Britney’s groove still MIA in Miami

Britney Spears is touching herself on a couch at the American Airlines Arena in downtown Miami.

“I find myself flirting with the verge of obscene,” she fake-sings.

Two male dancers descend from the ceiling and intertwine their legs and arms with her limbs.

Within seconds, the threesome shoots 20 feet into the air as Britney continues to perform “Touch of My Hand,” a song about masturbation.

You scream with shock and excitement, until you remember there are 8 and 9-year-old children behind you who came to the concert with their mothers.

But Britney’s overt and predictable sexual antics during her “Circus” tour are just one of the reasons why she is one of the world’s guiltiest pleasures.

Reason number two: On Saturday night, thousands of Miami fans each paid hundreds of dollars to watch arguably the most notorious train wreck ever strut across the stage while lip-syncing the entire time. During the “Britney as General” dance routine, the pop princess didn’t even count from one to 10 live. Everyone knows she’s vocally challenged, but surely she can count! Right?

Another gripe was that Brit only performed three original songs from her new album. Yes, there was a three-ring circus. Yes, there were magic tricks. Yes, tassels hung from Brit’s nipples. But don’t call it “Circus Live” if old songs like “Do Somethin'” are played instead of the fresh material from the Circus album.

Yet, as embarrassing as it is to admit, every second of the 90-minute concert/live music video was captivating. Whether Britney was a Bollywood dancer during “Me Against the Music” or gyrating against the bars of a cage during “Piece of Me,” everyone’s eyes were glued to this woman. Even if her dance moves weren’t as intricate as usual, it was enough for hardcore Britney fans that she was back in shape, could stand up straight, and was actually smiling. After all, little more than a year ago she was strapped to a gurney on live television.

All things considered, is Britney back? Has she reminded the public that she is one of the world’s most talented stage performers? Sadly, no. Brit has got a long way to go before she’ll be able to match the young woman who received a standing ovation for “Oops!…I Did It Again” at the 2000 MTV VMAs. However, “Circus Live” is a good way to start.