfect the first time, for penetrative sex can be tricky if you aren’t used to it. Once you get in the groove, welcome to pound town.
Whips
If you enjoy being spanked, you’re ready to move to level two in the world of BDSM by adding a whip to your sex life. Whips can refer to floggers (sturdy handles with a bunch of tails) to crops (ones used for horses).
You don’t have to be deep in the world of BDSM to enjoy impact play. Just make sure to engage in effective communication, and only hit parts of the body protected by fat or muscle like the butt or thighs.
As the proud owner of a crop and flogger, they are not as intense as they seem. The objects seem intimidating from the appearance and sound, but the impact is not as daunting. Whether we have been good or bad, we all deserve a smack on the ass every once in a while.
Candles
Candles don’t only set the mood for having sex, but some can be used by partners during the act.
There are variations that can be used for softer sensual play or BDSM wax play. Massage candles have a lower melting point and turn into body oil upon contact. For this reason, they are best for sensual pursuits. For those into harder BDSM, hot wax can act as a high-sensation element in play that pairs well with bondage.
You are going to want to make sure you are using body-safe wax candles that contain soy or paraffin. Soy are the safest candles to use since they cool most quickly upon contact. Paraffin burns at a hotter point than soy for a more intense effect.
Set up a safe area to play far from anything flammable. Test the hot wax on your body first to empathize with the sensation your partner will be experiencing. Your pain tolerances may differ, so communication is always a must. For less heat, move the candle further away so it has time to cool before contact. For more heat, move the candle closer. Avoid closer than six inches unless you’re okay with the risk of burns.
Experiment with the timing of your pour. For some, a slow dripping of the candles provides a sense of anticipation. For others, a splashing sensation does the trick.
In my experience, be prepared to clean up afterwards. Wax is a b*tch to clean up. Laying down an old sheet as an extra precaution may save you a headache later on.
Whenever sex toys are involved, you need to make sure there is an element of aftercare. Positive affirmations like cuddling, compliments, reassurance, water and hugs must be worked into your sexual routine. The more comfortable you are with your partner, the better the sex.
Stay freaky,
V