Naked in public

Photo credit: File Photo
Photo credit: File Photo

I had never seen so many dicks in my life. Small dicks, big dicks, pink dicks, black dicks. I’ll stop there for the sake of sounding like a sexually distraught Dr. Seuss.

About 35 minutes from our Coral Gables campus is the only place you can legally get completely naked in public: Haulover Beach.

Expectations were high. I envisioned a remote shore scattered with beautiful young people. The excitement of seeing another pair of titties besides my own dampened any insecurity regarding the lack-of-gym state of my own body. Besides, I could always just lie still enough so passerbyers could assume my fat white ass was the head of a washed up Beluga whale.

Upon arrival, my expectations proved false. The beach was packed, leaving few spots to sit where proper social distancing was possible. Those enjoying the beach ranged in age from toddlers to seniors. Body types were just as wide-ranging without a single article of clothing in sight.

Surrounding the area were fully-clothed police officers meant to deter any visitors from engaging in any afternoon delight. Large green signage read, “NO LOITERING. ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITY WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE ARREST.” For that reason, I don’t recommend anyone interested in exploring their vouyer or exhibitionist tendencies to attend.

First, I freed the nipple. With both my tits out, I looked around to see if anyone even cared to notice. However, the surplus of titties around me didn’t make the reveal so dramatic.

Next, I peeled off my bottoms. It’s hard to explain the feeling of being completely stripped in front of a multitude of individuals that I hadn’t even met, however “sexy” is not a word I would use. It wasn’t because I don’t believe I am sexy. Trust me, my ego is regularly fed by listening to Megan Thee Stallion daily. It wasn’t sexy because being naked doesn’t have to be.

With social media, body image has become an increasingly self-deprecating concern. To be in a place where truly no one gave a f**k was exhilarating. I left feeling empowered, despite the remaining sand in my coochie.

See you there,