Fruity or fruitcake: The beginners guide to gaydar

Men. You know ‘em, you love ‘em. Whether it’s after months of flirting and sharing TikToks, or a single game as beer pong partners – sometimes, you start to catch feelings. 

If you’re lucky, everything goes great and you become good friends. A perfect start to the BookTok relationship of your dreams. However, a man who knows how to treat a woman might be too much of a tall tale to be true. Because the only guys that you can count on to really get a woman are the gays.

Nowadays it’s been getting harder to differentiate between a gay guy and a straight guy. A win for equality, but a loss for the hopeless romantics. Things that in the past have been considered a part of “queer male culture,” have been adopted by artsy men all over. 

Thankfully, one of those things has been taking pride in the way you look. You may find yourself pondering, “Is he wearing those thrifted jean shorts in a 80s jock kind of way… or a Billie Eilish Guess music video kind of way.” 

The devil is in the details when you’re trying to find which team your man crush plays for. Socks barely peeking up over their shoes? Straight. Diesel belt holding up those jorts? Gay. Can you see their underwear peeking out from the jorts waistband? Manwhore – the third, more sinister option. 

Another way to tell is their cologne. Now, I’m not talking about what they smell like, but how they describe it to you. A gay man can tell you the top and low notes, what they like about the bottle and when they usually wear the scent. If you ask a straight guy, they could maybe tell you the name and then which birthday their mom got it for them.

If you are ever over at their place, scour that skincare selection. Now, it’s not gay to have nice skin, but you could get a hint from what they use. If it’s all from one set or one brand, chances are they’re straight. A gay man will know how to find a good deal and a better product. Chances are they have a more eclectic collection.

Music is another tell tale sign of where a man lies. Not from the actual artists or songs, but how they keep their music organized. A gay man can recognize the art that is putting a playlist together. A good cover picture, a balance of different artists and a niche theme. But a straight guy will just throw together three Zac Brown Band albums and call it a beach playlist.

If you yourself can’t tell, better call in the experts. By that, I mean another gay man. The Gircle (gay circle) runs deep, with Instagram mutuals making up a web that rivals the CIA’s intelligence. With a little bit of experience and an unbiased view, a gay friend can do wonders for the cause.

Now, these aren’t scripture. It probably also wouldn’t hurt to maybe just ask if they like you. But where’s the whimsy in that? 

So, if you need to figure out if your king might be a queen, keep a sharp eye. (Or they could like guys AND girls, isn’t that a novel idea!)