Segway security guards ridiculous


hile I can’t take issue with increased security and student employment on campus, I think students assuming the role of security guards, driving around on Segways, is laughable.

If there really is a security threat on campus, involving dangerous weapons or sketchy characters, is a kid on a Segway going to seem intimidating to the opposing forces? It’s difficult to take anyone on a Segway seriously when they use it out of what seems to be laziness and opposition to exercise. Has 2009 suddenly taken a turn and become a poorly executed version of Minority Report?

Even if Segways were implemented to cover ground more quickly, there are less ridiculous options such as patrol cars or bikes. Perhaps there would be a more inconspicuous way for students to help out UMPD. Approaching a situation on a Segway in a bright orange shirt gives perpetrators plenty of down time to escape or stop before they’re reported.

And if there is a security threat on campus, how can a student be of assistance when he or she is feet above my line of sight, zooming by on hot wheels? Am I supposed to flag the person down as if I were hailing a cab or should I gesture for a high five?

Even undercover work would be a more valiant initiative. Students could look and dress as if they weren’t on the job and report anything suspicious while casually walking around campus.

Furthermore, the budget must have been astronomical to order and distribute multiple “vehicles” to students. Even if casual patrolling by foot isn’t efficient enough, student security guards could at least ride bikes and embrace the 21st century with some dignity.

Evan Seaman is a junior majoring in marketing. He may be contacted at