Our big gay harmonious winter movie preview (indirectly recommended by UM’s elder faculty)

#1 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Woo-wee! Just when you thought Harry Potter had pulled a vanishing trick from movie screens with the delightfully enchanting mega blockbuster, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, he returns to fly cars through the air and discover who is turning the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (we call it H.S.W.W.) to stone. To all those students/faculty with a weak stomach, you might want to skip this one. Pssst! Word around the office is that it’s darker than the first movie (don’t tell anyone, it’s a secret)! While the staff thinks they can handle it, we’re more worried about the voice of young Potter, oops, we mean talented Red Coat actor Daniel Radcliffe. He’s quickly becoming a young man and his voice is getting deeper. While he’s not quite Barry White (take that Eminem), will it hurt the Harry Potter legacy? Considering the spell he’s cast on us, probably not, but only time and Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) will settle this fruitful debate for sure. (Opens today)

#2 The Santa Clause 2

Why doesn’t Disney make every winter film? This new one from the Mouse House is simply delightful – on par with Lilo and Stitch (yeah, we liked it!). We thought young Harry Potter had gone ahead and made Tim Allen’s career disappear, but nope, here he is with another Christmas blessing as jolly ol’ St. Nick. The main problem with the first film, entitled The Santa Clause, was the lack of elves, reindeer, and, absolutely no Mrs. Claus to fill our stockings with candy. But as our lessons in college on supply and demand have taught us, things change for the better in America – either that, or we’re on the old man’s ‘nice’ list (Robert Stack didn’t return our calls). This Clause is inflated with goodies and Mrs. Claus is hotter than a sticky candy cane in Pamela Lee’s pink lips (she’s on the naughty list, hee hee). Now all we want for Christmas is our man Jonathan Taylor Thomas in Home Improvement: The Movie. (Now playing)