Mind your social media presence … or else

First off, I hate the words “social media.” It sounds like a recruiter trying to encourage students to “Facebook” their company. So let’s not.

Many bored, unqualified researchers speculate that social media websites discourage communication because it makes younger peeps rely on computers to converse instead of doing so in person.

Well, actually, it opens a new form of communication. It only broadens the spectrum, not replaces one.

The problem, however, is focused on how the fastest form of communication tarnishes relationships.

With so many opportunities to scare, anger, or roid-rage-induce your significant other with profile pictures, secret photo albums, misread Tweets, etc., it is too easy to puncture the pact of you and your lover(s).

As always, your faithful V is here with advice – steaming and cheesy in a fresh box from Miami’s Best … or … I guess now Pizza Hut. Oy.

Profile Pictures

If you post a picture featuring you and someone who’s just your “best friend,” your lover will get uber jelly it’s not her or him. You might be thinking, “No, Karen would never take the time to stalk my pics and read that far into them.” But Kare-Bear does.

When college kiddies are getting ready for bed, guess what they do. They still check their phones. Everyone has a smartphone now – and no one is checking their stocks.

So be smart. Put yourself in your lover’s Sperry’s. And hey, if you’re truly a monogamous being anyway, which is a rare gem, you should want to send a message out to the world that you’re taken … but not by Liam Neeson.

Sarcastic Tweets

Before every Tweet, ask yourself if TMZ could ruin a celebrity’s career with it.

“It’s not rape if the person is passed out.” Guess who said that? Cee Lo Green. Guess who doesn’t have a reality show anymore? I’ll give you a hint: he’s short, bald and has more tattoos than a hipster who loves Shakespeare.

Your companion’s reputation speaks volumes about you. If you date a jerk-face football player, members of the “framily” will think, “Wow, if she likes that d-wad, she totes must be too.”

So don’t embarrass your loved ones. Don’t tweet insensitive feelings about rape, domestic violence or racism.

You might think you’re funny by making a joke about Ray Rice, but your girlfriend or  boyfriend will leave you if you really think domestic violence is funny.

Final V-DICT

Overall, social media enables faster and more honest communication, so be careful using this speculative weapon of mass destruction. Or just delete your social media accounts. In 20 years, you’ll be embarrassed when you see how the people in these pictures look by then.