College students worldwide treat school as a place to break free, reinvent themselves and occasionally make choices that would send their parents into a coma.
We all know that one girl from high school who went absolutely off the rails post-grad. New hair, bleached blonde and tattoos, and not the thin-lined ones in the shape of a heart.
But there’s something noticeable about the students here at UM, something we all share: we clean up really f—ing well.
And I don’t mean we’re always put together. Absolutely not.
I’m talking about the lakeside baddies stumbling back from a Saturday pool party in the tiniest Frankie’s bikini known to man, a full beat somehow still intact and a Shein coverup that never actually covered anything.
Then Monday rolls around, and suddenly she’s in a matching Set Active set, slick-back bun, gold hoops and ballet flats, looking like the past 48 hours never happened.
The men might be even worse.
There’s something deeply unsettling about seeing your Pike “boyfriend,” who you watched lose all motor function the night before, walk into his 9:30 a.m. business presentation in a perfectly tailored navy suit and matching Rolex.
Like, oh? You own a belt? You know what EBITDA is? You were licking my neck 11 hours ago.
And it’s not just Greek life. Even the baristas on campus look good; have you seen the Matcha Bike TikTok? Apparently serving grass now requires a modeling portfolio and 12,000 IG followers.
Obviously, style is subjective, but I find myself constantly getting outfit inspo on the way to class. UM might be the only place where walking from Dooly to Shalala feels like scrolling through three different Pinterest boards.
The Set Active sets may be repetitive, but the colors are so cute. The Frost kids look like they either thrifted their outfits in Brooklyn or threw it together during a manic episode. The Business School boys dress like their dads have already promised them a job.
I still have respect for the people who don’t participate, or are too hungover to. Pajama pants and a ZBT hoodie. Perfect match.
That’s the best part about Miami: you have permission to dress as ridiculous as you want. Because if there’s anywhere you can get away with it, it’s here.
UM students may not have their sh—t together, but at least we usually look hot while pretending we do.