Dear V: She’s supposed to be pining for me…

Dear V,

Yesterday, I broke up with my girlfriend. And today, I saw a Snapchat of her hooking up with another guy. Even though I was the one who initiated the breakup, I think I might be jealous. Does this mean I was wrong to break up with her?

This is stressing me out.


Dazed and Confused

Dear Ross Geller,

Though everyone loves your whole “we were on a break” spiel, your wishy-washy attitude leaves much to be desired. Sure, we enjoy your quirks and your hair gel, but when it comes down to it, all this drama is unnecessary.

Having been in a relationship does not mean you claim ownership over another human being. Even though I disagree with her methods, everyone moves on and processes loss in different ways, and you cannot blame her for getting jiggy with it.

I think you just need to get on with your life and do the things you love most. Take up a hobby, go line dancing, join a new club, whatever. Just do anything and everything to get your mind off this girl.

Girls will come and go, but your fraternity brothers will always be back at the pad to lift you for your keg stands. But not at a tailgate. That’s not allowed.

It’s important for all of us to remember that the relationships we enjoy while we’re young and beautiful are wavering and often do not last. I’ve seen so many people who are utterly devastated when their relationship ends and I think to myself, “did you actually think that this summer lovin’ was going to last past winter break?”

Absence makes the heart grow fonder but not when that heart enjoys “natty light” and shooting Patron off the back of a truck. Our generation is so ADHD that we can’t even watch a 30-minute show without picking up our cell phones, so what makes us think that relationships are going to be any different?

Forgive me if I sound cynical, but unless it’s the real thing – and I’m not even sure what that means or if it even exists –  it will end. I don’t mean to say that everyone has a wondering eye, but we live in a society that is so hyper-sexualized that there is always another fish in the sea.

The point is, this girl really didn’t do anything wrong because, let’s be honest with ourselves here, if you had the same opportunity, you would have jumped at the chance (see: Copy Girl, “Friends” Season 3, episode 15).

Look, I’m going to put it to you straight: You don’t like this girl; you don’t want to be with this girl; the reason you’re jealous is because you have a history, and that’s fair. But it’s Thirsty Thursday, my friend, and the penny beers are a-waiting.