It’s a Thursday night. The guy who bought your drink at the bar isn’t really that bad after all. Everything is falling into place. Until it hits you: the only thing standing between you and the best hook up of your college career is your beloved roommate.
There are a few ways to approach kicking your roomie to the curb once you’ve secured your well-deserved weekend play.
First you have to establish where your roommate is at the moment. If they are already back in the dorm, great! Shoot them a “Hey, I might have some company over tonight,” text and pray to the sneaky link gods that they are gone when you get back.
If it’s worth it, consider bribing them with Starbucks or Venmo to secure your spot. Everyone loves a free drink and getting bent over your twin XL might be worth the five dollars.
If they don’t catch the vibe and welcome both you and your hookup with open arms when you arrive home, your only option is to make it super awkward. It’s only a matter of time before they can’t stand the small-talk and silence in the air and dip.
You’re telling me they are still there after a Starbuck peace offering and a whole lot of awkward? No way. But on the very small occasion that they are, don’t give up.
It’s time for plan B, and no I don’t mean your first purchase when you wake up tomorrow. I mean it’s time to get bold.
Consider trading in the dorm room for a steamy montage in the communal showers. Worst case scenario, spice it up and find a new hook up spot on campus. Sometimes the hunt for a secret spot can be even hotter than the hook up itself. Especially if your spot happens to be outdoors in Florida.
The bottom line is, whether you decide to bribe them, force them with awkward silence, or say f**k it and go bold, booting your roomie isn’t about cruelty, it’s about creativity. I’m sure your late night escapades will become a story for you both to laugh about later.
With love,
V