Why don’t you go tw&%t yourself?

Olivia Bernardo

Olivia Bernardo

In a world where you can get news anywhere at anytime and there are endless social networks to join, when is too much information just that – TMI? I draw the line at Twitter. “Tweeting,” as they call it, is like stalking yourself… in the third person.

Through a constant stream of status updates, I could technically narrate my every move. Olivia Bernardo: has just looked out the window, scratched her nose, then looked back to her computer where she will now tweet about it. Come on, we all know people who abuse their Facebook statuses. They spend their time updating everyone on insignificant things that they are about to do. And now there is a whole site enabling these kinds of people to keep at it, and because Twitter lets you “tweet” from your phone, they have doubled the opportunity to be obnoxious.

You status abusers already saturate our mini-feeds with stupid remarks, but now with a site catching on that is devoted solely to statuses, you’re probably going to start updating incessantly and forget to filter what you want people to know. I wouldn’t put it past you to actually blow your own cover when you’re cheating on your girl/boyfriend. Annoying X. Tweeter is: cheating on his girlfriend in his apartment right now…and if you move quickly you can probably catch him! OK, maybe that example is a little ridiculous, but seriously. When you post that you’re really hungover, I’m secretly judging why you need everyone to know. Me and everyone else are left no choice but to think that you (a) probably made a fool of yourself last night or (b) went the lame route and made love to a bottle of tequila by yourself. If I really wanted to know what you did last night or what you’re doing right now, wouldn’t I be hungover with you? Or having coffee with you to hear about how it went? Yeah. I would.

All this status crap is making us believe that we have way more friends than what’s true in reality. You are not a celebrity. We are not the paparazzi. Besides, whatever happened to maintaining an air of mystery about yourself? I still believe in it. That way, I know whether a person is really genuine about getting to know me because they go out of their way to find out. I let them do the work. It’s not even like it’s all that hard, there are only a million different ways to get at me. If you really want to know what I’m doing, call me, text me, BBM me, Facebook chat me, leave a post on my wall, MySpace message me, Skype me, IM me, or show up at my house – but do not ask me to “tweet” on Twitter.